10 more signs a Christian guy is into you

via-quickmeme.com_A while back I published my first lighthearted and completely unreliable post for how to tell a Christian guy is into you (click here for that list). Well, it’s time for another. Just as lighthearted. Just as unreliable. Enjoy!

10. You comment that his man-bun reminds you of Samson from the Bible. He responds by flexing for you.

9. He invites you on a coffee date… to the coffeeshop in the east quadrant of your mega church.

8. He uses this lame-o line: I’d be pretty bad at mission work, ’cause you’re the only “miss” I’d have my “i on”.

7. He says he’d totally “leave and cleave” for you.

6. He doesn’t want you to be a MISSionary. He wants you to be a MRSionary.

5. He brings two sets of ear plugs when the two of you attend the contemporary worship service.

4. He loves that you’re learning Greek but he still wants to French with you.

3. He wants to stomp grapes with you just so he can wash your feet.

2. He tells you he has a sensitive side, which includes being seeker-sensitive.

1. He says you put the ‘angel‘ in evangelical.

Bonus! If you’re itching for a beach vacation, here are 10 signs you’re ready for one.

 

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Has anyone ever told you…

There are many ways to finish the title of this post. Has anyone ever told you…

…you look great tonight?

…you look like Keira Knightley?

…you’re smart?

Those are just a few, and they’re all compliments. Of course, there are also less positive ways to finish the question…

you smell?

you have a “kick me” sign on your back?

you need a haircut?

Well, I’ll let you guess which of those happened to me this very weekend! Here’s how it went down. I attended a local church yesterday morning. Whilst chatting with a couple of friends, forming a triad not easily penetrated, a churchgoer clutched my shoulder. This person was outside the triad of trust so she was clearly determined to deliver her message. I turned to her and, along with my two friends, heard these words from her mouth:

Has anyone every told you you need a haircut?

Who does that? This woman was older, maybe in her 70s so my explanation for her actions was that she was just being a grandma. It’s something grandparents say to their grandkids, right? The thing is, I’ve no recollection of ever seeing this woman in my entire life, much less being her grandchild! I thought it was funny. The rest of the triad was taken aback by it and had a few ideas of how I could’ve responded. I’m never good in the moment so I think I remember just laughing and admitting it’s a little out of control.

We probably could’ve had a longer conversation about it, but she had to prepare for her role as choir member.

Awesome!
-Out of the Wilderness

The day I almost fainted

Deep breaths.

Adjust your legs.

Sweaty forehead.

Tingling.

You might think I’m describing how it feels to be meet Kate Beckinsale, which might be true, because I was feeling faint yesterday. It wasn’t because of the famous actress, though. I was running a camera at church with a tight shot of the pastor while he preached. It’s something I’ve done dozens and dozens of times before. But this time I felt different about halfway through the sermon. I pulled the sleeves of my fleece to keep me cool. That helped some but whatever was happening kept getting stronger. A quick prayer.

Lord, please don’t let me fall. Please don’t let me fall.

I don’t like a lot of attention so can you imagine how frightening it would be to fall down in quiet room?

My body was starting to malfunction. Blurry vision. Sweat on my forehead, and my arms. It was not looking good. But thank God the pastor tossed to a video which meant I could be “off” for a second while it played on the screens.

The dizziness was in full affect as I cautiously bent down to find a seat on the edge of the platform. Phew! I made it. As I sat there the dizziness went away. I swiped my forehead to clear the dripping sweat. I removed my jacket to cool down. It was bad! I seriously think if I were standing for 5 more seconds I would have blacked out. I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t sick. I felt fine the day before and that morning, despite staying up too late.

After the video played I stood up again to control the camera. Those final minutes of the sermon went by without a hitch. I did notice the pastor had a shine on his forehead as well, so maybe the room was simply too warm? He and I were the only people standing for the entire sermon, so I wonder if he was feeling the same thing I was feeling?

Either way, I’m so glad I made it through without drawing an embarrassing amount of attention to myself by falling off the small camera platform.

Happy dizzy-free Monday!
-Out of the Wilderness

Breaking wind

I might be the only one who does this, and it’s why I sometimes think I have an odd personality. Don’t get me wrong, I love my personality, but is anyone else concerned about walking through someone else’s breeze? bad smell

Let’s say you’re at the gym. You walk towards the water fountain and someone passes you going the other direction. Do you hold your breath? What are you thinking in that moment you feel their wind breeze past you? Most of the time it grosses me out. But not just at the gym. It can be walking down a sidewalk. Crossing paths with someone at church. Moving through crowds at Disney World.

There’s a moment when you know you’re about to feel a gust of wind and you have to decide, do I stop breathing for a second, breathe through my nose, or breathe through my mouth? So many decisions need to be made in a short amount of time. It can be overwhelming. As can the scent. Sometimes it smells like an unwashed towel. Other times, if you’re lucky, it’s perfume or cologne. Then you’re like…
dancingPlease tell me it’s not just me!

-Out of the Wilderness

I tuck my shirt in on Sundays

I visited a nearby church recently and loved the chapel where we met for worship. It was small, beautiful with an exposed wood beam ceiling, stained-glass windows, almost a relic of the past. It reminded me of the baptist church in Monticello, Florida where my grandparents went. A handful of every age group in the congregation. Traditional hymns but with an acoustic guitar instead of an organ. I enjoyed it! There was a picture of an eagle (a little random, but who doesn’t love eagles, right?) in the pre-service Powerpoint loop, and I overheard a lady behind me say something that is now the quote of the week:

“I’m glad that’s our bird and not a turkey.”
IMG_20150809_103110072IMG_20150809_103126151IMG_20150809_103103854_HDRIMG_20150809_103017091_HDR
-Out of the Wilderness

Flood, Pain and Prayer

It was the summer of 2010 and Nashville just experienced a 500-year flood that devastated houses and families.

There were many opportunities to get involved with the clean-up effort; through churches, charity efforts, and even places of employment encouraging employees to help by lending a hand in the hardest hit areas. The building where I work lost power for the entire week after the flood so once I caught up on my own long overdue yard work, I volunteered in neighborhoods needing assistance. At one house, I helped pull up soaking wet carpet. At another I helped with a washer/dryer extraction. One task was simply sweeping water out of a kitchen into the backyard. Joining in with some other folks, I helped take torn up drywall out to a trash pile near the street. At this house, we had two wheelbarrows, one with a flat tire. Some may say it’s because I’m awesome, others may say it’s because I’m double awesome, but I used the one with the flat tire, without gloves and pushed it up hill in the snow. That makes me a triple threat guy. Ok, I had gloves. And there was no hill. Or snow.

The wheelbarrow rolled well enough until the flat tire hit a hole in the ground and immediately came to a halt. The problem was that I kept walking. My shin was pierced by a screw from the wheelbarrow. Yes it hurt. Yes it bled. A friend nearby had a first aid kit and was more than willing to attend to my new wound. Here’s how it went down before she applied ointment:

Me: Is this going to hurt?
Her: Yes.
[pause]
[pause]
Me: Ok, go.
[cuss word]

In the few seconds between anticipation of pain and actual pain, I was able to prepare for what would happen next. And if it pleases the court, I’d like to make clear there was no cuss word, that was a joke.

That experience has finally served as a good example of how to handle the storm I’m currently in the middle of. This little storm started and I didn’t have time to prepare, just like my leg and the wheelbarrow. But as the rain falls and the thunder rolls, I’ve made time to seek shelter. If nothing else good comes from this storm, I can at least treasure the shelter and perhaps remember that the Lord loves me enough to carry my burden when all I can imagine happening is me crumbling. There will be resolution to this storm, the suffering will pass. It says so in the Bible: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” Either this statement is true, or none of the Bible is true. So I’m going to, again, take my chances that once the storm passes, it will still just be a storm. But me? I’ll be restored (which is enough) but then I’ll also be stronger, more firm, and more steadfast than ever before. That’s where I win and the storm loses. So when the next one comes, guess what my prayer will be?

Me: Is this going to hurt?
Lord: Yes.
[pause]
[pause]
Me: Ok, go.
[cuss word]
[just kidding]

Where Are All the Men

Last week I saw a rerun of Friends. At one point, Chandler was asked to do some handy work, and he said to wait while he goes to get his wife’s tools. I was struck immediately with the thought, “Is this the American man now?” That episode probably aired ten years ago, of course, so I understand it’s a bit outdated. But I wonder if there are more Chandler Bing’s out there now. Men who are not tough.

I remember when men on tv were ones I could look up to, men with character that were chivalrous and strong: MacGyver, Cliff Huxtable, Uncle Jessie, possibly Danny Tanner (although he wasn’t very tough except in the episode where he dressed like a rockstar to play at D.J.’s fundraiser), Mr. T, the father on Boy Meets World, Tom Selleck, James Garner and Tony Danza (Who’s the Boss?).

But over the course of a couple of decades they’ve turned into Charlie Sheen (Two and A Half Men), the guys on Big Bang Theory, Barney Stinson, the Situation, and professional athletes that get in trouble for domestic violence. It seems like men in the spotlight now are either over the top, or way under the top. Womanizers, or pansies. We’re persuaded to tolerate those kinds of guys and that tolerance creates more of those kinds of guys. We mock the jerks on The Bachelor, and yet we tune in every week to watch. I guess I’m just tired of seeing the pansification of men in America. I’m tired of contributing to it.

Bring back the men that open doors for women, that don’t call or text after 10pm. Men that can budget money. Guys that play football on the weekends and go to church, too. Men that are less concerned if their fingernails are clipped and more concerned about securing leaks in the house. Men that rough house with their kids, nieces or nephews but will not tolerate outsiders who do the same. Men that care less about matching their shoes with their belt, and more about making a woman feel pretty and wanted. Men that get down on one knee to ask their girlfriend to marry them not inspite of it being old-fashioned but because it’s old-fashioned. Men that would give their life to protect the ones they love. They drive trucks. They have a dog. They may even cuss a little when they get fired up. They eat horse radish because it puts hair on their chest. It’s ok to have calloused hands. It’s ok to believe in something and disagree with someone who believes differently. Tolerance is for the birds. Buck up and be a man. Respect women. Cook burgers and steak. Grill chicken and eat all of it that night. Eat broccoli because it’s healthy, but it’s ok if you don’t enjoy it. Eat a salad and take care of your body. Excercise and get strong. Compete. Compete fairly. Own tools and use them. Be old-fashioned. Don’t be a Chandler. Be a Fred Wilder. He plays the drums. He travels weekly. He’s been married for over forty years to one lady, my mom. He still enjoys washing his car and hers on the weekend. He was in the Coast Guard for twenty-seven years and served in Desert Storm. So he’s tough, but he also likes Hallmark Channel movies. He’s got a truck and a beagle. He has four grown kids that he makes an effort to see or talk to regularly.

He’s an example of what men should be. Well, he and MacGyver.