I was not the victim of a bad breakup

After a breakup, don’t you think it’s always the other person’s fault? They did you wrong. You’re the victim. They hurt you. This is very true with me and one breakup I’ve been through. I would hear songs like this…

…and think, “Yeah! She should get what she deserves!” I would think to myself that I did pretty much everything right. None of this was my fault. Sometimes I even feel anger, which is sort of where this song comes in. I think it was written in anger, even if it is catchy. I’ll concede that sometimes we ARE the victims of bad breakups so if this is reality for you, that you were treated badly, then please accept my sympathy. But in this single case of a breakup I experienced, deep down I know I was not the victim. She was. All the blame I heaped on her actually belonged to me. I was a decent boyfriend, to give myself some credit. But how and why it ended had little to do with her. So it’s a reality check (and a deserved slap in the face) when I listen to “Gives You Hell” (the song above) knowing this is the song she should be dedicating to me.

There are a handful of songs that this sort of role “reversal” stops me in my tracks. The one that actually inspired this post is by U2. They’re one of my favorite bands and recently I heard a song I had never heard before. It’s called “So Cruel.”

When I heard it for the first time, I fell into the same way of thinking where it was me singing it to her, with me being the bearer of the weight of the breakup victim. I guess it’s part of human nature to deflect blame. But again, I’m just an arrogant fool if I believe this song is anything but her message to me. I was so cruel.

It hurts me to know this about myself. There are things I would change if I could go back. I’d do things differently, without a doubt. But nonetheless, here I am fully accepting the fault of a bad breakup. It’s impossible to change the past, I know that. So I guess all I can do with this burden of hurting someone I cared about a lot is to not make the same mistake again.

-Out of the Wilderness

I guess I’m weird?

I recently had a chat with a good friend and he and I often talk about relationships. In this conversation he let me vent about something that’s been bothering me the past few weeks. So for that alone, if my friend is reading this– thank you, sir!

I won’t get into the details of my issues quite yet, maybe in a future post, but we wrapped up the conversation with this word play:

Maybe I’m single because I’m weird.
But I’m not weird because I’m single.

Thanks for stopping by…

-Out of the Wilderness

I suck at relationships

This is kind of just a reminder to myself that I’m terrible at relationships. You, kind reader, think about a few of the worst things a man can do to sabotage a relationship and I’ve probably done it. I mean, I’ve never cheated or done any physical harm, but I’ve been a bully. I’ve said things that were mean. I didn’t care. I was selfish.

It’s why a lot of my posts are about failed relationships or terrible dates. Had I got it right, even once, these things I write and post would be a lot different. My life would be a lot different. I wouldn’t be 41 and single. I may not even have 2 dogs. Hell, I may not even live in Nashville if I did even one less selfish thing in the handful of meaningful relationships I’ve been in.

Who knows! Ya know? We’ll never know what might have been… and while that is a Debby Downer kind of thought, I guess my story, and yours, too, is still being written. Let’s not give up quite yet, OK? I have a feeling we’re somewhere in the middle but the rest of the story is about to get really good.

-Out of the Wilderness

She burped and it was all over

There’s this Elton John song I’ve been hearing on SiriusXM radio recently and I can’t help but love it. Have you heard this one yet?

Gosh I love lyrics. Gosh I love love. Gosh I’m lonely.

But to be serious, this is a great song! Had I heard it when it first came out back in 2013 I may have probably for sure definitely¬†tucked myself under a bundle of blankets and wept till I fell asleep… because of a break-up I probably for sure definitely talked about in this post. So now we’re here… 7 years later and the song is stuck in my head. I want to tuck it under a bundle of blankets each night and rock it to sleep and wake up in the morning and fix breakfast for it before we go out looking for antiques at estate sales across Nashville.

OK that got weird. But this Elton John song reminds me of another one that I loved in high school. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” remember that one?

This song doesn’t remind me of Lion King. Nope. It reminds me of this girl I liked in high school, who I met at a church camp. She could burp on command and I knew, I just KNEW she was my person. I mean, the burping…¬†I’m not saying that’s why I liked her but I’m not saying that’s not NOT why I liked her. What I can say is this, she had me at…

That’s neither here nor there. The whole point of this post is about having that special someone in your, or my, life. The person who you can’t be without. Nights you are not with this person have you singing the Elvis blues. One thing I miss the most…

Holding hands and realizing you can’t tell if the heartbeat you feel in your hand is yours or hers.

If you have the chance to experience something like that with someone you love, or even just like, remember those special moments that singers write songs about. As for me, it’s a random night in January, I’m alone, and for now I’m doing OK with that. But one day I hope to meet a woman that can either literally or metaphorically burp on command and she’ll already have my heart.

-Out of the Wilderness

My new lady friend!

What started out as a work trip to Memphis turned into the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I never expected that in all my years! In fact, it almost didn’t happen. As I closed the car door to begin my trip from Memphis back to Nashville, there she was. This perfect little lady…. bug.

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Yes, that’s right, a lady bug. She (or he?) landed on the window’s edge outside the driver’s side door and there she stood. Taking on all the adversity that comes with hanging on for dear life to a car going 70+ mph!

Take a look at this beauty…

But a love like this was bound to fail. Neither of us were strong enough. And alas, when I got home… over 200 miles from when we first met… reality hit me like a freight train. This little lady bug was no longer alive. Still attached to the car door? Yes. But I guess the 3 hours of wind dried her out.

I peeled her from the door siding and she floated to the ground surrounded by my tears.

OK not really. I didn’t cry. I DIDN’T!!! May she rest in peace, this warrior willing to hold on to the something for so long it killed her.

-Out of the Wilderness