Phew, what a week it’s been! Hard to believe today is day 8 since I was real goofball and made one of the biggest mistakes of my adult life. Actually, it’s probably THE biggest but there’s that one time I left the buffet at Golden Corral and I wasn’t full and that other time I walked through knee-deep fresh water alone in Florida. OK, OK, all jokes aside, last week was rough. I felt highs, lows, and everything between.
Yesterday, exactly a week after my bone-headed decisions, I deactivated my Hard Rock Bet account. Not just signing out or deleting the app, but a full scale departure from the app that enabled me to go down a road I never thought I would. You might wonder why I waited a week to close my account. Well, the short answer is that I was in such a dark place of being upset and vulnerable that I didn’t, I couldn’t, even think about doing anything that got me within a hundred feet of sports betting.
I really wish I could go back to the Monday night before and just turn my phone off. Put it in my truck. Make a different decision. But God’s grace doesn’t include time travel. It does include family and friends, though. In the aftermath, I’ve been like a tree bending over from its own weight, destined to uproot and fall over. That would be me– broken and lonely– without the support of people helping me stay upright. To keep my chin up. I’ll be saying “thank you” so many times that everyone will be annoyed, I’m sure.
The Bible says that my faults and failures can be redeemed. I don’t know how that’s going to look– whether the good that springs from all of this will be spiritual, relational, financial, emotional, just one of those, none of those, or all of those and more, but I know one thing for sure– it will be God’s doing. If it were me, things would turn into a mess so quickly.
“It’s kind of wild that something so terrifying can become something so beautiful.”
That’s from a movie that aired on Great American Country over the weekend. Are those movies sometimes Hallmark-level cheesy? Of course. But that line is my life right now. Well, I’m still a lot closer to the terrifying part but I believe beauty will come from last week’s ashes. It might take a very long time to know everything God has planned but I have to believe He can redeem it. After all, he turned mankind’s most heinous act into what saves mankind (the death of Jesus). Is my situation bigger than that?
A friend showed this song to me and it’s never more relevant in my life than now. Even at my lowest point, Jesus is lower still. In other words, he’s in the valley with me. With us. What other God gets into the mess with us? Thank you Jesus. Thank you for comfort and hope. While I still shutter with disbelief that I could do something so stupid, I’m starting to anticipate seeing how Jesus is going to make this into something beautiful.
Psalm 145: 19 “The Lord fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.”
-Out of the Wilderness
Discover more from Out of the Wilderness
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Out of the Wilderness 