Being single at 38 years old

NOTE: This was originally written last spring but I recently decided to go ahead and share it. Life in and out of the dating world can be a roller coaster emotionally. Count the following as a moment of bare honesty on my roller coastery journey.


I’m not exactly sure where this post will go, but I wanted to write down thoughts I’ve been having as a single guy at my old age. Old! That’s how I feel some days. Usually that sensation comes over me the night of, or the morning after, playing basketball or volleyball. I move a little slower, I groan a little more, I tighten my bathrobe a little more snugly arond me. I’m pretty happy with where my life is, with what I’m doing, and the friends I spend time with. Is this where I thought I’d be at 38? The truth is, I don’t ever remember thinking about where I’d be at 30 or 40. And even though I feel old sometimes, I feel really good other times.

I also think I’m past the question, “Why aren’t you married yet?” …because I haven’t been asked it in ages. The answer is always the same: haven’t found the right one yet. That’s partly true. I’ve dated on and off for the past few years and I’ve been in the company of greatness. But for whatever reason the relationships fizzled and died, or never even really started. There have been a handful of dates that would have never happened, if I knew how they’d go. I’m thinking of one at Buffalo Wild Wings, or another attending a Ben Rector concert.

Disasters!

But truthfully, those, and other less memorable one-hit wonders, as in “I wonder why we are here, now, together,” have helped me get to where I am. A little more mature. A little more focused. A little less hopeful. Yes, I said less hopeful. It’s hard to keep hope alive all day every day.

In fact, I’d say it’s impossible.

In fact, stay away from people who are positive all the time, they’re hiding something!

In fact, you don’t want to be there when they explode.

I’ve gone through periods of great hope, great excitement. I want to be there again but I’m in a season of doubt right now. Doubt about marriage, doubt about even wanting to date. Because dating might lead to marriage, and I’m not even sure I want that. We’re taught through many ways that finding a partner will make life worthwhile, that you can be on top of the world like Jack and Rose if you find the other half of you. I don’t really believe that’s true. Life is worthwhile even without marriage. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Do you want to know the thought on the forefront of my mind the past week or so? It’s this…

Who’s going to take care of me when I’m old?

My mind drifts to 50 years from now when one of my nieces is stuck with checking in on their cenile uncle. You know, the one who never got married and had all the goats? He keeps mumbling about wanting more tattoos but his whole body is covered.

OK, OK, sometimes I think I’ll get a few more tattoos, not all over my whole body, though! But that would be me: the crazy, single, never-married uncle who didn’t reach his potential as a husband or maybe even a dad.

People get married later in life. People get divorced later in life. People stay single their entire lives. So many different stories. I’m in the middle of mine, just wondering if a co-writer might come along who can help me, and let me help them, through the next few dozen chapters.

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How “Never Ever” hooked me…

The other day it finally dawned on me why I really like the 57-second intro for this song from 1997. The worldwide hit by All Saints is called “Never Ever,” and I never ever put two and two together that the music underneath the spoken intro is “Amazing Grace”!


A completely intentional move on the part of the band, and a good one, I might add. They add a slight variation to the centuries old hymn, but there’s enough there that this old wily detective finally caught on, two decades later. :/

While researching this, I was surprised to discover “Amazing Grace” is originally the tune of a song called “New Britain.”


I also came across an article that explains in more detail how the band used AG in their song, but here’s a snippet:

A text within a text. “Never Ever” does have something special of this sort. In its harmony it explicitly refers to an old popular song, “Amazing Grace”, which has become part of our collective musical consciousness. In “Never Ever” the chords of the first four measures of this hymn are clearly audible behind the spoken intro, as they are accentuated by the piano accompaniment and the voices in the background. And the ghost of this song will stay there for the remainder of “Never Ever”. This overlay of songs turns the songlines of “Never Ever” into a text within a text.

-Out of the Wilderness

Some of my favorite clever song lyrics

I remember a few years ago when I first heard REO Speedwagon’s “Roll With the Changes,” I thought to myself, “Are they still coming out with new songs? I love this one.” I was completely wrong. It’s not that they aren’t touring together, because they are, but the song is from 1978! I couldn’t believe it’s as old as me, since I’m from 1978, too. In fact, the album featuring the song was released 9 months before I was born… wait a second… ew gross, never mind.

I recently had Spotify on and this song played. You think people in 1978 ever thought in about 30 years you’d be able to listen to music in your car, through your phone, on your way to…say, vote for a woman President? They would’ve said you’re crazy! Oh, what, then you got in your time machine and hoverboarded over to the drive-in? Delusional is how they’d classify you.

I totally went down a rabbit hole there, sorry. This is about clever song lyrics! I didn’t catch this line till the other day…

If you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages.
–REO Speedwagon, “Roll With the Changes”

I love the sentiment of taking action. The line is simple and yet, so clever. Here are a few other favorites of mine.

You’re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul. So don’t come back for me. Who do you think you are?
–Christina Perri, “Jar of Hearts”

All of these people I meet, it seems like they’re fine. Yeah, in some ways I hope that they’re not and their hearts are like mine.
–NeedtoBreathe, “Wasteland”

The bride walks down just to start the wedding, and there’s one more girl you won’t be getting.
–Young MC, “Bust A Move”

Ain’t it funny how some people pop into your head so easily. I haven’t seen you in there for so long.
–Dawes, “All Your Favorite Bands”

Or tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please. Myself already knows I’m not okay. Or you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind, it might be walking out on me today.
–Billy Ray Cyrus, “Achy Breaky Heart”

If you have some favorite clever lyrics, feel free to share them in the comments!

-Out of the Wilderness

Sunday morning playlist

I’m pretty much obsessed with Spotify these days. For a long time I was a “free” member. That’s where you can download songs and play them, but it was always on shuffle, you can’t back up to previous songs, or skip 4 or 5 songs ahead. You also can’t select a song to listen to it. So a few months ago I became a supscriber and I haven’t
regretted it for a second! Since then I’ve put together a playlist I listen to when I need to reflect, to worship, to be calm. If you’re interested in songs that help remind us of how big God is, yet how
personal He is, and how much He loves us, take a listen to my most recent worship playlist.

King of My Heart – Kutless

Sun & Moon – Phil Wickham

In Awe – Hollyn

Holy (Wedding Day) – The City Harmonic

Come Thou Fount – MercyMe

How Great Thou Art – Carrie Underwood with Vince Gill

There Is A Fountain – Selah

Clear – Needtobreathe

This Blood – The Prestonwood Choir

Canary Cage – The Whistles & The Bells

-Out of the Wilderness

Using Spotify with Shazam

The highlight of my day so far is that Shazam and Spotify actually can be linked up together! I posted a blog the other day (Who is Noah Cyrus?) and posed the question why Spotify hasn’t bought out Shazam yet. Well, there’s a button in Shazam that lets you log in to Spotify. A bit of an extra step but hey, saved me a bunch of time this morning looking up each song in Spotify that I’d saved in Shazam. That’s a win for today right? As a bonus, here’s the music video for one of my recent Shazam saves:

-Out of the Wilderness

Who is Noah Cyrus?

Shazaaaaam!!! Not to be confused with Kazaam starring Shaq O’Neil, I use the Shazam app on my phone when I hear a song and either don’t know the name, or can’t remember. By the way, when is Spotify going to buy Shazam? Wouldn’t that be nice? The new app would identify the song and then ask if you want to add it to your library. Talk about luxury! This is American, right? Make it happen Daniel Ek!

I’m laughing at a joke that I don’t get.

So this song comes on, kinda sounded like Miley Cyrus, and I kinda liked it. I opened up Shazam and was like, “Please don’t be Miley, please don’t be Miley…” because for some reason I don’t want to like her songs. Then I’m notified in a few seconds that it’s Noah Cyrus singing “Stay Together.” I thought to myself, “Does this dude know he sounds like a girl? Must be Miley’s younger brother or something.”

Oh dang, Noah Cyrus is a girl! Turns out she’s the little sister of Hannah Montana and Achy Breaky Heart’s daughter. I suppose Noah can be a girls name.

noah

image via Perez Hilton

Anyway, she and I are both Capricorns so I’m predicting that will be the only thing I like about her. This song has lyrics about drinking, smoking, partying, etc., I can’t relate there. A pastor here in Nashville says when he went in church as a youngster, Southern Baptists would get together not to brag about what they did that week, but about what they didn’t do. #SouthernBaptistlife I do like her dad, though. Say what you want about Billy Ray (or is he just “Cyrus” now?), but I believe he’s got a kind heart based on some interactions I had with him back when I was working at CMT.

I guess Noah’s the next Cyrus up. Her video for “Stay Together” has been on YouTube for a month and already has over 25 million views. Where are all these people and why aren’t they watching my videos?? I’d be fine if even half that number viewed this video of mine.

Noah’s also using the hashtag #nc17 which is clever (because it’s her initials and her age), and also concerning because of what NC-17 means in MPAA movie ratings. Plus in the video she writes 7 the annoying way. You know what I’m talking about.

So the takeaway from this is…

  1. Noah Cyrus is a girl
  2. Billy Ray might or might not just be “Cyrus” now
  3. I spent more than 1 hour on a Thursday afternoon writing about Miley’s sister, and I kinda feel shameful -Out of the Wilderness