When I was young I had a slight temper. An instance comes to mind when the family was out on my dad’s boat one day. My brother and I were sitting at the little kitchenette table and I guess he was bothering me, as older brothers are known to do. A spoon dropped under the table and when he crawled down to get it, I used my foot in a way that’s probably illegal in 10 states. Of course my mom found out and that’s pretty much the only spanking I remember from my childhood. Sometimes she used a paddle… you know that paddle with the rubber ball attached to it? We probably got it at Chuck E. Cheese thinking it was the best toy ever. We had no idea that, with a little modification (removing the ball and string), we’d hate that little paddle. Well, this time on the boat, she spanked me with her bare hand on my bare bottom for what had to be 35 hours straight. If using the paddle is a threat level orange, this time we were at threat level flashing red! It was epic before epic was cool. And it wasn’t cool, I’ll tell you that. But it worked.
Another effective tool was grounding me from TV. Such was the case one weekend when I did something else not to their liking, and I wasn’t allowed to watch MacGyver Monday night. Through tears, I said, “But I’ve been waiting all week!” Didn’t matter. Can you imagine, though? Waiting all week in a world without DVR, TiVo, Netflix, or internet? So missing it pretty much meant I would never, ever, ever see that episode of MacGyver. Will he save the day? Will he use a gun? Well, yes and no. MacGyver always saved the day, but he never used a gun. He didn’t need one because he had paper clips.
So I’ve worked in television for about 7 years now. I find it ironic that what my parents used to discipline me has now become my career. But geez, I wish they would’ve grounded me from professional football.