Study shows fish discouraged by evolutionary process

Pensacola, FL — Ichthyologists doing research on the behavior of fish in the gulf region, just off the coast of northern Florida, have been perplexed for months by the apparent mood changes of many vertebrates in the area.

“We’ve seen fish change behavior based on environmental factors, predator stressers, and the like, but we haven’t seen anything quite like this before,” says scientist Joseph Blaylock. “Entire schools of fish swimming slowly, with no apparent direction, some were even documented as having ‘sad faces,’ so we’re conducting more research to find out what might be causing this.”

A few factors that might make a fish to look “sad,” or frown, are big sharks in the area, getting hooked by a fishing line, losing Nemo, or watching your best friend turn from a mermaid to a human and leave forever.

Marine biologists have been brought in to study the sounds heard amongst some of the fish in the gulf. Primarily studying the fish who appear downcast, communication between them has an eary similarity to a minor key in music.

Progress took a leap forward yesterday when a stack of paper was found floating near a school of mopey mullet. It was nearly tossed aside until some of the writing caught the eye of a few biologists on the research boat. The spelling was very, very poor, but was in English, much to the delight of all on board. The note was written by Yerlstey the Mullet, Jr., and can be summarized by extreme disappointment that they have yet to turn into humans. Pages two and three mentioned all the fun they see humans doing, from jet-skiing to parasailing, kayaking, boating, using arms and legs, talking, laughing, hugging, snorkeling, breathing air, all things fish in the area cannot do.

The last page, page four, ends with an honest question: “Can’t we at least get to lizard status? Having little legs and feet would be a real game-changer for us.”

Although the sentiment of the underwater dwellers tugged on the hearts of those who heard the plea, there’s ultimately nothing these scientists can do. In a handwritten note addressed to Yerlstey the Mullet, Jr. and friends, a response:

“We’re sorry you are still fish. The process of evolution takes millions of years, so although those reading or hearing this note won’t be turning into humans during your lifetime, but on the bright side, a lot of humans are becoming vegan. This means they won’t eat you or your family.”

Scientists weren’t exactly sure this was the right angle to take with the fish, but blamed their years of schooling and lack of social interaction on however their note might have sounded.

-Out of the Wilderness News

 

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My very own epic fails, part 2

Sometimes I can really crack myself up. Especially when it comes to making dumb mistakes, like these:

Walking on, walking on broken glass.

I was working at a summer camp as a videographer. A task I had one day was bringing an expensive projector (in a large protective case) to another location, and using a pick-up truck to do so. No problem. Should be easy enough. We put the projector in the bed of the truck, shifted into gear, and began moving forward. THUMP! Well, it’s smart to actually close the tailgate, especially when you’re going up hill. The projector slid out the back of the truck, landing on the pavement. Even though I thought the case was good enough to protect it’s contents, I was wrong. The fragile lens of the projector shattered on impact.

Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion.

There was a boat. There was an ocean. And the problem was when a Sony video camera I had fell off one and landed in the other. Who knew setting the camera on the back of the boat was a bad idea? Not me!

’cause your lips are movin’.

I had wrapped up a beautiful day of recording a wedding, a reception, and the special moments that lead up to the once-in-a-lifetime event. The couple were friends of mine so I was happy and honored to be hired as the videographer. For obvious reasons, this day was special, but even more so because some family members had flown in from overseas to witness the wedding ceremony. They hadn’t seen the groom in years and may not see him again after the wedding for very long time. Part of my wedding routine was to hook up a microphone to my camera and have guests offer up messages to the bride and groom; little tidbits, thoughts, nuggets of wisdom the couple would watch later and appreciate from their loved ones and friends. Now, because there were these special guests from another country, I knew recording their messages was a must. At the end of the day, I was very happy with my work. But then… my world came crashing down!

You know how some pieces of equipment have a start/stop button? The microphone I used had one of these, and I even had headphones I was using. But for whatever reason I didn’t use the headphones for the interviews with the overseas family, and of course when I went to listen to their messages that night… NO AUDIO!! I forgot to switch the microphone on before they started talking.

I can be a real piece of work sometimes!

-Out of the Wilderness

 

Wild manta rays off Florida coast

The “Salt Life” stickers I often see are a good reminder of how much I love the ocean. We all need a little salt water therapy now and again, right? I recently spent time on the coast and I’m always amazed by what I see there. This particualar trip, it was this:
I can’t think of anything better than paddleboarding in the bay and seeing wild manta rays cruising by. I’ve been going to this beach since I was zero days old and now, 35 years later, I still get to experience a first. Awesome. I hope when I die and go to Heaven my room has an ocean view… or better yet, it’s at St. Teresa Beach, Florida.

Wacky Wednesday: Just the Two of Us

They’re called Remoras. You know those fish that attach themselves to sharks? But I’m wondering which little fishy was the first one to think, “Hey, let’s try this!” Because I know for me, when I see a shark my first thought isn’t that I want to swim with it.
remora3

remora
Anyway, happy Wedneday to ya!

-Out of the Wilderness

Call Me Maybe: Wilder Family Version

This is the 3rd year I’ve convinced my family to dance on video for the world to see. I told them only about 10 people will watch it, so that seemed to work. Check us out dancing to the ultra smash hit “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen! Enjoy and feel free to comment below!