This morning I woke up to a dog staring at me. Or maybe I woke up because a dog was staring at me, and happily whimpering. My first thought was, “What?” but not a “How can I help you?” what. It was a “Is this really happening?” what. I quickly concluded that I must’ve accidently left the crate door open when I went to bed. My dog’s been trained to sleep in a crate all night but there’s been no training on crate etiquette. Clearly that’s next on the list. Item 1: when the crate door is halfway open, you must pretend it’s closed and locked. Item 2: when it’s dark and nobody’s around, that must mean it’s night time and you should stay in the crate. Item 3: If it’s dark and the crate door is halfway open, swivel your head around to make sure Daddy’s not laying on the floor nearby. If he is, follow the steps in the “Is Daddy Taking A Well-Deserved Nap? (A Handbook for Puppies)” handbook. I’ll list those steps in a later post. The handbook also clearly states that anything happening before 7am is considered “the night before,” so waking up at 6am does not mean the morning is starting. It means the night is still going. This whole 6am thing better be a fad that she grows out of. Maybe when she gets to doggy-junior-high-school-age (human years: 2) she’ll avoid me because I’m “not cool” or I “wear socks with my flip flops” or I make her wear a “leash” in front of her friends. Then maybe she won’t be so eager to wake me up a few hours after yesterday ended.
So I climbed out of bed and checked the clock. 6am. At this hour of the night, the only solace I can cling to is two episodes of Boy Meets World on ABC Family. Until I found out they’re airing the younger episodes. Sigh. Now what? My dog’s already had her breakfast. It’s 605am. Just then I remember I’ve got a fenced-in back yard! There, my little morning pepper can roam around and sniff to her heart’s content. Meanwhile, I can check to see if Saved By the Bell is on yet. Drat, it’s on at 7am. It’s probably the younger episodes, anyway, the ones with Miss Bliss. Once I was fully awake and/or functional, I plugged in the computer and worked on a few computery-type projects. Later Piper came back inside. We played. I fixed lunch. Piper went back into her crate. I drove to work, already sleepy from being woken up the night before, ie. 6am.
This is volume 1 of a series titled, “I Own You. I Own You. A Look Into Who Owns Who, the Master and Puppy.” Check back often for the next in this ongoing series!
click here for the next posting, Volume 2: Sharing A Car With Dog.