Washington, D.C. — “Rain, rain, go away” is the story around the country this summer. In unprecedented fashion, it’s been a wet few months from California to the Carolinas. “This type of precipitation has the power to change your vacation plans,” says U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg. “Roadways will become flooded, damaged, and left unpassable.” In efforts to combat the deluge, President Biden green lighted a project in which a Biblical-sized ark will be built. Buttigieg, who’s spearheading the transportation-related project, has called on all car manufacturers except Tesla to work on an electric ark that will reduce dependence on fossil fuels.
“Typically arks just float. But for this project we’re throwing out archaic thinking and bringing this boat into the 21st century. Think depth finder, Garmin navigation, and conveyer belts for all the animals,” said one CEO with a bit of levity.
In case of a civilization-ending flood, boarding the ark will be all kinds of creatures, two by two. Along with creatures like alligators, rattlesnakes, and lions, it’s been decided that the most dangerous creatures will be included on the ark as well– two Democrats and two Republicans.