She must be floating on a raft in the Gulf of Mexico. Stuck in a snowbound Texas airport. Got bit by a rattlesnake. Hit by a greyhound bus. Lost in one of those mirror rooms. Stuck on top of a ferris wheel. Watching all of Lord of the Rings back to back to back. Said something at the same time as someone else and hasn’t been unjinxed. Waiting for her EV to be fully charged. She’s waiting in line to show her receipt on the way out of Sam’s Club. On stage in Branson, Missouri. Dangling from a ski lift in Colorado. Wrestling a wolf. Playing “whoever talks first loses.” She got a new phone and lost my number. Fell through the ice while she was ice fishing. She time travelled back to the future. She started dating Leonardo DiCaprio. Donated her phone to Ukraine. The cocaine bear ate her. She’s running across the country. She stared at the sun for too long and now she’s in the hospital for an indefinite amount of time. She can’t text because she lost her arms and legs swimming with piranhas. She became a nun. She’s having a Hallmark month-long movie marathon. She choked on a whole bunch of lady bugs. She got hit in the head with a garbage can lid by a WWE wrestler.
In other words, I’m out of ways to say this woman is gone. In song form…
-Out of the Wilderness
Out of the Wilderness 