Tyler Childers “In Your Love” is NOT the gayest country music video ever!

American culture can really be a roller coaster and if you forget to pay attention you run the risk of offending somebody for any number of reasons. Country music is no different, just look at Jason Aldean’s latest video “Try That In A Small Town.” White people everywhere are offended on behalf of other races, so heroic. Well, it’s time for the gays to have a bit of the spotlight since they’re always overlooked and forgotten about. Wait, what month is it? I can’t ever remember if saying “gay” is disrespectful or we’re SUPPOSED to be saying it. But you won’t be able watch a brand new video from Tyler Childers and think about any other word. It’s pretty gay.

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But is that the gayest country music video? Of course not. Some of my favorite people are gay so this is in no way a judgement of their lifestyle, think of it as more of a lighthearted look at music videos that could be seen as way gayer than the one we just watched. All in good fun, folks! You probably didn’t think there was a more gay country song, did you? And no, I’m not talking about Brantley Gilbert’s “Bottoms Up” (kinda gay if you think about the title and what gay men like to do behind closed doors… or during pride parades). Or any song from Kenny Chesney (rumors…and just rumors… are that he MIGHT think men’s tractors are sexy, they really turn him on). Let’s get to some real stuff, though.

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Florida Georgia Line “Cruise” – Categorizing this one as homosexual might seem like a stretch given the lyrics are about relationships between men and women and how the hotness of the women make the men want to get in their lifted truck and speed through small towns. But the women in the video are so hot. Like, muy caliente hot. When’s the last time you saw a 10 walking around with a 6, ya know? Two men with a group of very hot women can only be one of two things: 1. They don’t know yet that they’re gay. 2. They’re fashion designers (gay). The guys in the video are not fashion designers. You do the math.

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Dan + Shay “10,000 Hours” – Another telltale sign is a guy marrying a woman to hide his gayness. After watching this video, the first word that comes to mind: Soft. I get it that the guys love their wives dearly, but not even the straightest of straight guys wants to spend 10,000 hours listening to a woman talk about what she dreamed the night before. That’s the stuff a woman has female friends for. Well, female friends or soft, gay husbands.

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Little Big Town “Girl Crush” – Along the same lines but not quite as lesbianish as Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” is Little Big Town singing “Girl Crush,” and the lead singer is NOT one of the two guys. Yep, a woman singing about a crush on a woman is textbook gay. Well, the layered lyrics aren’t exactly about that but on the surface… it’s gayer than a woman protesting Trump while sipping a cold Frothy Monkey coffee from a paper straw.

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Of course, this is all written for a laugh. Just chuckle as if you have a crush on me, OK? I want to make clear that in no ways am I suggesting Dan, Shay, Florida Georgia Line, Little Big Town, Katy Perry, Tyler Childers, Jason Aldean, Brantley Gilbert, Kenny Chesney, they, them, we, us, or anyone else is gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

-Out of the Wilderness