Being punished by God

Do you ever feel like you’re being punished by God? I had one of those experiences recently, and I’m so glad it didn’t last long. In those couple of days one thing I found interesting is that I had anger towards God. And that, my friends, is me admitting I’m not very spiritually mature. To think about it another way, try remembering when one of your parents grounded you. More times that not, we were instantly mad at our parents, right? Forget whatever we did wrong, that was totally beside the point! How dare mom or dad discipline us and RUIN OUR LIVES!!!!!!!
rain

“I turned my back on everything that was true.”

That’s the same way I acted when I felt like I was being punished by God. I was all like, “Wassup with that, God?” “Why me?” “Why don’t you care?” And God was all like, “Read the Bible!” “Isaiah 58.” “Chump!” OK, OK, not in those exact words but I opened up to Isaiah 58 and yowza, a scolding. A brief recap: God’s people were wondering why He didn’t seem to care about them (this happened quite a bit with them). They did this or that thinking it’s what God wanted. But He called them out on it, with beautiful clarity and insight. That’s the first half of the chapter, anyway. It goes on to offer what God desired from them, and for them. It’s sweet, actually, and very encouraging. After reading that chapter, I saw my attitude for what it really was: sour, unjustified, and immature.

“Left to myself I realize / I am the maker of my own demise.”

I was upset with God when I should’ve been upset with myself. What I blamed Him for was actually just a consequence of my own shortcoming. And while He may have allowed it to happen, feeling like punishment to me, it might have simply been Him using the consequences as discipline. Like if you’re a parent, maybe you did’t save your child from getting suspended when they got caught skipping school or whatever. Know what I mean? They reaped (rept? rooped?) what they had sown. It’s a chance for them to learn something, even if it’s the hard way.

Father-and-Son-Holding-Hands

“Some people gotta learn the hardway.”

This experience was a low moment, but I hope I never forget it because man, God is so good. He hung with me through it and even had a blessing for me on the other side. Totally unfair. A blessing. I was all like, “Really?” and God was all like, “Really.”

Not in those exact words. 🙂

-Out of the Wilderness

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Falling in Love: Part 2

Honestly, I’ve been sitting on that post for a while. It’s the most transparent I’ve been, well, the most personal. I love writing in a way that makes you laugh, that makes me laugh, but that one, obviously, is different. I sincerely hope you look at me with compassion, without much judgement, and continue hanging on as I make my way through this wilderness.

I know if any girl I was dating or about to date read my last post, they wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. But the post wasn’t about saving my dating life. To be honest, there’s not much to save anyway. I wanted to come clean, whether it’s to 3 readers or 3,000. Because there’s only one me and I’m trying to make that one me look like the me I want him to be. He looks a lot like my grandfathers. He acts like them, and acts like my dad…chivalrous, caring, maybe rough around the edges but has respect for people, and for women. That’s part of what being a Wilder is. Another part is extreme athleticism (OK I’ll stop trying to be funny). But strip away my last name, and you know what, it’s really part of what being a man is. Like Hozier sings, “we were born sick” and according to the Bible, it’s true. I was born selfish, dirty, and in need of some discipline.

These last couple of posts are about the journey since that birth day.

-Out of the Wilderness

They Used MacGyver Against Me!

tantrum

(not me)

When I was young I had a slight temper. An instance comes to mind when the family was out on my dad’s boat one day. My brother and I were sitting at the little kitchenette table and I guess he was bothering me, as older brothers are known to do. A spoon dropped under the table and when he crawled down to get it, I used my foot in a way that’s probably illegal in 10 states. Of course my mom found out and that’s pretty much the only spanking I remember from my childhood. Sometimes she used a paddle… you know that paddle with the rubber ball attached to it? We probably got it at Chuck E. Cheese thinking it was the best toy ever. We had no idea that, with a little modification (removing the ball and string), we’d hate that little paddle. Well, this time on the boat, she spanked me with her bare hand on my bare bottom for what had to be 35 hours straight. If using the paddle is a threat level orange, this time we were at threat level flashing red! It was epic before epic was cool. And it wasn’t cool, I’ll tell you that. But it worked.

Another effective tool was grounding me from  TV. Such was the case one weekend when I did something else not to their liking, and I wasn’t allowed to watch MacGyver Monday night. Through tears, I said, “But I’ve been waiting all week!” Didn’t matter. Can you imagine, though? Waiting all week in a world without DVR, TiVo, Netflix, or internet? So missing it pretty much meant I would never, ever, ever see that episode of MacGyver. Will he save the day? Will he use a gun? Well, yes and no. MacGyver always saved the day, but he never used a gun. He didn’t need one because he had paper clips.

macgyverSo I’ve worked in television for about 7 years now. I find it ironic that what my parents used to discipline me has now become my career. But geez, I wish they would’ve grounded me from professional football.