I know you’re needy,
but that’s not bad.
You could be greedy,
or have issues with your dad.
I know you’re not a gold-digger.
You’re more of a mole-digger.
Because the yard is full of holes with no gold.
But also no moles.
And I don’t mind that you don’t shave,
or that all four of your armpits have hair.
Or that you have hair all over your face,
and legs, and feet, and everywhere.
It could be worse,
like if I brought home your sister and you said you hate her.
Then went on to say every taboo curse,
and confessed that you’re a Gator.
I love you but I’d give you away.
It’s not illegal,
but you see, my darling beagle,
There are just certain things we don’t say.
One is anything good about the Gators,
Or the SEC, but we can get into that later.
Now I don’t know if you know this yet,
but your ears are pretty big.
All the better for hearing my pet,
I mean, would you rather be a pig?
I wonder if you could speak,
what you’d tell me when you bark.
I hope it would be,
“I love you with all my beagle heart!”
And I would say, “I love you, too, Piper!”