You’re so pale. How pale? Even Nicole Kidman said you need some color.
That guy in your office is looking more and more like a coconut every day.
You sprinkle salt in your Speedo to remind yourself what chafing feels like.
Hit the beach before Trump puts a wall around it to keep you out!
Hit the beach before Bernie Sanders gives it away to people who are less beachy.
Hit the beach before Hillary says “beach rights are human rights!” and kicks you off for walking all over it.
At the beach, you might, you might, be able to have a few minutes without hearing something about the 2016 election.
This.
Your name is not Chuck Noland. Or Wilson.
You’re eagerly anticipating the premiere of The Bachelorette just to see which tropical beaches they make-out on.
Your tan clearly ends just above your elbow, or just above your knee.
You’ve been taping Kroger’s entirely-too-long receipts together to make a beach towel.
Check out more signs here!
-Out of the Wilderness
