I Was 4 Years Old Again

When you have those rare moments that shut you up, what do you think about? When you’re not close to death, but your life flashes before your eyes, what do you do next? Are the experiences you least expect the ones you remember the most? I wasn’t expecting to get all nostalgic and deep tonight, but on the way home from work “Unglued” by Michael Tate was playing on my iPod. About halfway into it, I saw a Pinellas County license plate. All of a sudden I was a 4-year-old at Sheridan Hills Christian School. I was hearing Chariots of Fire for the first time on the piano. I was encountering my first bully. I was playing with a spritely beagle puppy named Belle. I was hugging a giant teddy bear that Mom-Mom and Pop just gave me. I never thought of being a 33-year-old guy. But if I did, would the life I imagined back then look anything like what it is now? I don’t feel like an adult. But I don’t feel young. I’m rich in some ways and poor in others. I’m wise sometimes and others, a fool. I have moments of pure genius and others that set me back 5 years. I’m happy but frustrated. I’m strong but naive. Life is good, but not as good as it could be, or will be. Alanis Morissette would call that ironic. Katy Perry might call it being hot and cold. I just call it being 33 years old. I just call it a 33-year-old with the giant teddy bear he still has and the belief that the little 4-year-old he once was is going to turn into something great.

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