Meeting the Ex’s Next

I’ve always thought our relationship was like Tom and Summer’s in (500) Days of Summer. When we were together, we weren’t ever quite on the same page. And there was a time after our breakup I really wanted to find (spoiler alert) Autumn first, like it was a competition. Honestly, what I really wanted was for her to find out I was with someone else, as if her jealousy would gratify me. That was a long time ago.

handshake
an example of a handshake

But I still didn’t know how it would feel to find out she had a new boyfriend. And in a dramatic twist, not only would I find out she did have a new boyfriend, I’d have the chance to meet him within the same hour! Holy I-Hope-This-Isn’t-Like-the-Dream-Sequence-In-Dumb & Dumber-When-Lloyd-Meets-Mary-(Samsonite)-Swanson’s-Husband, Batman! It was a curveball I wasn’t expecting. But hey, I’m a heck of a baseball player!

I was standing by the chili station at the company Christmas party and suddenly, there she was. And there he was. After the quick let’s-not-make-this-more-awkward introductions, I turned to the pot of chili. My buddy later asked, “On a scale of 10, how weird was that?” The answer is so refreshing. It was a zero. And it really was.

But if anyone had the expectation that I’d be happy for her, they’d be disappointed. I’m not upset or jealous either. I’m somewhere in the ballpark of indifference. And in reality, that’s a win.

-Out of the Wilderness

10 Signs She’s Not Into You… #1

First and foremost, any of these signs could hold more importance than the other, just depends on your situation. This last sign is tricky, because a lot of times girls will offer to pay for themselves simply as a gesture of kindness.

#1 She doesn’t let you pay for her.

They really want you to pay for them because that means it’s a date. However, if she insists on paying for herself, it might be time to yippy kiyiyay move along, little dogey. At least you got one date with her. Reminds me of the date I had at Which Wich. The one-date wonder, as I call her. I can’t remember who paid for who, but I never saw her again. Some would say the failure was when I thought a first date to Which Wich was a good idea. Others would agree.

And finally, thanks for reading! The list of 10 was in random order. There’s nothing that says your gut feeling is less important than her asking about your friend. But there had to be a #10 and there had to be a #1. If the order of this list bothers you, as my favorite girl on the cancelled show Kid Nation would say, “deal with it!”

-Out of the Wilderness

10 Signs She’s Not Into You… #2

Every summer the guys in my family go fishing 20 miles into the Gulf of Mexico [fishing video opens in a new window here!]. It can be a lot of fun, especially when the bite is on. And we always know the bite is on when we hear my dad say, “Talk to me, sweet lips!” as he reels one in. But even if you haven’t been out that far, or have never heard my dad talk to fish, the mechanics are just about the same wherever you are; you need bait, a hook, and patience. Sidenote: calling the fish “sweet lips” isn’t required, but you get bonus points, for sure.

Fish are smart, though. They will do whatever it takes to avoid getting caught. It’s not that much different with girls. They’re smart. They can see when…

#2 It’s just a game to you.

You see, dating is a lot like fishing. We’re all trying to lure in potential datees with how we dress, the cologne or perfume we use, etc.But if a girl (or guy, I suppose) can tell you’re just in it for the chase, then like the fish that just got your bait, she gone. You won’t have sweet lips talking to you any time soon!

-Out of the Wilderness

(fishing is the second half of this video)

10 Signs She’s Not Into You… #3

I can’t say it (or sing it) any better than Gotye did in the hit song from a while back. It’s all about a girl who’s not interested in a particular guy.

#3 She changes her phone number.

Double strike against you if she changes her number and has her friends collect her records. Ouchy McGouchy, bro.