Single Forever

There’s a wind of change coming on in my life. The only way I can think to describe how I feel is a deep ocean. And at the same time, I sit paralyzed by recent events. But I mean stillness in the best possible way. Like my life is being altered and decades from now I’ll look back and be able to pinpoint this season I’m in now as a major landmark in my life. From the sadness of grandparents passing to a sister who’s finally getting a ‘yes’ for her prayers. Seeing old friends and saying goodbye to other friends. Things are changing. My brother calls 2014 “The Year of New Things” and it’s looking like he’s exactly right. New things. And I’m reminded of the words of Jesus, “I’m making all things new.” I can’t quite piece all this together, but the ground is shifting. It’s like the earth. Lots of movement underneath the surface with plates shifting and moving. It seems like now those kinds of changes are really becoming visible and it’s good. And since my grandfather died a few weeks ago, I can tell the way I date, and maybe eventually the way I love someone, is changing, too. Because as I’ve looked through photos of him and my grandmother, and worked on a couple of videos with those pictures, I’m frozen in place by the love they shared. Yes, he was a soldier, a Christian, a father, and many other things, but gosh, man, if I had to boil it all down to one thing, he loved my grandma.

I don’t think I can live up to that standard, heck I haven’t gotten off to a good start by any means. But I’d rather be single forever than settle for anything less than that kind of love. I just won’t do it. Pop didn’t settle. Mom Mom didn’t settle. My desire to marry my best friend far outweighs my desire to marry. So it’s settled then. I might be single forever and that’s OK. But one day, if I’m lucky, I can have a love like this…

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