Out of the Wilderness

It was somewhere around 6th or 7th grade and my girlfriend was a cute curly-headed girl named Wendy Binstead. In the early 90s when this relationship blossomed, there were 3 ways to talk to someone. Only 3. In person, on the telephone, or through mail. So for me, there was a certain excitement when the phone rang. Usually the call was for my parents, but for the few seconds before someone answered there was always a chance it could be her. There was an air of wonder when the mail came, as well. Oh, I got a Valentine’s card from her once and the front said, “For my special guy.” Wow. I was over the moon about that one. I was a guy. Not a boy. Not a 7th grader. A guy.

She and I talked on the phone a few times a week, I suppose. And to this day I remember asking her pretty much every phone call, “Do you still like me?” I’m not sure why I asked her that, but my suspicion is that I believed at some point her answer would be, “No.”

I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Thinking back to those conversations makes me laugh, but also a tiny bit sad that I was so shy and not so confident. Why can’t a good thing keep going? Why did I think it would come to an end sooner or later?

The 7th grade Ben is all grown up now. But even at age 37, I still want to be liked. That’s part of my personality. I’m still shy. I have more confidence, but I also still care about what people think of me. It affects how I think about myself, whether that’s totally healthy or not.

On these phone calls with Wendy, I also remember long periods of silence. It sounds awkward now, but it wasn’t awkward to me back then. Maybe there was comfort just knowing that I was “with” her, like that lone fact was enough, whether we talked or not. This common occurrence was an early sign that quality (or quantity) time was something I valued.

Someone wanted to be with me, and even today, that’s more valuable than gold… and words, too.

-Out of the Wilderness

How many people have been literally stopped by a stop sign? Well, now I can raise my hand as a response to that question.

It was a pretty predictable day until this happened! A little rain and low tread on the tires made this right turn more than I could negotiate. I’m so lame!

Light damage to the front bumper, light damage to my ego.

-Out of the Wilderness

 

When I changed my diet a couple years ago by cutting out dairy and meat altogether, the biggest catalyst was concerning my allergies. My friend challenged me by saying that if I cut out dairy, my allergy symptoms might diminish. I was so happy over the course of the next few months and year that it seemed to be working. I learned a lot along the way, other benefits from eating healthy that wasn’t even part of the plan.

So now that I’m currently sneezing and itching my eyes, I thought it might be a good time to talk about my vegan diet. I’m not afraid to admit that what I originally thought may not be true. Maybe I thought eating a lot healthier was a pot of gold, that it would solve all my allergy problems, that I’d avoid a heart attack like my grandfather and father both suffered, that I wouldn’t get older. Like being a vegan was a magic pill or something. But sorry Chainsmokers featuring Halsey, we are getting older. Fact of life. We are all getting older. And no one has all the answers.

I’m sure that song is some kind of metaphor that I just haven’t thought about, but anyway, back to the diet. I’m still so happy I woke up to the reality that what goes in my body is important. Good metabolism is awesome, but that was no way to excuse my careless habits. So where am I now?

-big fan of Amy’s brand (vegan and vegetarian meals), Healthy Life brand breads, Food for life frozen breads.

-love avocados, sweet potatoes, rice, cantaloupe, spinach, almond milk, orange juice, apples, mushrooms, bananas, peanuts, peanut butter, veggie burgers, and more.

-thinking of the future and avoiding the same fate as my dad and grandfather, no heart attacks!

-more aware of organic foods, dyes that are in snacks and food and how they relate to behavior (side note: there’s a school of thought that these dyes and other manufactured elements in food contribute directly to autistic characteristics and behaviors)

-if you’re thinking, “I could never give up _____,” but you know something needs to change, try an alternative food to the one you can’t give up. There are a lot of healthy choices out there, more now than ever.

-I have dreams where I eat meat, or drink milk, and it breaks my heart, then I wake up and feel so relieved. Better than my other dreams where I’m hanging with Taylor Swift and wake up disappointed it wasn’t real 🙂

-I noticed the other day that I still wear my gym shorts from middle school. I say that because middle school was over 20 years ago. Please, no comments on my wardrobe choices, I know I have problems there 🙂 but I think it’s pretty great that my body is still not gaining weight in undesirable areas.

-I believe in the power of medicine, haven’t given that up… but I like to think of alternatives too, when it’s possible.

I suppose that’s about all for now. If you have any questions, I don’t know a lot but I can try to steer you in the right direction, like my friend did for me a couple years ago.

-Out of the Wilderness