20 reasons I was single in my 20s, plus a few more

During my senior year of high school, I started compiling a list of things I’d love to have in a mate. The list started with broad characteristics that were must-haves. Things like Christian, patient, good listener, thoughtful. Had the list stopped there, that would’ve been great. It’s smart to have some sort of criteria when seeking a friend for the end of the world. More specifically, a best friend to spend the rest of my life with. But the list didn’t end there. It went on. And on. And on. A total of 45 things I wrote down that defined who it was I was looking for. No prob. No prob? Yeah right… no wonder I’ve been single for so long!

I don’t think there’s ever been a woman on earth that could measure up to that list.

I might as well have created her from a computer, like these guys did. But Kelly LeBrock aside, this “perfect girl” isn’t out there. A girl I was dating years ago surmised that (and this is as we were breaking up) I’m looking for someone just like me. Mostly because of how and when it was presented, I became defensive. But she was right. Now comparing her comments to the list from high school, I’m about to blow your mind, so make sure you’re sitting down for this.

The list isn’t who I was looking for, the list is who I wanted to be.

Booya. Mic drop. You’ve been served. Insert any other overused phrase here. Even as I sit here typing I’m looking at this decades-old list and it’s blowing my mind. All these things I wrote down are either characteristics I already have, or ones I’m striving towards. If there were a girl out there that had all these qualities, I don’t think I’d fall in love with her. I think I’d be super jealous of her!

Then it makes sense that what I’m looking for in a mate now, now that I’m in my 30s and so much wiser and so much more mature, are much less specific. Less specific and not about me!

I look forward to finding this person. That is, if God’s ideas for me include a woman that can put up with a guy who made a list in high school of 45 things about her that’s really about him but at least he didn’t try to make her on a computer but maybe that was only because he didn’t know how because he was more into playing sports than computer programming.

-Out of the Wilderness

She’s Not the Kind of Girl Who’s Single For Long

We all know the girls I’m talking about. More often than not, expressing that a girl can’t go very long without a boyfriend is a comment about the girl’s character or level of confidence, and it’s not a compliment. Usually the statement is used in a way that says, “This girl is so self-conscious that she needs a boyfriend to validate herself.” She’s an unhealthy version of “Justin Texterlake.” There is, however, another type of girl that doesn’t go long without a boyfriend.

I was a junior in college and it was football season in Tallahassee, Florida. Students were allotted a certain amount of tickets for each home game, and if you wanted to sit with a large group in the stadium, you had to camp out for those tickets. These campouts were extreme. There were xBox’s, Playstations, DVD players, lights, fans, televisions, barbecues, really the only thing that made it feel like camping were the tents.

doak campbell stadiumIt was during one of these campouts I started a relationship with this girl who had recently broken up with her boyfriend. She was cute, funny, thoughtful, spiritual, and single. We spent hours talking and I knew she wouldn’t be single for long for all the right reasons. She was the kind of girl good guys seek out. A healthy mix of “The Party” and “The Dark Horse.” In the days that followed the campout weekend, I was hopeful to continue building what started with this girl and the truth is, she wasn’t single for long.

UPDATE: I found out recently (say, summer 2015 that she had a crush on me! Click here for my reaction)

Feel free to share your opinion of these two types of girls. They’re both not single for long, but for such opposite reasons. I’m also curious if guys are thought of in this same way? Women readers, I’d love to hear some feedback because, as a guy, I will never be able to get into the mindset of what girls think, or how they view guys in the context of dating. (Part 2 of this story is here!)

-Out of the Wilderness

Asking For Her Number

So I basically asked a girl for her number and she basically said no. I say basically because she actually never said no but she also never actually said her number. Basically, this sucks. But actually, maybe I’m better off because bringing it back to the basics, I asked a girl for her number, she said no, basically, so that means I’m one girl closer to finding my best friend. Basically.

The Middlefinger Flu

Friendships are like a man on his death bed, it takes work to keep them alive. I came across this reality in 2011 when I heard of a friendship suffering from the middlefinger flu.

You know what the middlefinger flu is: your attempts to maintain the relationship are met with a harshly careless attitude. So without the proper attention, the flu quickly turned into a nasty bout with pooponya. This is when that friend you try to be friends with only makes an effort to poop on you. Just like the man on his death bed, the relationship is in need of some serious attention! Otherwise, it will die from pooponya. If both people don’t recognize that, one friend will be disappointed while the pooponya friend will just be full of crap. If you have a friendship you suspect might be dying, you’re faced with a choice.

Sometimes it’s worth the effort of both people trying to bring it back to health, and sometimes it’s just better to flush the toilet and move on.

Does He Like You? 15 Ways To Find Out

Everyone wants to know if the guy or girl they are interested in shares the same vibe. As a guy, I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) some ways we show interest. There are many ways, but here are a few. If the guy you like is doing any of these things, then there’s a chance he digs you. How do you feel about this list? Let me know in the comments section, thanks for reading!

He pays for everything on a date. This sign is multiplied by the 10th power if he was raised in the North where manners weren’t a given. It’s true, in the South offering to pay for dates is the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’s also a signal he wants to take care of you even in a small way.

He leaves his phone in the car. This speaks volumes. Whether it’s dinner or hanging out at your place, he’s saying there’s nothing more important than the girl I’m with. Phone calls, texts, emails? They can wait.

He doesn’t kiss you on the first date. This is a tough one because it could also mean he hates your guts. If he doesn’t kiss you, take it in context of the whole night and it should fit with other signs he’s been showing.

He makes you a CD of music he likes. Or better yet, a CD of music you like. Bonus points if either CD includes Hanson or Boney M.

He’s not worried about rejection or he’s very worried about rejection. On one hand, he likes you enough to throw caution to the wind. On the other hand, he likes you enough that he’s nervous around you. Either is a good sign.

When you’re with him, he smiles a lot. Milton Berle once said that “laughter is an instant vacation.” Smiles and laughter are visible signs he’s happy.

He remembers things you tell him. Whether it’s about your family, stuff going on at work, or your favorite flower, memory almost always equals interest.

He goes to things with you that he normally wouldn’t go to. He says he likes Taylor Swift, but trust me, he wouldn’t go unless you were there.

He goes with you to a Dolly Parton concert because she’s your favorite. Beware though, he may just be a Dolly fan, because seriously, who doesn’t love Dolly?

He keeps in touch throughout the day and/or week through texts, emails, and/or calls. I got an email from a girl I know that explained it this way: “Oh yea… that is one thing girls get insecure about. You can have a great date but if you don’t hear from him after a day or two… they start to question if the guy is really into them… even if they are in a relationship.”

He knows about your secret crushes, and is ok with them. I heard one story of a guy that dressed up like Bret Michaels for Halloween because he knew his girlfriend had a crush on Bret. They are married now. (He and the girl, not the girl and Bret Michaels)

He doesn’t like cats. You have a cat. He keeps coming back.

He takes care of your least favorite things. One of your biggest pet peeves is putting gas in the car so he does it for you. Thoughtful? Yes. Classy? Yes. Is he interested? Heck yes.

He isn’t shy about meeting your friends or family. A friend of mine went on two dates with a guy before her mom came into town the next week. The girl said, “It’ll be a few days before we can go out again,” to which he responded, “We could see each other while your mom’s here, I ain’t scared.” The girl thought that was cute.

He chooses you over sleep. If you’re talking on the phone for hours and soon realize it’s 3am, he likes you. He’s already put you ahead of one of his two favorite things. (food is the other favorite thing, get your mind out of the gutter!)

10 Ways To Find Out If He Likes You

I’m pretty shy actually, so the way I show interest can be quite different than a guy who is very outgoing. Below you’ll find a list that describes how the guy you like, could be showing that he likes you, too.

You find out his family has heard of you already. Upon meeting anyone in his family, you discover they already know who you are. He’s already told them about you and that’s a sure sign he thinks you’re special.

He wants to know more about you. For instance, what you do for fun or if you have pets, etc. He’s searching for common ground, which means he wants to connect with you in more than just an “I’m attracted to you” kind of way.

He asks about your family. Guys don’t just ask about a girl’s family.

His friends don’t ask you out on dates. A clear sign they know he likes you, and bro’s don’t step on toes. Check out The Bro Code, here

He wants you to meet his friends. A huge compliment that he wants his friends to know who he’s been spending time with. Also note if he keeps you separated, that could be a sign he isn’t interested.

He drives the opposite direction of point B to pick you up and bring you to point B. More time in the car with the girl he fancies.

Opens the car door for you. Chivalry is not dead. If he does this, chances are he likes you… and was raised well.

When he talks about the future, you are in it. It’s October. He mentions meeting his family when they come down for Christmas. Cha-ching, you’re in.

He’s willing to be in a long-distance relationship. One of the toughest things to overcome is distance, and if he acts like the challenge ain’t no thang, he probably likes you.

Eye contact. The eyes are the window to the soul. I’m sure that applies here somehow, but anyway, if he’s looking at you, that means he’s interested in all that is you.

Degree of Injury: Funny or Not Funny?

A topic among some friends at work is the question, to what degree of injury does something funny become unfunny?

The topic began with the discussion of the female reporter covering the Grammy Awards. Immediately after the news desk tossed to her, she bumbled her words, saying nothing that made sense, not even speaking words at all. If you haven’t seen it, here’s a clip:

I seem to be in the minority in thinking that when something is life-altering, it’s not funny. Another example I brought up to defend my stance is a guy riding a bicycle into a tree. I think it’s hilarious, as would most people I assume. Even the folks in this discussion agree it’s funny. But let’s say the guy became paralyzed from the neck down? Then is it still funny? A resounding ‘no.’ So think back to the reporter who fumbled her words… funny? Admittedly, I laughed when I saw it. After discovering the reason, though, I no longer think it’s funny. She suffers from a rare form of migraine headache. To me, that’s a life-altering circumstance. I’m sure she’s still embarrassed by the whole on-air flap, and it’s not right or encouraging to her for me to laugh at her suffering. I bet we’ve all had a fair share of embarrassing or life-altering events, would you want someone laughing at you for those things? Here’s one of my embarrassing moments.

A colleague brought up the show, ‘America’s Funniest Videos,’ asking me, “Do you think they check with the people in each video to make sure the embarrassed party wasn’t paralyzed or life was not somehow altered by what happened in the video?” First, I don’t think they have the time to check, and my guess is they wouldn’t air the clip if they knew the person ended up paralyzed, or an animal died, or something with a negative result happened. Furthermore, would anyone even submit a clip to ‘Home Videos’ if the person in the video died, was paralyzed, dismembered or experienced a negative life-altering event? No.

My colleague also brought up Saturday Night Live. They often use people’s misfortunes, faults, physical traits as the focus of jokes in their performances. What do you think? Is there a line in which something potentially funny becomes unfunny? If so, where’s the line? Anyway, here are some funny clips: