When someone does a favor for me, I almost always tuck that memory away so I can pay them back one day. I suppose that’s not a terrible trait but it’s not necessarily good to keep a scorecard like that. Walking around every day with the feeling of owing someone can be overwhelming. I remember back in the 90s joining Columbia House where you pay something like 1 cent and get a handful of CDs. After that, the price goes up and I always had this distinct feeling of dread as long as I was a member of this club. Who wants that? The joy of music was lost and in the same way, if I constantly think of being in someone’s debt, that’s no way to live an abundant life. Instead, I should receive their act of kindness for what it is, a gift that doesn’t need repayment, and I betcha that person isn’t expecting to be repaid at all.
On the flip side, when I’m the one serving or doing some kind gesture for someone else, I sometimes work it out so there’s some benefit to me. Nothing that takes away from the amount of help given, but still working the situation so I get something out of it. That’s also a pretty selfish way of being kind to my neighbor, serving the people around me. But hey, there *are* moments that I’m doing something out of the good in my heart, I’m not a total monster! 🙂
So then, are those two thoughts connected: Feeling like I owe someone who helped me and serving someone but making sure I get something from it? I think the word that connects the two ideas is “conditional.” A transaction.
Yikes.
Sounds real fun. 🙄 I’ll do A so I can get B and C. Or if this person does A, I’ll repay them later with B and C. There is nothing unconditional about any of that. This week, I’m going to try to be better about serving and being served without conditions. No secret expectations. Doing things for other people, or letting others be kind towards me, with those acts being the whole thing– no loose ends waiting to be tied up or debts in my memory that can be repaid later.
-Out of the Wilderness
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Out of the Wilderness 
I believe we are meant to serve others. While the individuals we serve may or may not turnaround to serve/thank us directly, karma and the whole concept of “paying it forward” enables that random act of kindness to continue on to someone else and unexpected blessings to appear on our life’s path.
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Jesus was a great example of serving without expecting or getting anything back from it. And also, kindness in general is just way better than the alternative!
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