Single Forever

There’s a wind of change coming on in my life. The only way I can think to describe how I feel is a deep ocean. And at the same time, I sit paralyzed by recent events. But I mean stillness in the best possible way. Like my life is being altered and decades from now I’ll look back and be able to pinpoint this season I’m in now as a major landmark in my life. From the sadness of grandparents passing to a sister who’s finally getting a ‘yes’ for her prayers. Seeing old friends and saying goodbye to other friends. Things are changing. My brother calls 2014 “The Year of New Things” and it’s looking like he’s exactly right. New things. And I’m reminded of the words of Jesus, “I’m making all things new.” I can’t quite piece all this together, but the ground is shifting. It’s like the earth. Lots of movement underneath the surface with plates shifting and moving. It seems like now those kinds of changes are really becoming visible and it’s good. And since my grandfather died a few weeks ago, I can tell the way I date, and maybe eventually the way I love someone, is changing, too. Because as I’ve looked through photos of him and my grandmother, and worked on a couple of videos with those pictures, I’m frozen in place by the love they shared. Yes, he was a soldier, a Christian, a father, and many other things, but gosh, man, if I had to boil it all down to one thing, he loved my grandma.

I don’t think I can live up to that standard, heck I haven’t gotten off to a good start by any means. But I’d rather be single forever than settle for anything less than that kind of love. I just won’t do it. Pop didn’t settle. Mom Mom didn’t settle. My desire to marry my best friend far outweighs my desire to marry. So it’s settled then. I might be single forever and that’s OK. But one day, if I’m lucky, I can have a love like this…

Prescriptions Filled Daily

OK, my obsession with Dr. Mario is off the charts. Maybe because the temperature outside is too low to do anything useful so I’m inside more than usual? But just when I think I should seek help, I destroy another virus and my ranking goes up. And while I love Mario, I wouldn’t want him to be my doctor. Hello, he’s a plumber! I’d be sitting there like, “What are you gonna use the plunger for? I’m just here for a cold.” Uncomfortable much?

-Out of the Wilderness

Wacky Wednesday: My Life Would Suck Without You

Ok, technically my life with you sucks because you’re my vacuum and I love you. Those questionnaires, though, the ones that ask, “What will you be doing in 5 years? 10 years?” Never once did I answer that I’d be vacuuming my ceiling. But here I am. A 35-year old vacuuming the ceiling. So yes, my life sucks.

-Out of the Wilderness

A Love Story: Part Five

Before reading, feel free to get caught up here: A Love Story Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes this is all made up so please don’t congratulate me but do feel free to send me a Home Depot gift card as a wedding gift.

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With the vows completed, I knew the moment was upon us. It’s funny, this part of the ceremony had me more nervous than the whole “till death separates us” part. It’s my father, anyway, that thought a fear of commitment was my problem. Turns out, he was partly right. I was afraid of committing myself to someone who was good. But now I’ve found great and with the smooth voice of Vince Gill, the guitar skills of John Mayer, and the certain come hither look of Johnny Depp, I began to sing. Acoustic-Guitar-1OK, that’s not completely true. My come hither look was more like Joey from Friends. But what was lost in talent was made up for in this being a surprise. That’s right. None but myself and a select few knew I was going to perform during the ceremony. Not even my soon-to-be wife knew. But hey, I love surprises. The idea came to me years earlier when a song grabbed me and didn’t let me go till I did something with it. The song was “All I Want Is You” and what I was doing with it was learning it on a borrowed guitar. No one in their right mind expected this from me because 1. I don’t play guitar, 2. I don’t sing, and 3. if I did either, it wouldn’t be front of an audience. But just after she finished her vows and the pastor prayed, I smiled and went to get the guitar. Forgetting that I was nervous, I looked towards the audience and shrugged my shoulders as if to say, “Here goes nothing.” Light chuckles from around the darkened room.

I tread my way through, rough but definitely sounding kind of, sort of, if you tilt your head a little, like the U2 song. After all, it’s not my talent or my desire to “make it big” driving me, it’s my heart. And to know this surprise might make her smile, that’s enough for me to say yes to doing something that terrified me. That smile, that smile is worth more than my comfort. I could barely look at her while I sang because I might forget the words, laugh, cry, or all three at the same time. But as I strummed the last note our eyes connected. That’s a moment I won’t soon forget. She looked so proud and happy. After setting the guitar back down, I joined her on stage, clasping her hands in mine. Meanwhile my brother made his way to the mic at the end of the stage. He read, “The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” That’s a couple of verses from Psalm 145. Then her sister, a bridesmaid, approached the mic to sing her favorite hymn, “How Great Thou Art.”

At the time most couples would light a unity candle or pour colored sand into a jar, we opted to do both. We lit sand on fire and poured it in a jar. No, but that would’ve been cool, right? We brought bricks to each set of parents and had them signed. We told them that just like the 2 bricks will forever be part of our home one day, they will  be, too. That was her idea and I loved it since day one. She was full of good ideas. I learned that as early as our first date.

Check back soon for A Love Story: Part Six, which will reveal more about our first date.

-Out of the Wilderness

Baby, Baby, Baby

Remember that song from an innocent little teeny bopper named Justin Bieber? It wasn’t that long ago, but my, my, my how he’s gone off the deep end. I hope he can get his act together but for now, for me and my household, it’s time to metaphorically remove him from the hard drive. And actually by metaphorically, I mean literally. I figured Hanson would, but I never, ever expected Nsync’s “Giddy Up” would last longer on my iPod. Crazy world.

-Out of the Wilderness

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