20 reasons I was single in my 20s, plus a few more

During my senior year of high school, I started compiling a list of things I’d love to have in a mate. The list started with broad characteristics that were must-haves. Things like Christian, patient, good listener, thoughtful. Had the list stopped there, that would’ve been great. It’s smart to have some sort of criteria when seeking a friend for the end of the world. More specifically, a best friend to spend the rest of my life with. But the list didn’t end there. It went on. And on. And on. A total of 45 things I wrote down that defined who it was I was looking for. No prob. No prob? Yeah right… no wonder I’ve been single for so long!

I don’t think there’s ever been a woman on earth that could measure up to that list.

I might as well have created her from a computer, like these guys did. But Kelly LeBrock aside, this “perfect girl” isn’t out there. A girl I was dating years ago surmised that (and this is as we were breaking up) I’m looking for someone just like me. Mostly because of how and when it was presented, I became defensive. But she was right. Now comparing her comments to the list from high school, I’m about to blow your mind, so make sure you’re sitting down for this.

The list isn’t who I was looking for, the list is who I wanted to be.

Booya. Mic drop. You’ve been served. Insert any other overused phrase here. Even as I sit here typing I’m looking at this decades-old list and it’s blowing my mind. All these things I wrote down are either characteristics I already have, or ones I’m striving towards. If there were a girl out there that had all these qualities, I don’t think I’d fall in love with her. I think I’d be super jealous of her!

Then it makes sense that what I’m looking for in a mate now, now that I’m in my 30s and so much wiser and so much more mature, are much less specific. Less specific and not about me!

I look forward to finding this person. That is, if God’s ideas for me include a woman that can put up with a guy who made a list in high school of 45 things about her that’s really about him but at least he didn’t try to make her on a computer but maybe that was only because he didn’t know how because he was more into playing sports than computer programming.

-Out of the Wilderness

She’s Not the Kind of Girl Who’s Single For Long

We all know the girls I’m talking about. More often than not, expressing that a girl can’t go very long without a boyfriend is a comment about the girl’s character or level of confidence, and it’s not a compliment. Usually the statement is used in a way that says, “This girl is so self-conscious that she needs a boyfriend to validate herself.” She’s an unhealthy version of “Justin Texterlake.” There is, however, another type of girl that doesn’t go long without a boyfriend.

I was a junior in college and it was football season in Tallahassee, Florida. Students were allotted a certain amount of tickets for each home game, and if you wanted to sit with a large group in the stadium, you had to camp out for those tickets. These campouts were extreme. There were xBox’s, Playstations, DVD players, lights, fans, televisions, barbecues, really the only thing that made it feel like camping were the tents.

doak campbell stadiumIt was during one of these campouts I started a relationship with this girl who had recently broken up with her boyfriend. She was cute, funny, thoughtful, spiritual, and single. We spent hours talking and I knew she wouldn’t be single for long for all the right reasons. She was the kind of girl good guys seek out. A healthy mix of “The Party” and “The Dark Horse.” In the days that followed the campout weekend, I was hopeful to continue building what started with this girl and the truth is, she wasn’t single for long.

UPDATE: I found out recently (say, summer 2015 that she had a crush on me! Click here for my reaction)

Feel free to share your opinion of these two types of girls. They’re both not single for long, but for such opposite reasons. I’m also curious if guys are thought of in this same way? Women readers, I’d love to hear some feedback because, as a guy, I will never be able to get into the mindset of what girls think, or how they view guys in the context of dating. (Part 2 of this story is here!)

G’day!
-Out of the Wilderness

Asking For Her Number

So I basically asked a girl for her number and she basically said no. I say basically because she actually never said no but she also never actually said her number. Basically, this sucks. But actually, maybe I’m better off because bringing it back to the basics, I asked a girl for her number, she said no, basically, so that means I’m one girl closer to finding my best friend. Basically.

The Middlefinger Flu

Friendships are like a man on his death bed, it takes work to keep them alive. I came across this reality in 2011 when I heard of a friendship suffering from the middlefinger flu.

You know what the middlefinger flu is: your attempts to maintain the relationship are met with a harshly careless attitude. So without the proper attention, the flu quickly turned into a nasty bout with pooponya. This is when that friend you try to be friends with only makes an effort to poop on you. Just like the man on his death bed, the relationship is in need of some serious attention! Otherwise, it will die from pooponya. If both people don’t recognize that, one friend will be disappointed while the pooponya friend will just be full of crap. If you have a friendship you suspect might be dying, you’re faced with a choice.

Sometimes it’s worth the effort of both people trying to bring it back to health, and sometimes it’s just better to flush the toilet and move on.

Does He Like You? 15 Ways To Find Out

Everyone wants to know if the guy or girl they are interested in shares the same vibe. As a guy, I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) some ways we show interest. There are many ways, but here are a few. If the guy you like is doing any of these things, then there’s a chance he digs you. How do you feel about this list? Let me know in the comments section, thanks for reading!


He pays for everything on a date. This sign is multiplied by the 10th power if he was raised in the North where manners weren’t a given. It’s true, in the South offering to pay for dates is the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’s also a signal he wants to take care of you even in a small way.

He leaves his phone in the car. This speaks volumes. Whether it’s dinner or hanging out at your place, he’s saying there’s nothing more important than the girl I’m with. Phone calls, texts, emails? They can wait.

He doesn’t kiss you on the first date. This is a tough one because it could also mean he hates your guts. If he doesn’t kiss you, take it in context of the whole night and it should fit with other signs he’s been showing.

He makes you a CD of music he likes. Or better yet, a CD of music you like. Bonus points if either CD includes Hanson or Boney M.

He’s not worried about rejection or he’s very worried about rejection. On one hand, he likes you enough to throw caution to the wind. On the other hand, he likes you enough that he’s nervous around you. Either is a good sign.

When you’re with him, he smiles a lot. Milton Berle once said that “laughter is an instant vacation.” Smiles and laughter are visible signs he’s happy.

He remembers things you tell him. Whether it’s about your family, stuff going on at work, or your favorite flower, memory almost always equals interest.

He goes to things with you that he normally wouldn’t go to. He says he likes Taylor Swift, but trust me, he wouldn’t go unless you were there.

He goes with you to a Dolly Parton concert because she’s your favorite. Beware though, he may just be a Dolly fan, because seriously, who doesn’t love Dolly?

He keeps in touch throughout the day and/or week through texts, emails, and/or calls. I got an email from a girl I know that explained it this way: “Oh yea… that is one thing girls get insecure about. You can have a great date but if you don’t hear from him after a day or two… they start to question if the guy is really into them… even if they are in a relationship.”

He knows about your secret crushes, and is ok with them. I heard one story of a guy that dressed up like Bret Michaels for Halloween because he knew his girlfriend had a crush on Bret. They are married now. (He and the girl, not the girl and Bret Michaels)

He doesn’t like cats. You have a cat. He keeps coming back.

He takes care of your least favorite things. One of your biggest pet peeves is putting gas in the car so he does it for you. Thoughtful? Yes. Classy? Yes. Is he interested? Heck yes.

He isn’t shy about meeting your friends or family. A friend of mine went on two dates with a guy before her mom came into town the next week. The girl said, “It’ll be a few days before we can go out again,” to which he responded, “We could see each other while your mom’s here, I ain’t scared.” The girl thought that was cute.

He chooses you over sleep. If you’re talking on the phone for hours and soon realize it’s 3am, he likes you. He’s already put you ahead of one of his two favorite things. (food is the other favorite thing, get your mind out of the gutter!)