In the spirit of Aretha Franklin’s “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” being offered up to the cancel culture (or was it satire?) because the idea of a man making a woman feel like a woman is somehow excluding or hating on the LGBTQ+ community and women in general, I’ve put together a list! I love lists. This one is definitely satire. I’ll just come out (get it?) and say it, all of these better be cancelled in 2023 if mankind has any hope of surviving! To hear the full track of each song, click on the link but be warned, you might get triggered…
Aerosmith “Dude Looks Like A Lady” The video starts off with catcall which is right away a recipe for cancellation… or at least a monetary fine. This whole song focuses on a guy that looks like a woman and at one point she ‘whipped out a gun’ and let me just tell you, it wasn’t a gun. You can’t be singing about a guy who looks like a woman in 2023 because he might identify as a woman, therefore he doesn’t look like a woman, he IS a woman. Cancelled.
Elvis Presley “Dirty, Dirty Feeling” This one should be first on the chopping block. With lyrics like ‘drag you home with me’ and ‘chain you to the wall,’ I’m quite honestly shocked this song hasn’t resurfaced (it was recorded in the 60s for the movie Tickle Me) because of the dirty, dirty feeling it gives liberals everywhere. CANCELLED!
Lou Reed “Walk on the Wild Side” Why this song hasn’t been cancelled yet is beyond me. We’re now required to capitalize the b in ‘black’ when referring to African-Americans and yet lyrics for this one include ‘…colored girls go doo, doo, doo, doo…” and I haven’t heard a peep about it. Where are the justice-seekers on this one? Cancelled.
Beach Boys “God Only Knows” Cancelling this one should be obvious. Any song played on a non-Christian station can’t include God in the title or lyrics. Come on, man! To acknowledge a higher power, especially the one from the Bible, is a nod to the patriarchy in America. CANCELLED!
DCTalk “Two Honks and a Negro” If this band were more mainstream and not mostly categorized as a Christian group, people would be outraged at their short song from 1992. The title is exactly why releasing this song in 2023 would never fly, even if the three guys (ya know, the two white guys and the
black Black guy) didn’t mean any harm by it. Cancelled.
Tone Loc “Funky Cold Medina” After the Bill Cosby fiasco, not to mention the “say, what’s in this drink” Christmas song, it’s no longer acceptable to tamper with drinks to get dates. So Tone Loc’s concoction of a song is wrong on more than one level. Not only does he offer someone a suspicious drink, but when he finds out ‘Sheena was a man,’ he immediately threw him out. In 2023, you can’t NOT date someone based on their gender! Come on, Tone. CANCELLED!
The Angels “My Boyfriend’s Back” A woman who depends on a man to save her reputation? Aw nuh uh, not in 2023! Women can do anything a man can do so if there’s another guy coming around and causing trouble for a woman, she needs not to wait for a knight in shining armor to rescue her. She’s her own hero! This song is cancelled.
AC/DC “Highway to Hell” To acknowledge there’s a place called Hell, one must also admit there must be a place called Heaven. If Heaven is real, then one must decide if there is a God in Heaven. If there’s a God in Heaven, a decision has to be made about what God is all about and if one considers this, they must also then decide what they’re going to do with the information they have about God. How dare this song possibly sing about Christian symbols and ideas! CANCELLED.
Pope “Common People” Lyrics that include such harmful words, no matter what they might mean in other countries (Pope is an English band where stuff like ‘biscuit’ means cookie), ought to be tossed out with last night’s stale crisps (those are chips, mate!). This song has the phrase ‘Smoke some fags…’ but it doesn’t mean winning a hundred yard dash against your homosexual classmates. But still, meaning doesn’t matter in 2023. This is cancelled.
The Police “Every Breath You Take” Cancelling this song shouldn’t come with any opposition. With lyrics fit for the most freakish of stalkers, ‘every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you,’ unless there’s a restraining order. Of course, there’s that inconvenient thing that crazy people probably don’t care much about laws. Either way, singing about being a clingy, obsessive stalker doesn’t sit so well in 2023. Cancelled!
How do you feel about this list of 10 must-cancel songs? Comment below with your thoughts and in the meantime I’m going to drink a tea, or have a brekkie, or whatever British people say for eating lunch.
-Out of the Wilderness