I was standing in the foyer of the church with the rest of the wedding party, including the woman I was about to marry. The guests had all been seated. Our wedding was about to start. We were moments away from the bride walking down the aisle. I guess this wedding was untraditional for 2 reasons:
- I was with the bride before the ceremony even started (tradition is for the groom to not see the bride on the wedding day until she’s walking down the aisle)
- She was first to take her place on the stage in front of the church, then I was to walk over from a side aisle to join her and the rest of the wedding party on stage
But tradition aside, I can still vividly remember the dire panic I felt in the pit of my very soul as I was about to marry the wrong woman. I didn’t love her. I didn’t even think she was cute! But I guess I just went along with the relationship as it progressed into something serious, through engagement, wedding plans, and now the wedding day.
Thoughts were running through my head about how I could get out of it. Run. Just run away. But then her dad would hunt me down and do bad things to me. I could stop the ceremony and announce to everyone that I can’t do it. Maybe pull the bride aside and tell her it’s off? That would be terrible timing seeing as how we’re literally at the wedding ceremony. OUR wedding ceremony. I could wait a few days or weeks then have it annulled. This was rising up in my mind as the best option. Just get through the ceremony, make pleasantries, have the first dance, all while knowing that it’s for nothing. These special moments mean nothing and will hurt her to no end when I admit to her it was all a mistake.
The terrible feeling, that pit in my stomach that reached deep into my soul, it was just as real as anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Then I woke up. Yes, this was all just a dream and I’ve never been more thankful to wake up than this particular morning. I can’t even explain with the right words how real this dream was. I even remember in the dream thinking that this is real, this isn’t a dream. Wow.
I may not ever know exactly the meaning of this dream so from what I can take from it at this point is that I never ever, ever, ever, ever want to feel the way I felt standing in the front of this church with a terrible feeling of marrying someone I don’t want to marry… and it being too late to do anything about it.
It was the most disheartening, worrisome, fear I’ve ever felt in real life or in dreams.
-Out of the Wilderness