Oh, I wish I didn’t have Covid on Christmas.
I guess I’ve been bad and that’s why Santa did this.
He could have put coal in my stocking, or brought bacon scented body spray.
But instead he brought the ‘Rona in his big red sleigh.
Presents under the tree, I hear laughing in an uproar,
I watch through a window, like a mannequin at the store.
Why did he bring toys and happiness to everyone else,
He could’ve at least brought me Schweppes since he knows how bad I felt.
Why not just make me listen to Mariah Carey, or Justin Bieber songs?
Ok I take that back, that’s just cruel and wrong.
Make me untangle lights, or clean up behind his deer,
Work in retail Christmas Eve, or hold my breath till snow appears.
Watch Frozen a thousand times or Frozen 2 once,
Almost anything’s better than a holiday virus punch.
On second thought, it could be worse,
At least he didn’t make me work as Biden’s nurse.
Rudolph and me, the outcasts of the day,
But if there’s any silver lining, this is what I would say,
In the bag of peppers I reached a little deeper,
And sprinkled Santa’s milk and cookies with Carolina reapers.
-Out of the Wilderness