CDC Recommends Face Mask Masks to Help Slow the Spread of Happiness

Atlanta, GA — The Center for Disease Control conducted a COVID-19 study earlier this month, the results of which have become the foundation of a list of new guidelines published today. One of the recommendations is garnering praise from politicians and government officials who feel as if Americans do not have enough rules to follow as it is. “I’ve been busy shutting things down all over my county from funerals and weddings to Thanksgiving and Christmas parades,” said Mayor of Nashville, John Cooper.

The study showed that many people constantly touch the outside of their mask whether it’s to adjust for comfort or to get a breath of fresh air. “This habit significantly reduces the effectiveness of the mask,” says CDC staff member Mark Teague. “Based on our research, we are advising everyone heading out the door to grab another mask because if wearing one mask saves lives, then wearing two masks will save even more lives.”

According to the official explanation, using a second mask on top of the first mask means the first mask will be touched less often. When asked by reporters about the threat of the second mask being touched regularly and thus still spreading the virus, CDC ended the press conference.

Power-hungry governors and mayors seem to be chomping at the bit to implement this as a mandate in their respective cities and states. Gavin Newsom, Governor of California stated, “I was coming up empty on more ways to deflate the morale of Californians, but I’m thankful that now I’ll have another way to give people something to frown about.”

-OTW News

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