The Relevance of Cuss Words

A few nights ago I comically confessed to my parents, and other family together for the holidays, that my brother and I used to have cussing sprees on the golf course behind our house in Aquia Harbor. Oh, and he wasn’t present when I spilled the secret but I assumed he wouldn’t mind. Sorry if this throws a wrench in your style, bro! It’s not that there wasn’t anything else to do in Stafford, Virginia. I guess we were going through some sort of rebellious phase even at the young age of early high school (my brother) and middle school (me). I can’t remember what compelled us to start using profanity, but we’d leave the house, walk up the hill and through the small amount of woods separating us from the 4th hole tee, and let the foul words rip.

swear-words2So now I’m a taddle tail. Sue me. It’s not as if my parents could ground me. “I’m a grown man!” I don’t think they’d ground my brother either. The most trouble he can get in is explaining this to his church! Yes, he’s a pastor. But if anyone in his congregation is reading this, cut him some slack! He was a young whipper-snapper just trying to navigate high school life while trying to be as cool as his younger, middle school brother. Or so I assume. At some point we grew tired of our trips outside so we stopped. At this point in the story one of my sister interjects, “Was the only reason you stopped because we moved?” How dare she! But maybe. Either way, we turned from our evil ways and became wholesome again. It might have had something to do with the time I said the ‘s’ word in front of my dad. He was reading the newspaper while my brother and I were talking nearby. Somehow the curse word slipped out and I immediately jerked my head towards my dad, assuming he was going to ground me for life. He didn’t flinch at all. Are parents really able to tune children out that well? Amazing. And I was thankful for it that day.

I’m all grown up and can now say cuss words are more relevant to me, only because I know when they are appropriate to use. On the golf course as a middle schooler was completely out of context (because I wasn’t actually playing golf, anyway).  But am I the only one that thinks in the right scenario, certain words just work better? And by “right scenario” I mean “in traffic with bad drivers,” and more specifically, drivers in the south.

-Out of the Wilderness

The Smell of Popcorn in the Air

I bet you thought I was at a movie theater, didn’t you? You’d be incorrect! I’m at the Nissan dealership waiting for my car to be almost like new. And by almost I mean never again to be anywhere close to like new. But hey, I should have a couple of new tires, an alignment, balance, all the stuff that goes along with getting 2 new tires. They also found a nail in one of the tires I am keeping. Hoping that won’t be an issue on any upcoming trips. popcornAs I sit here in their wifi zone, the smell of popcorn wafting in front of me, a young child crying/laughing/talking (depending on which minute it is), my thoughts have run all over the place. From my job, to my dating life, to Christmas, the dogs, family, and what all those things blended together means for 2014. My prayer for the year is simple: for God to keep my family safe whether they’re at school, home, church, or anywhere in between. Keep my dogs safe and healthy. Help me to live with love for God and others in my heart, mind, and soul. I want to live with a sense of adventure this year! I want to go hiking a lot. I want to go to the beach. I want to love my job. I want to find true love like a cheesy Hallmark movie. I want to wake up excited about the possibilities of the day. I want to keep in touch with my family, my friends, and watch good movies. I want to watch Florida State win the National Championship. But mostly, I want to hear, “Sir, your car’s ready.”

-Out of the Wilderness

C.A.L.E.N.D.A.R.

I’m lame and print out paper calendars for my schedule at work. Not down to the hour, but just for reminders of what’s happening each day. I have a fun job so my calendar is full of awesome things. But can you imagine if it wasn’t? I bet thatguy thinks of a calendar like this:

C… Can you see how excited I am about all the boring meetings I have scheduled this month?
A… A tree somewhere is thinking, “That’s what I died for? A boring work calendar???”
L… Leave it till tomorrow. It’s onlyyyyy a daaaay awaaaaay. #Annie
E… Enough room to write all the to-do’s for each day? Nope.
N… “Neat cat calendar,” said no one ever.
D… Did Hank do it this way? I’m not sure.
A… All my friends are not printing out their calendars, and they aren’t jumping off a bridge either.
R… Remember, don’t forget to fill out the reminders on your calendar.

-Out of the Wilderness
free_blank_calendar

Alligators, Bieber, and an Apple IIc

AlligatorWhen I was young, our family lived in a house that backed up to a lake. There were a few reasons to live in fear. The most popular among my siblings was because we lived in Florida. Which meant alligators in any body of freshwater bigger than a roadside puddle. Actually, in the last few years, we’ve seen them in the ocean, too, but that’s another story. Back then, I couldn’t think of anything more scary than alligators. Of course, that was way before Justin Dweeber, reality TV, and Obama which are all more bieberscary that alligators if you ask me! So the most immediate threat was not on the radio, TV, or in Washington, it was in our very own back yard. I remember at night there were 2 red lights that reflected off the sliding glass window. One was probably from the power button on the Apple IIc or something. But I always imagined they were the eyes of  an evil alligator waiting to bust through the door and bite us. Every day we played in the grass and swam in the lake and I wondered where the alligators were. My dad would even swim across the lake a few times per week.

I’ve lived in Tennessee for a few years now and one of my favorite things is there are no alligators! You can swim in the area lakes with total freedom from being dragged under by a prehistoric dinasour-looking death machine. If you’ve never grown up with a daily fear of being preyed upon, you can’t truly appreciate this feeling of freedom I feel every day. But night time is another story. Alligators show up in Tennessee when I close my eyes to go to sleep.

They’re the kind of dreams that make you very thankful when you wake up that it was not real. One recent dream took place at my family’s beach cottage in Florida. There was a small alligator (oddly, it was about the size of a snake) near the shore. I started running because it was chasing me! Before I could get away, it latched onto my hand. To remove it, I held my hand above a fire that was nearby (how convenient!) and it burned up so all I could see was the skeleton. When I returned outside to show my dad, the alligator somehow got to me again! You know things are not going your way when a dead alligator bites you. Not good. Then later when it wasn’t paying attention I smashed it’s head with a MagLite flashlight. That’s what I’m talking about! However, if it was real life, I would’ve ran away like a scaredy cat, zig-zagging of course.

Any interpreters out there?

-Out of the Wilderness

apple-iic

Baby, You’re the One

If I can be transparent with you for a moment, being single in my mid-thirties is sometimes difficult. Granted, it’s been mostly my choice all along the way but the resolve to ‘not settle’ brings questions. Mostly the “there must be something wrong with you” kind. It can come from friends, parents, and especially the voices inside your own head! That’s why I’m thankful for 1. the Bible. For an example,  one of the most Godly guys to ever live, Paul, says that he hopes we can all be single like him. And 2. music. I recently remembered a song I loved in the mid-90s that is encouraging to me today, almost 20 years later. I may be single the rest of my life, and I’d count that as a blessing, but it would also be a blessing to find a best friend to share the last few years of my life (sarcasm… I hope I’m not even close to halfway!)… here’s the song: