In His First 100 Days, Joe Biden Calls for 100 Million Americans to Sign-Up for YouTube TV

Washington, D.C. — President-Elect Joe Biden is already taking action even before he has officially moved into the White House. In his first 100 days after he takes the oath of office, he is asking citizens to stop clicking the ‘no thanks’ when YouTube asks viewers to sign up for its paid streaming service.

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Coming off a year where subscription rates exploded for YouTube TV, Biden still hopes Americans will unify with a common goal of slowing down the spread of other streaming services. “If we do our part as patriots, the price will come down and we can return to the normalcy we knew in 2019, before the ‘YouTube TV’ service rate increased under the previous administration,” Biden said at a recent press conference.

Asked if he will make this a national mandate, Biden side-stepped by saying that he, along with 3 former Presidents will be signing up for YouTube TV on a live broadcast next week. He then claimed that if you don’t know whether you want to sign up or not, you ain’t black.

Aides quickly rushed the future President off stage and announced a lid on press conferences for the remainder of the week.

-OTW News

Woke Joe Biden Hires “Two Non-Binary People and a Truck” to Move into White House

Washington, D.C. — Joe Biden and his family have started moving into the White House this week as the outgoing President finishes up removing all personal effects. Staying on course with his message of unity and inclusion, Biden reached out to moving company Two Non-Binary People and a Truck™, a company that strictly hires people who seldom identify as male or female.

Biden commented while taping up a box of items, “Anything a man–or woman– can do, a woman– or man– can do, too. Look, I mean, if a person identifies as a man or a woman– here’s the deal, you are who you are and if you or him or her or they want to do the stuff– you know, just be yourself and I think– no, I know– I believe– you can do this or that. And the previous President was racist. It’s obvious.”

Two Non-Binary People and a Truck™ released a statement of gratitude to the President-Elect, saying in part, “We are very pleased to serve Mr. Biden and his (Mr. Biden identifies as a man) family in this way and we will do our best to deliver on our mission statement,” which is:

We promise to transfer all belongings safely, efficiently, and genderlessly.©

As for incoming Vice President Kamala Harris, who’s new residence is One Observatory Circle NW, she has put all her stuff in a short-term storage unit just a block from the White House.

-OTW News

Grown Son of President-Elect Seeks Adoption by Italian Restaurant

Orlando, FL — The grown son Joe Biden never talks about is seeking an unprecedented action due to his never being talked about by is father. “This is a case the likes of which we’ve never seen before,” said Orlando judge, Gregory Tullman Hess. He’s, of course, referring to the case of The Son Joe Never Talks About v. The Dad Who Never Talks About Him. The filing was made public earlier this month in Orlando, Florida, which might appear odd but makes sense in the official statement. We managed to get a copy, which partially reads:

“…I’ve done my best to make my father, the Big Guy, proud, but it just seems like a lost cause. I set up deals with foreign businesses for him, I send cards on Father’s Day, I even went out of my way when his daughter-in-law was hurting and needed a shoulder to cry on. But he doesn’t treat me like family. Therefore, this letter is my formal appeal to be adopted by Olive Garden Italian Kitchen Restaurants, who has stated many times that ‘we’re all family here.'”

Photo by Lisa Fotios on

The Son Joe Never Talks About is seeking first to divorce his parents, then subsequently an adoption by the Olive Garden corporation. Sources close to the The Son Joe Never Talks About said he first became curious when OG’s slogan was, “When you’re here, you’re family.” He had tears rolling down his face, allegedly, and spoke of the kindness the restaurant owners and managers must have in their hearts.

We reached out to Joe, and have yet to receive a response. However, we did get an “out of office of the President-Elect” that stated Joe was preparing for his new seat in the Senate and in the case of an emergency, could be reached by dialing Joe30330.

The Son Joe Never Talks About is hoping that Olive Garden is still offering never-ending breadsticks, and never-ending hugs.

-Out of the Wilderness

Questions I have for Kamala Harris

Like many of you (in the U.S., at least), I’ve been thinking a lot about the recent election that’s actually still going on (as they continue counting votes, and challenging the results). Joe Biden has prematurely anointed himself as future President when the rest of everyone knows Kamala Harris is the Democrats’ “chosen one.” So with that in mind, I have a few questions for Mrs. Harris.

Why did you say yes when Joe Biden, a man you enthusiastically accused of being racist, asked you to be his running mate?

Exactly when did you know you would eventually become the President?

Has Tulsi Gabbard stopped running for the Democratic nomination yet?

If the United States is Dorothy, and freedom is our ruby slippers, does that make you the Wicked Witch of the West?

Can you please stop with the disingenuous smile and laugh?

Back when you were running for the Democratic nomination, you admitted that in your past you smoked marijuana (and laughed about it). What was your angle in that admission?

If folks coming into the U.S. illegally are not charged for breaking a law, then why should anyone obey any law? In fact, why should we have laws at all?

How does it make you feel that Biden said he was going to choose a woman (and a woman of color) as VP, possibly overlooking other people that might be more qualified for the position?

Will you please consider that abortion is not just the woman’s choice? When will the father have a say in what happens to his child?

-Out of the Wilderness

Thoughts about Harris/Biden victory speeches

I’ll start this post off by saying it is my intention to always refer to the Democrat executive duo as Harris/Biden (listing Harris first) because most of America can see the writing on the wall: If elected, it’s only a matter of time until Kamala Harris becomes President. And I’m not saying it’ll be in 4 years when election season rolls around again. Joe Biden’s even said he will just be a transitional President (whatever that means) and won’t serve more than a single term. Not talking about that at all. I think Harris will be on tap to take over by summer 2021, whether Joe Biden knows that or not.

Last week, the potential President-Elect Harris and her friend Joe Biden interrupted college football to officially start the Democrats’ celebration with a speech lasting 10 minutes, 45 seconds. She basically said everything her party and supporters wanted to hear. Then Biden… not sure what to call him because he won’t be VP when Harris takes over… future former President? Anyway, he spoke yelled for 14 minutes, 59 seconds and basically said the same thing Harris did. A few awkward and crooked smiles later, and as always a verbal fumble or five, he was done and the entire group on stage were startled by fireworks.

The speeches didn’t go unnoticed by those who oppose the pair of candidates. In fact, the election isn’t even over yet but the mainstream media thought it was time to declare a winner so speeches is what we were shown on television. Once the speeches ended, people all over the country gathered together in what the left would call superspreader events (if it were anything related to Trump, that is). For now, though, they are just being referred to as celebrations.

Does anyone know if Tulsi Gabbard has dropped out of the race yet?

Biden’s verbal miscues were as follows, and please note I am not making fun at all of his stuttering. In my opinion these do not come from a stutter, but from his mental and physical decline.

To only have a few mistakes is a victory in itself for Biden, who said: Prejudent, creamier of demonization, 230 million thousand.

Not bad for the gaffe-prone future former President. He also referenced the Bible and Christian ideals multiple times. It baffles me that when other candidates, celebrities, or you and me talk about God or the Bible it’s close-minded and unacceptable… but when a Democrat does it everything is fine. Weird, huh?

-Out of the Wilderness