My neighbor wants me to kill a deer

I just looked up when deer season begins because I wanted this post to be timely. You know what’s going to happen now, right? Any advertisements that pop up on my Facebook page or other websites I visit are going to be about hunting, camouflage, or deer jerky! Oh, great. Maybe I’ll do a quick search for vegan mayonnaise, that’ll fix it!

Anyway, I have a neighbor a few houses down that loves to hunt. He’s schooled me on when to go, where to go, what to wear, and he’s very kind to offer me a spot next to him in the deer stand when he goes hunting. Once he even showed me what a successful trip looks like. In his backyard, a tarp was hanging from tree limbs, constructed to block the view of a deceased deer hanging by his hind legs because… I guess that’s what you do after you’ve killed a deer?

So the first time he asked me to go hunting with him, I struggled to come up with a way to say no (because I have a hard time saying no to almost everything). But in the subsequent times he’s asked, and it’s an ongoing thing, I’ve found it’s easier to decline by saying something like, “I don’t eat meat,” or “There’s no way I could kill a deer,” which are both true.

His response, “Don’t eat for three days.”

He explained that if I skip eating for the three days leading up to this hunting trip, I’d be more willing to kill because I’d be so hungry. Maybe that’s true. I can imagine that anyone who thinks they’re about to starve to death would be willing to do things they wouldn’t normally do. The plot of Alive* is now floating through my mind. Uhhh, gross!

But here’s a glimpse into my personality…

We were on a family road trip and I was sitting in the back of the van. I must’ve been 11 or 12. All of the sudden a bird slammed into the windshield and I started bawling.

A few years ago, a friend of mine lived with me as he searched for a home to buy. During this time, whenever my dogs dug up a mole, my friend was the Undertaker. I just couldn’t exterminate the moles myself.

A few weeks ago a small spider inside my car descended directly in front of me as I was driving. I was able to get him to land on the steering column where I slapped down, trying to squash him. He looked dead and I immediately felt terrible about it. I wondered why I thought he should die?

I reference those stories to show you how much of a weiner I can be when it comes to killing animals or even insects. I never want to, nor could I, kill something as beautiful and harmless as a deer. I feel bad when I kill things I don’t even like (spiders)! Well, snakes? I’m typically not as sad when one of those dies 🙂

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-Out of the Wilderness

*As an Amazon Affiliate, I receive a percentage of any completed transactions through the Amazon link on this page.

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10 Signs You’re More Redneck Than You Think

You tell everyone you watch Nascar to make fun of the fans, but you’re secretly upset that Jimmie Johnson’s pit stops were slower than the other drivers back in Daytona.

The first thing that comes to your mind when someone says “snack” is “deer jerky.”

When you get in your vehicle, you’re actually sitting taller than when you were standing outside your vehicle.

You lost the school spelling bee because you added an extra ‘e’ in deer.

You are responsible for 3 or more dogs.

You think of anyone north of Alabama as a yankee.

You say things like, “…took him behind the wood shed.”

You know the fashion fad in the mid-90s was named after Bo and Luke’s cousin, Daisy Duke.

You believe La Quinta is Spanish for, “behind Cracker Barrel.”

The city you live in is followed by:   , Kentucky.