Joe Biden Exercises With “Basement to 5k” Plan

Greenville, DE — Similar to the popular exercise program “Couch to 5K,” designed to help couch potatoes achieve in about 9 weeks the ability to run a 5K, Joe Biden is exercising with the “Basement to 5K” plan. The plan is simple, says a source close to the former Vice President:

Joe is in the golden years of his life so we just want to keep his body from total atrophy. This ‘Basement to 5K’ thing seems to be working but we have no idea what we’ll do, or how long Joe will last, if he actually wins the election.

Anonymous

This mention of ‘the golden years’ is referring to the time in a person’s life after retirement when they typically slow down and have fewer responsibilities, fitting for Biden who has meals and meds delivered to his bedside while other politicians campaign on his behalf. Biden’s team believes the basement of his sprawling Delaware home is the safest place for the Presidential nominee to avoid contact with anyone showing coronavirus symptoms, or anyone asking difficult questions like, “How is your run for Senate going?” or “Can you tell us more about Corn Pop?”

His physical trainers say what gives Joe a pep in his step is the reward of sniffing the hair of head trainer Richard Simmons if he can catch him.

The “Basement to 5K” plan is a win/win for Joe. In the present, it keeps his nearly 80-year old body from completely shutting down and in the future, he’ll be comfortable being outside for just a few minutes each day in any Federal prison to which he is sent.

-OTW News

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