A good example of what I mean in the title is my neighbors here in Nashville. So many times over the years the neighbors (on both sides of my house) have gone out of their way to help with my yard work, give me trinkets, tools, etc and pretty much every time this happens I have a sense of debt in my mind.
Does that ever happen to you?
At times I consider it noble to feel this way, I want to earn everything that comes my way. But I think something else is actually closer to the truth. It isn’t noble at all to deny someone their kindness towards others (in this case, me). The feeling that I “owe” them is not a good thing, it’s probably unhealthy, and it very well could take away the full joy of receiving something as a gift.
I think I have been this way for a long, long time and in one sense it’s not a bad thing to treat others the way I want to be treated (when I’m given something, be on the lookout for how I can return the kindness), but if it comes from a place of repayment, that isn’t good.
Have you dealt with this sort of feeling before? What have you done to change this internal struggle?
Thanks for stopping by!
-Out of the Wilderness