The royal ‘I do’

I don’t want to poo poo on anyone’s parade here, but I can’t figure out why half of America (and by default that should include their husbands, too, I guess) is so excited about the royal wedding. Or is it just weddings in general? Wait wait, relatively unknown girl meets prince and against all odds becomes princess… it’s the storyline of pretty much every Disney movie! I get it now.

But here in the real world, the royal happenings usually have nothing to do with anything or anyone over here, except that Meghan Markle is (or was, according to Wikipedia) an American actress. By the by, she was also a briefcase girl on “Deal or No Deal,” which sounds slightly sexist in today’s culture, also pointed out by this guy.

[check out this “Deal or No Deal” model who recently starred in a music video]

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image via Us Magazine

There wasn’t this much hype around her first wedding, why this one? Ohhhh because it’s the royal family. She’ll be a princess. She’ll be a queen. Um, nope! Harry, her fiancé or husband depending on when you read this, is 6th in line to the throne! In other words, he’s just chillin’ and now she’ll be just chillin’, too, kind of like winning the lottery for her, I guess.

I’m not upset about the marriage or “the big day” for the happy couple, just curious. I’ve heard some folks are waking up in the wee hours of the morning to watch the ceremony. Y’all crazy! But hey while you’re at it, can you go ahead and feed my dogs? 🙂

-Out of the Wilderness

 

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The first Bachelor contestant, Adam

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Does anyone else’s mind wander during church sometimes? Only me? OK then! That’ll give me something to confess the next time I’m in prayer.

“God, I’m sorry for thinking about ABC’s The Bachelor and what if Adam was the contestant picking from 25 women. I know it’s weird. Thank you for loving me anyway.”

…is pretty much how that prayer would go.

Today in church there was a brief mention of Adam and Eve, and my mind ran with it. Somehow Adam became the star of The Bachelor and Eve was just one of the 25 women competing to guard and protect his heart, which leads to a flurry of questions:

Where would the other 24 women come from?

Would they all be vegetarians?

They’re already in a beautiful garden, so where’re the “exotic” dates?

Who is “there for the right reasons”?

I can see the first caravan of camels pulling up now. Adam, here are the first five women… Mary, Esther, Sarah, Ruth, and Jezebel, who simply winks and says, “Let’s do the d*mn thing.” Adam looks off to the side, “Boy, am I in trouble.” The next five arrive: Rahab, Zilpah, Ashleigh R., Ashley K., and Ashlee M. He whispers under his breath, “So many Ashley’s.” On and on it goes and maybe Eve doesn’t arrive till the final five, since the host (God) wants to save the best for last.

Adam notices Eve right off the bat so she gets the first impression rose. He feels like somehow she’s already a part of him. Get it? Ok, anyway. The first date card arrives…

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So that date will end badly. A combination of fruit, a snake, and all the contestants are banished from the paradise mansion in Eden…FOREVER!!!!! No Bachelor Pad, no Bachelor in Paradise, and dare I say not even an episode of The Women Tell All. But there is a wedding. Adam eventually picks Eve and they get married.

Years go by and many more seasons of The Bachelor, then along comes the star of the first Bachelorette season ever, Ruth! You can read her story in the Bible but I’ll say this, it includes a sizzling overnight encounter!

-Out of the Wilderness

 

Thoughts on 12 Strong – no spoilers

So have you seen 12 Strong yet? Based on a true story, the movie follows a military unit in the throes of a burgeoning war over in Afghanistan. Here’s the trailer.


Now, I don’t know exactly what scenes were based on the true story. I’m assuming a few things about what the reality was: yes, there were American soldiers. Horses, of course. And lots of sand. What else can we really be sure of, though? Like, for instance in the movie (don’t worry, no spoilers!) a few scenes are Taliban members talking to each other. Did the director of this movie really know what they said? Did he consult them for script dialogue? Maybe it went something like this…

Director on a long-distance phone call: “Hi there, I’d like to speak to the Taliban.”

[long pause, Middle Eastern music in the background, kids crying]…

Taliban: “Sup?”

Director: “Hey this is Nicolai Fuglsig, director of ’12 Strong.’ Nicolai Fuglsig. N-i-c-o– ya know, just call me Nick. Can you help me out with something? When y’all are being terrorists and stuff, what do you talk about? Is there– oh, I said ‘y’all‘…. it’s you and all but squished together…”

So they made up conversations based on what we know of the Taliban. Much easier than having to add them to the credits anyway, which would not go over well with audiences.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. There was even some humor so for me it hit a few of my favorite movie elements– humor, adventure, suspense, good vs. evil. It also made me really wish I was a hero who returned home to relative obscurity (because their mission was classified, the public had no idea what they’d done). Well, actually I’ve got the relative obscurity down already, so now I just need to be hero.

Hmmm…. what to do today, what…to…do.

-Out of the Wilderness

Lady Antebellum singing the National Anthem

lady aLady Antebellum had a bit of a flub singing the National Anthem on Saturday night, kicking off game 5 of the Nashville Predators 2nd round series against the Winnipeg Jets. Take a look…


But hey, it happens to the best of us, right? They still sounded great and hopefully their minor mistake will the be the worst thing that happens in Nashville tonight… meaning the Predators win to go ahead 3-2 in the series.

-Out of the Wilderness

I think I have a wasp problem

Have you ever walked out of your house and felt like you walked into a wasps nest? Well, for me, it happens at my front door, but it’s actually the opposite… I’m trying to get into the house. The other day I came back home from doing something awesome, because why else would I have left the house to begin with, ya know? So I walked up to the front door and there was a wasp floating around. He was a nuisance enough that I had to back up in a full-on retreat. And I was so close to making it inside, so close.

So there I am, standing in my yard, coming up with a strategy to get in my own house. And this time it wasn’t even because I’d forgot my keys! Note: this video below happens more than I’ll admit in writing.


I thought, “Maybe if I’m casual about it, he’ll let me by.” I walk up, no no, I stroll up to the front steps. And you know what I saw? This wasp was poised, if I can use that word here, he was poised in attack mode, and to be quite I honest, I was impressed. I was like, “Look at this little guy protecting his…well, “his” domain.” His front legs were slightly bent forward, his back legs cocked and ready to launch. I’m being all breezy and he wants to start a fight.

Every time I tried walking up to the door, even striking up a convo on the way, find some common ground  like “Hey, so you come here often?” or “Hey man, how’s your week been?” or “Can you believe the weather? Gosh it’s hot!”… but he just points his little body right towards me. And he never answered a single question. Rude. Try being a social butterfly once in a while, gee wiz.

Now anyone who knows me well knows I’m a pacifist when it comes to animals and things. I don’t want them to die, not really. Who am I to say, “You get to live. You don’t get to live,” ya know? But I found a stick and I had to beat him with it. I didn’t kill him, just sent him a message. And I was able to get by, rushing through the door before he rounded up his other wasp buddies.

I came back out about 20 minutes later, armed with wasp killing spray. Ok, yes I was a little sad about it, but I’m tired of waiting on the government to pass stricter wasp control policies. And the NRA– I mean the NWA (National Wasp Association) are millions strong! I would spray any wasp that I could… and feel bad about it later.

There’s one in the ivy, spray spray. There’s another hovering about, spray spray. Here’s one on the fence, sprayyyyyyy. This is when I realized I do have a genuine wasp problem and I might be bigger than that. The fence wasp fluttered around like a plane with one engine. He was going down. Sputter sputter and kaboom, he crash lands in the grass. You’d think that was satisfying enough, right? Nope.

I shot a wasp in Nashville, just to watch him die.

I stood over him as he crawled around haphazardly, just waiting for him to give up. So not only am I responsible for ending his life here on earth, but then to watch him suffer and die? That’s just sick. Now if I could just turn this whole thing into a country song, at least I’d have a way to pay for the therapy that I probably need for my sinister wasp behaviors!

-Out of the Wilderness

2018’s Song of the Summer

Every summer there’s a handful of songs that become huge hits. But only one can be crowned Song of the Summer. Billboard even charts this exciting time in music going all the way back to 1958. Check out their list here. And if you’re curious like I was, the 1958 hit was “Domenico Modugno” by Volare. Ok, sure.

Anyway, check out a fantastic roll through time with all the hits, in under 4 minutes:


For time’s sake, though, here are the last few years…

2014: “Fancy” – Iggy Azalea feat. Charli XCX


2015:
 “Cheerleader” – OMI (more about the fun video here)


2016:
 “Can’t Stop The Feeling!” – Justin Timberlake (although Billboard suggests “One Dance” by Drake feat. some random artists)


2017:
 “Despacito” – Luis Fonsi feat. Justin Bieber


It’s interesting that 2 of the last 3 were remakes. Omi has an earlier version of “Cheerleader” before it blew up, and the same with Luis Fonsi and “Despacito.” And what’s really funny is that I like the originals better! Another quirk… 3 out of the 4 above (if you include the Billboard choice for 2016) are songs that feature other artists.

As summer approaches and we’re waiting for a monster hit to kick off the season (remember this one, anyone?), one may wonder if it will follow the same characteristics as any of these recent summer successes. It’s also important to note that last year when Billboard published their list of summer hit contenders (in April), “Despacito” wasn’t on it at all! Even though the song was released in January 2017, it didn’t make worldwide waves until the remix featuring Justin Bieber hit the airwaves a few months later, in April…. after the Billboard list came out.

The same thing could happen this year. There might be a song just waiting to explode, all it needs is the magical combination of timing and catchiness. Glamour has a list, which they tout will undoubtedly include songs you’ll hear all summer long. I, for one, have my doubts. Take a look…

“High Horse” – Kacey Musgraves (nope!)

“The Middle” – Zedd, Maren Morris, and Grey (nope! Peaked too early)

“Curious” – Hayley Kiyoko (nope!)

“All the Stars” – Kendrick Lamar and SZA (nope!)

“Lemon” (The New Remix) – N.E.R.D., Rihanna, and Drake (possible!)

“No Excuses” – Megan Trainor (possible but nope! Will be annoying after hearing it 10 times)

“1,2,3,” by Sofia Reyes, Jason Derulo, and De La Ghetto (possible!)

One thing the Song of the Summer seems to capture in recent years: it makes you feel good! I was going to say it also needs to be clean and/or family friendly, but that’s not true is it, Mr. Thicke? Remember his 2013 Song of the Summer?


Clean? Not even close. But endorphins? Oh, yes. That’s mostly why Glamour’s list is almost entirely a bunch of finger wagging nah ah’s. With the exception of “Lemon,” “No Excuses,” and “1,2,3,” none are overly catchy and hardly activate any euphoric sensations.

So this year’s Song of the Summer is “to be determined,” but I’d say watch out for artists like Post Malone, Drake, Justin Timberlake, or someone we’ve never heard of… yet 🙂

-Out of the Wilderness

Am I jinxing the Predators?

For those of you who don’t know, Nashville has these “watch parties” for anyone without tickets to home playoff games, and also for away games. Last year when the Predators made it to the finals, I went to 3 of these watch parties.

Not only did we lose those 3 games, we also never even scored! The one time a puck made it in the net was soon called for a controversial off-sides penalty.

Now it’s 2018 and the Predators are in the hockey playoffs again. The city is having the watch parties again. I went to one again. We lost again. The next game, which happened a few days later, we won. There was a watch party but I didn’t go.

You see what kind of stress I’m under now?

While you may think the solution is easy– just don’t go to a watch party– I’ll make it even easier… Someone needs to give me tickets so I can watch from INSIDE the arena. We never win when I’m watching from outside.

Easy way to win the Cup in my opinion!

-Out of the Wilderness