Liking Michael Jackson and Disliking Osama bin Laden Makes You Cooler

You’re at a wedding. The couple begins their first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Suddenly the romantic ballad stops, and Michael Jackson’s “The Way You Make Me Feel” echoes through the banquet hall as the bride and groom perform a choreographed dance. Cool.

You’re standing on a rocky ledge at a marina. The water is calm until all of the sudden a gigantic while jumps over you. Cue percussion intro to “Will You Be There?” by Michael Jackson. Cool.

You’re watching the news announcing that bin Laden is dead and you put your American flag out, even though it’s night time. Cool.

In summary, if you need help making something cooler, add a Michael Jackson song or mention you’re strong dislike for the person responsible for September 11th. Adding a quick comment about what you would do if you found him works well here, too. For example, “If I was in Pakistan and found bin Laden, I’d tie him to a chair and tell him he can have face chat with his buddies in the cave on an iPhone 4 but then I’d drop the bomb that there’s no WiFi!” That kind of stuff is hardcore dislike.

Thank you to the military of the United States of America. You are stronger and cooler than any military anywhere (with or without a Michael Jackson song).