What happens when you don’t let your dog hump your leg

Turns out humping doesn’t just happen in Tone Loc songs. One of my dogs has this weird obsession with a stuffed heart. She’s adored it since she was a puppy. But the situation got out of hand (she was humping it all the time) so I hid it about 3 years ago. I forgot about the heart until I recently found it.

I thought to myself, “She’s matured, she won’t act like the cheese block in those Cheese-It commercials.”

I was wrong. The reunion was a tear-jerker. But now she’s back to humping. It wouldn’t be so bad, except that she tries to latch onto my leg while she’s doing it! So yesterday as I pushed her away, one of her little dew claws did this: I don’t think it’s difficult to see that she totally scratched half my shin, the little punk! And it hurt! I guess it could be worse, though. Like finding out Sheena was a man! Yowza!

-Out of the Wilderness