I always hurt you

I had a very vivid dream about an ex-girlfriend recently. This is the first dream I pinched myself, during the dream, specifically just to make sure it was real. It’s just so crazy to me how real dreams can be. She and I were standing in a parking garage and I thought to myself, “This must be a dream but I’m here. She’s here. This is real life.”

I was carrying an egg (because why not carry an egg, right?) and I said something about hearing that she got married. She responded with, “Not yet.” Then I went on to tell her how I feel about her and she responded positively. She didn’t want to marry the other guy and she wanted to be with me.

I thought to myself, “This is my partner for life!” We walked to the main road, out of the parking garage and she ran ahead. It was raining. To have some fun, I threw the egg on the ground in front of her so it was splatter and mix in with the puddles of water around her feet.

Catching up to her, I noticed she had a cut on her finger. It turns out that part of the egg shell broken from the impact on the ground hit and cut her finger. I was so apologetic and she said something like, “Dude, it’s ok.” I responded with, “I always hurt you.”

This had a deep meaning because flashing back to real life (not in the dream), our relationship was hindered by the way I treated her towards the end of it. So when I said the thing about hurting her, it wasn’t about the physical injury from the egg shell.

But she was fine and our future together was in the midst of a new beginning.

Then I woke up.

I guess today is one of those days where I feel like I’ve taken a step backwards. Because she’s married. I haven’t seen her in years. On the day I found out she was married, I laughed. It’s not how I thought I would’ve heard the news, but it was a funny moment between a friend and I over lunch.

Sometimes I wish I could just stay in those dreams a little longer, I guess.

-Out of the Wilderness

Published by Ben Wilder

Since 2005, I've called Nashville home. I'm the leader of the pack, which includes an 13-year-old beagle and an 11-year-old blue heeler mix. My days include writing, video editing, and other fun activities. Thanks for checking out my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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