I think I’ve embarrassed myself in almost every sport

Yesterday I was thinking about the MOST EMBARRASSING sports fail in my entire 39-year life. It was so bad… the kind of thing you’d see in a movie or in a YouTube video, like this.


Thankfully no one was recording me, so I’ll just have to tell you how it went down…

I was playing soccer, a sport I love to play. But I was playing a position I wasn’t cut out for: goalie. Yikes! So that already made me uncomfortable, plus I only knew one person on the team so I felt like I had a lot to live up to with all the teammates who probably expected me to help them win. Help them win, meaning stop the ball when someone kicks it towards the goal. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, just hold your horses right there!

One time someone kicked the ball from about mid-field. Not a hard kick, but it had some leg behind it. I was all alone since both teams were still mostly on the other end of the field. As the ball rolled towards me, I had zero pressure to do anything athletic. And “not do anything athletic” is exactly what I did! I remember thinking, “Oh man, I’m going to knock this ball so far.” I was so proud of myself for what I was about to do, the team would love me for it. They would carry me off the field on their shoulders. High fives all around. Tell their grandchildren about what their goalie did that day.

Well, they probably WILL still their family what happened… I moved towards the ball and engaged my kick approach. Head down. A few steps, then boom with the left foot…

In my defense, the field was really rough, so the ball was bouncy. So bouncy that when I made a swift kick, I came into contact with nothing. Nothing at all. Air. The stupid bouncing ball had bounced OVER my stupid foot! Embarrassing, right? Well, not as embarrassing as the ball bouncing over my foot AND rolling into the goal. Yep. That’s exactly what happened on the worst day of my sporting career.

I can’t ever show my face at the Donelson YMCA soccer fields again.

via Giphy.com

Other bad days include a critical “go on two” false start in flag football, an “I got up too quick from a slide” in softball where I got up too quick and fell backwards, another softball blooper where I slid head first into first base and was called out because I never actually reached the base, and my entire middle school basketball career was minutes long because my coach only played me a few minutes each game– entirely embarrassing! I still have room for other sports like volleyball, baseball (although I might have a story to share about that later), tennis, and maybe running.

Please don’t judge me. But I will accept any empathy from you, dear reader.

-Out of the Wilderness

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Weekend trip to Memphis

This past weekend I went to Memphis, Tennessee because one of my nieces had a soccer thing there. Her team is based in Tallahassee, FL so I don’t get to see them play terribly often. This was a great opportunity since the trip is only about 3.5 hours from Nashville.

Well, the downside is that it rained the entire trip. And I don’t mean spotty showers. I left Nashville in the rain, drove the entire trip there in the rain, all the soccer events were under rain, and then drove the entire way back in the rain. There wasn’t even a 5 second span where it wasn’t raining. Crazy. I *think* I even saw a guy building a wooden boat and I can’t be totally sure but there may have been animals walking towards him two by two.

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My sis and I on the team bus

Now with that said, it was still such a fun weekend. My niece played in two soccer games Saturday afternoon, and I love watching her play. I also chatted and laughed a lot with my second oldest sister. I count soccer and laughing as two of the best things I get to do as an uncle! Plus, I’ll be totally honest, I’m competitive. I really enjoy watching all kinds of competitions. So those were the top highlights of the weekend.

Another memorable highlight was being able to reconnect with a dog we met in Memphis last summer. You can see him in this video I made from July 2017:


The short story is that he was homeless, alone, hungry, and in need of some love. My nieces were champions for him, so we weren’t leaving there without making sure his circumstances improved, even if it was to give him a little more hope than he had right then. He ended up at a dog rescue organization and that might be the best thing that had ever happened to him up to that point in his life. Since then, he’s been brought back to great health, and was adopted by a married couple that works at that rescue.

So this weekend we had a small window of time to break away from the soccer stuff going on. We arranged to go see Cole man and here’s a short video showing him now, just 7 months later.


I’ll obviously count this weekend trip to Memphis as a highlight of 2018, with my fingers crossed for more great highlights to come!

-Out of the Wilderness

Creating time-lapse videos

img_20170926_133846307_hdr.jpgLately I’ve been on a time-lapse kick with my GoPro. Not sure why I’m obsessed with them right now but I am. I’ve recorded a lot of clouds, shadows, and a few other things. The settings I observed that work best are as follows:

Device: GoPro Hero3

Clouds: 1 pic every 5 seconds

Shadows: 1 pic every 10 seconds

Rivers/water: 1 pic every 5 seconds

People: 1 pic every 2 seconds

img_20170926_124717998_hdr.jpgYou will need at least a total of 210 frames to make a 7 second video (30 frames = 1 second), so make sure to do the math on how long you’ll need to record to get 210 frames, more or less depending on what you want. If you’re shooting 1 pic every 5 seconds, that’s 12 frames per minute which means for a 7-second time-lapse video, you’ll need to record for 17.5 minutes (210 frames divided by 12 frames a minute = 17.5 minutes).

If you’re recording a frame every 10 seconds, it’ll take longer to get a 7-second video. The math works out to be 35 minutes of record time.

Here’s a few of the time-lapse shots I’ve recorded recently.

-Out of the Wilderness

Sports, and Why Guys Like Them

Football. Baseball. Hockey. Basketball. Tennis. Soccer. Nascar. What do these sports have in common? There must be a winner. Of all the rules in all of sports (and let’s face it, in some sports there are way too many rules (yes I’m talking to you NFL)), requiring a winner is the single most attractive thing about sports. If you then connect this all-important rule to the male mind, it’s very easy to see why guys like sports. Because in a guy’s mind, there is order. There is a #1. There is a #2. There is a #3 and so on.Open up the passion for sports in a more broad fashion, and you’ll discover it’s more about competing than it is about the actual sport, though. My favorites to play are football and basketball. My favorite to watch is football. But my ultra favorite thing to do? Win. It can be pick-up basketball at the Y, it can be a 5K race or a race up the stairs. It can also be something as absurd as the Nashville Fantasy Bachelor League. Guys want to be #1. And when we can’t be, we cheer for a team we think can.

Lance Armstrong, Tour De France winner

A friend of mine is a self-proclaimed sports agnostic. He’s not against athletics, he’s not against athletes. But he is against those fanatics. If you’re interested, his thoughts on the subject are posted here. What I submit to him is the idea that sports should be viewed on a broader scale (like I mentioned, it’s more about competing).If my friend were to watch a football game the way he writes blogs, I think he may begin to understand. Yes, my friend is a writer. And before you say, “Well, no wonder the flower child doesn’t like sports! He’s one of those weirdo creative types,” you should know that he is an Alabama Crimson Tide fan as well (Now you have my permission to say it). His allegiance to Alabama is more for the sake of picking a side (Alabama or Auburn) than it is about actually liking the team, but hey, at least he’s aware that there are sides in that fight.When my friend writes, he spends time and energy making the delivery and presentation a top notch product. Why? It’s not so the reader will like it. It’s so the reader will like it more than anything else they read. When the Seattle Seahawks take the field against the New Orleans Saints they want to run the right plays and score points, but not just to play well. They want to win the game and be the best in the league. My friend writing to be the best and the Seahawks playing to be the best are the same thing.

Why guys likes sports can be summed up in four points.
Challenge. It’s exciting to push skills to the limit, and watch other people do the same.
Competition. An exciting way to measure talents, passions and skills.
Hitting. Guys like to hit things, or watch people hit things.
Hierarchy. There must be a #1. This idea is built into the male DNA. If you’re a guy, you are born with the desire to be king of the mountain, and have songs written about your halls.