…but every time it storms I have a lot of anxiety. I mostly associate PTSD symptoms with heroes in the military and people that have faced real trauma and come through it. So this storm/falling trees/heavy rain thing is minor compared to what those people have seen! It’s too bad, though, because I used to love storms. The sound of far off thunder, the steady waves of rain banging on the roof. I loved it. In fact, I’ve been known to sit in outside just to enjoy the sights and sounds. That is… until a couple of trees were blown over in a matter of seconds, landing directly on my roof! A strong gust of wind (and if you live in middle Tennessee, you know what these can be like) knocked many trees down in my neighborhood and I’ll never forget the sound and the anxiety from those moments.
Now I live in a travel trailer so every slight breeze is felt. A light rain echoes like a snare drum. I am a lot less safe in the trailer than I was in that brick house so when it rains or storms, I’m on edge. These storms definitely don’t help with the whole “I’m trying to sleep through the night like a normal human being” thing, that’s for sure!
I guess there’s a glimmer of hope, though. I became less anxious when I dug down into the fear. It’s wind. It’s trees falling. I take comfort that the travel trailer is parked in a pretty safe place. I don’t know if a tree has ever fallen anywhere close to where the trailer is. The trees are pretty tightly packed together, so that helps, too.
So is this PTSD, I don’t know? But it is definitely anxiety. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to enjoy the pitter patter of rain again, or watching waves of rain pass through while listening to thunder roar overhead.
See you again tomorrow…
-Out of the Wilderness
Out of the Wilderness 