I guess I’m weird?

I recently had a chat with a good friend and he and I often talk about relationships. In this conversation he let me vent about something that’s been bothering me the past few weeks. So for that alone, if my friend is reading this– thank you, sir!

I won’t get into the details of my issues quite yet, maybe in a future post, but we wrapped up the conversation with this word play:

Maybe I’m single because I’m weird.
But I’m not weird because I’m single.

Thanks for stopping by…

-Out of the Wilderness

I suck at relationships

This is kind of just a reminder to myself that I’m terrible at relationships. You, kind reader, think about a few of the worst things a man can do to sabotage a relationship and I’ve probably done it. I mean, I’ve never cheated or done any physical harm, but I’ve been a bully. I’ve said things that were mean. I didn’t care. I was selfish.

It’s why a lot of my posts are about failed relationships or terrible dates. Had I got it right, even once, these things I write and post would be a lot different. My life would be a lot different. I wouldn’t be 41 and single. I may not even have 2 dogs. Hell, I may not even live in Nashville if I did even one less selfish thing in the handful of meaningful relationships I’ve been in.

Who knows! Ya know? We’ll never know what might have been… and while that is a Debby Downer kind of thought, I guess my story, and yours, too, is still being written. Let’s not give up quite yet, OK? I have a feeling we’re somewhere in the middle but the rest of the story is about to get really good.

-Out of the Wilderness

She burped and it was all over

There’s this Elton John song I’ve been hearing on SiriusXM radio recently and I can’t help but love it. Have you heard this one yet?

Gosh I love lyrics. Gosh I love love. Gosh I’m lonely.

But to be serious, this is a great song! Had I heard it when it first came out back in 2013 I may have probably for sure definitely tucked myself under a bundle of blankets and wept till I fell asleep… because of a break-up I probably for sure definitely talked about in this post. So now we’re here… 7 years later and the song is stuck in my head. I want to tuck it under a bundle of blankets each night and rock it to sleep and wake up in the morning and fix breakfast for it before we go out looking for antiques at estate sales across Nashville.

OK that got weird. But this Elton John song reminds me of another one that I loved in high school. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” remember that one?

This song doesn’t remind me of Lion King. Nope. It reminds me of this girl I liked in high school, who I met at a church camp. She could burp on command and I knew, I just KNEW she was my person. I mean, the burping… I’m not saying that’s why I liked her but I’m not saying that’s not NOT why I liked her. What I can say is this, she had me at…

That’s neither here nor there. The whole point of this post is about having that special someone in your, or my, life. The person who you can’t be without. Nights you are not with this person have you singing the Elvis blues. One thing I miss the most…

Holding hands and realizing you can’t tell if the heartbeat you feel in your hand is yours or hers.

If you have the chance to experience something like that with someone you love, or even just like, remember those special moments that singers write songs about. As for me, it’s a random night in January, I’m alone, and for now I’m doing OK with that. But one day I hope to meet a woman that can either literally or metaphorically burp on command and she’ll already have my heart.

-Out of the Wilderness

41 and dating in 2020

Less than a month ago I turned 41 years old. Some men at my age have grown kids. Some might even be grandparents! But me?

It’s not for lack of trying. I had a handful of good dates in 2019. You see, success (meaning: getting any date at all) started quick in 2019. As in… January 1st I had my first date of the year. We met at The Well Coffeehouse in Nashville and had an enjoyable conversation. I remember thinking, “This is a good way to kick off a new year!” We talked about meeting up again…

Never. Never will I see this woman again.

This quick start to 2019 was an exception to the rule. I don’t think I had another date for a long time after that. Most of 2019 went this way, and the other day it dawned on me… most of my dates were first dates. Rarely was there ever a second date. Before you have pity on me, though, I’ll admit sometimes all we ever planned was to make-out, and one date was enough.

It’s now middle of January and so far, it’s been about the same. I’ve had a couple of first dates but I’ll commit to this right here and now… 2020 is about the elusive second date!

So here’s to less first dates in 2020!

-Out of the Wilderness

Football coach flips the script on offensive creativity

Indianapolis, IN — It was about two decades ago when Kansas State made a splash in college football introducing the wildcat offense. It was highly effective, so much so that many other football teams including those on the professional level all the way down to peewee ball* incorporated it into their playbook.

In this variation of a run pass option, usually it’s a running back that will line up as the quarterback, take the snap, and either run it themselves or hand it off to another running back lined up in the backfield with them. The team’s quarterback will line up as a receiver, or simply remove themself from the field for the entirety of the wildcat formation.

Since the inception of this defense-confusing-lineup, coaches have become more aware and in turn been able to foil most wildcat variations, which is why it’s mostly fallen off most playbooks on all levels.

Enter coach Trevor Knightby. He was a graduate assistant on the sidelines of his college team when he first saw the wildcat used. It was then, he says, the idea was born for another offensive revelation.

“I had no idea I’d become a head coach one day,” says Knightby, “but my parents wouldn’t let me move back in after college unless I helped my dad out with the local high school’s sucky team– I mean– promising young team.”

The senior Knightby, then the coach of the worst varsity squad in the state, was gently forced out of his position mid-season (although he was allowed to remain on staff as a 10th grade history teacher) and that’s when Trevor took over. “It was the fourth or fifth game that year and pretty much the entire city had moved on to prepare for the upcoming basketball season. We’re known for being an almost average basketball school, so I guess most people thought even that was better than a football team that hadn’t scored a touchdown since Saban was an NFL coach.”

Knightby threw caution to the wind and started running an offense never before seen on any level of football. To call it a variation of the wildcat is a wildcat understatement. Under Knightby’s leadership, this new offense was ghostly, surprising, and could downright cause reactions of apocalyptic proportions.

In his offense, there are 11 players on the field but that’s about where the similarities to the wildcat end. In fact, that’s where similarities to any offense you’ve ever seen end. What you won’t see are running backs, quarterbacks, or passes. Knightby credits his dating life for the new radical offense. “My ‘aha’ moment was actually when I was ghosted by a girl I’d met a few weeks earlier. She was nice, but one day she just disappeared. Haven’t heard from her since.”

Take that to the gridiron and you have an offense line, a handful of wide receivers, and that’s it. The center snaps the ball to an empty backfield (where most teams position a quarterback), causing the defense to feel like the quarterback must be ghosting them. They scramble around assuming they’re missing something but don’t want to be made to look foolish.

This design has yet to earn a win for Knightby’s team, and in fact, at the time of this publication, they haven’t gained any yardage, points, or respect from the city.

-Out of the Wilderness News

*Peewee league teams using the wildcat cannot be confirmed, as none of the news staff has ever actually watched a peewee football game.