Donald Trump cost me a date, so I wrote him a letter

Dear Donald Trump,

While I believe you are attempting to do good for our country, there is a person here in Tennessee that has been negatively affected by your accomplishments. And that person is me. You see, among other things, I like that you care for the unborn. I like that you care for the born. In fact, my appreciation for your preservation of our society is why I’m writing this today.

Recently I struck up a relationship with a pretty lady. Now, I’ll be the first to admit we weren’t exactly a match made in Heaven. Areas she and I disagreed on were mostly deal-breakers but early on we DID agree on something: to focus on what we had in common. This seems like what any two mature adults would do, knowing that if we were to bring up and only discuss the things we didn’t see eye-to-eye on, our relationship was doomed.

We talked about animals. We talked about music. I even said I like Taylor Swift. Then out of left field, she asked if I supported you, Mr. President. Knowing she held strong liberal beliefs I wanted to respond with something clever and lighthearted but couldn’t exactly come up with an answer that would keep the peace. So I simply said, “I do.” No two words could have destroyed her more than these. It’s as if I called her a dog-faced pony soldier, and meant it!

In the Bible (the book you held upside down once, you rascal!), one might propose that the overarching theme could be summed up in two words, “But God…” As hopeful as THOSE two words are, the two words I said were the exact opposite. Powerful in their lack of hope for our relationship turning into a “happily ever after” (like Noah and Allie’s did in The Notebook).

After the infamous, “I do,” the conversation was ending and it was ending fast. Clearly she knew in her heart of hearts that I was a racist, sexist, homophobic pig (I AM a white man, after all) and she didn’t want anything to do with it. The last nail in the coffin came after she asked me to share a few reasons why I support you. I think the third thing I mentioned was about your work preventing government funds from going to entities that perform abortions. By the way, did you know one person cannot have two blood types? I wrote a blog post about how this simple scientific fact supports life, not choice… in regards to abortion.

Anyway, after I brought up your work against abortion, you would’ve thought I just told her Cheez-It’s aren’t made with real cheese. Her patience with me had run out so she wished me well and it was over. I’ll give her credit for not wasting more time with someone that doesn’t believe exactly the same things she does.

I’ve never written to a President before so I’m not sure how to end this. I guess I’ll put it this way, sir… I’m STILL single. Of course, I rather have you in the White House than a mad woman in mine.


I guess I’m weird?

I recently had a chat with a good friend and he and I often talk about relationships. In this conversation he let me vent about something that’s been bothering me the past few weeks. So for that alone, if my friend is reading this– thank you, sir!

I won’t get into the details of my issues quite yet, maybe in a future post, but we wrapped up the conversation with this word play:

Maybe I’m single because I’m weird.
But I’m not weird because I’m single.

Thanks for stopping by…

-Out of the Wilderness

I suck at relationships

This is kind of just a reminder to myself that I’m terrible at relationships. You, kind reader, think about a few of the worst things a man can do to sabotage a relationship and I’ve probably done it. I mean, I’ve never cheated or done any physical harm, but I’ve been a bully. I’ve said things that were mean. I didn’t care. I was selfish.

It’s why a lot of my posts are about failed relationships or terrible dates. Had I got it right, even once, these things I write and post would be a lot different. My life would be a lot different. I wouldn’t be 41 and single. I may not even have 2 dogs. Hell, I may not even live in Nashville if I did even one less selfish thing in the handful of meaningful relationships I’ve been in.

Who knows! Ya know? We’ll never know what might have been… and while that is a Debby Downer kind of thought, I guess my story, and yours, too, is still being written. Let’s not give up quite yet, OK? I have a feeling we’re somewhere in the middle but the rest of the story is about to get really good.

-Out of the Wilderness

She burped and it was all over

There’s this Elton John song I’ve been hearing on SiriusXM radio recently and I can’t help but love it. Have you heard this one yet?

Gosh I love lyrics. Gosh I love love. Gosh I’m lonely.

But to be serious, this is a great song! Had I heard it when it first came out back in 2013 I may have probably for sure definitely tucked myself under a bundle of blankets and wept till I fell asleep… because of a break-up I probably for sure definitely talked about in this post. So now we’re here… 7 years later and the song is stuck in my head. I want to tuck it under a bundle of blankets each night and rock it to sleep and wake up in the morning and fix breakfast for it before we go out looking for antiques at estate sales across Nashville.

OK that got weird. But this Elton John song reminds me of another one that I loved in high school. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” remember that one?

This song doesn’t remind me of Lion King. Nope. It reminds me of this girl I liked in high school, who I met at a church camp. She could burp on command and I knew, I just KNEW she was my person. I mean, the burping… I’m not saying that’s why I liked her but I’m not saying that’s not NOT why I liked her. What I can say is this, she had me at…

That’s neither here nor there. The whole point of this post is about having that special someone in your, or my, life. The person who you can’t be without. Nights you are not with this person have you singing the Elvis blues. One thing I miss the most…

Holding hands and realizing you can’t tell if the heartbeat you feel in your hand is yours or hers.

If you have the chance to experience something like that with someone you love, or even just like, remember those special moments that singers write songs about. As for me, it’s a random night in January, I’m alone, and for now I’m doing OK with that. But one day I hope to meet a woman that can either literally or metaphorically burp on command and she’ll already have my heart.

-Out of the Wilderness

41 and dating in 2020

Less than a month ago I turned 41 years old. Some men at my age have grown kids. Some might even be grandparents! But me?

It’s not for lack of trying. I had a handful of good dates in 2019. You see, success (meaning: getting any date at all) started quick in 2019. As in… January 1st I had my first date of the year. We met at The Well Coffeehouse in Nashville and had an enjoyable conversation. I remember thinking, “This is a good way to kick off a new year!” We talked about meeting up again…

Never. Never will I see this woman again.

This quick start to 2019 was an exception to the rule. I don’t think I had another date for a long time after that. Most of 2019 went this way, and the other day it dawned on me… most of my dates were first dates. Rarely was there ever a second date. Before you have pity on me, though, I’ll admit sometimes all we ever planned was to make-out, and one date was enough.

It’s now middle of January and so far, it’s been about the same. I’ve had a couple of first dates but I’ll commit to this right here and now… 2020 is about the elusive second date!

So here’s to less first dates in 2020!

-Out of the Wilderness