10 Ways to humanely torture a terrorist…or anyone really

There are many relatively humane ways to agitate someone. Forget waterboarding. Let go of your desire to go all Jack Bauer on someone. Just do any of the following and they’ll break… they will.

They aren’t allowed to wait for the shower to get warm. Seriously, they’ll either break or turn to ice. Especially effective in winter months.

Send them to IKEA without a map. (does not work for women, they’ll see this as some kind of reward)

During afternoon rush hour, make sure their lane is somehow always the slowest, even if they switch lanes. Seriously, it happens to me every day going home from work.

Put their alarm clock just out of their reach.

Make them change their Outlook password every 3 weeks like my work computer does to me!

Send them to the grocery store for peanuts. Seriously, what aisle are those on??

Have them manage your Google+ account. I don’t even know if Google knows how to do it.

Tie him in front of a TV while baseball is on.

Take away all 2-ply toilet paper. 1-ply does still exist, people, and let me tell ya, it’s thin.

Make them explain to their parents why they’re still single. A few minutes of this will accomplish more than a thousand Army Generals could.

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