Follow Up: My Dogs Don’t Smoke

Following up on the news that my dogs aren’t actually addicted to nicotine, just food my neighbor’s been feeding them, I knew a conversation needed to happen. The how and when were still unknown, as were the words I would use to start the showdown. Something like “hey…” or “so anyway…” or “this might sound weird but…” is so much better than how I predicted it would go, “Listen you jerk” or “Hey neighbor bully” or “Your cat’s fat.”

The day came where I was able to bring up my concern and of course, the neighbor was totally fine with it. Since then, I haven’t seen much loitering which is awesome. I feel like I have my dogs again because there for a second, they wouldn’t even come inside when I called them. The power of food, I guess. I’m sure my dogs are wondering what happened. I reassure them that the food is going to needy dogs in third world countries like Kentucky.

Company Self-Appraisals

A friend of mine told me recently she’s been getting emails that it’s time for self-appraisals at her place of work. She said that no one likes doing them and then she brought up a fantastic point. Why don’t companies give employees a chance to appraise the company’s work? I told her that’ll never happen because they don’t want to hear what people doing the grunt work have to say. Is it too radical for feedback to go upstream? Probably. And anyway, that’s what anonymous Twitter accounts are for.

Happy tweeting!
-Out of the Wilderness

Anonymous guys about to send an anonymous tweet:
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Girl, I’m Gonna Make You Sweat

Really, this is about blueberries. Certain batches make my face sweat. It must be some kind of allergic reaction. But I don’t know if it’s because the berries are in season, out of season, not ripe, too ripe? I’m just not sure what it is that makes my body react that way. Certainly I’m not the only one. But if so, I was just kidding. Um, so how ’bout them Titans?

My Dogs Might Be Smokers

smoking_dogSo one day I walked out to my back yard, as I often do, and saw my dogs loitering over by one side of the fence. I didn’t think anything of it. The next day, they were in the same area, loitering. The next few days, the same thing. I’m like, “Hey guys, if this was 7-11, you would’ve been arrested YESTERDAY!” Before I put up a ‘No Loitering’ sign assuming they were bumming for smokes, I needed to find out what they were so interested in.

Recon proved they were nibbling on something in the grass. I was like, “This can’t be good.” Long story short, I found out my neighbor has been throwing handfuls of “dog food” over the fence. I actually think it was cat food he’s been giving his cat who, for sake of privacy, we’ll call Whisker 1. Whisker 1 is a big cat. I know this because she’s an outside cat who comes over regularly. And by “comes over” I mean she catwalks by the fence just to get my dogs in a frenzy. They bark and the hair on their back raises up. To this day, they’ve never actually come in contact with Whisker 1 and if they did, she’d cat scratch them right back to where they came from. I mean, she may be big, but she ain’t no wuss.

Anyway, this situation was slightly bothersome for two reasons; one, he didn’t ask me and two, I don’t want my dogs eating random cat food. I like to keep them on a strict diet so they won’t turn into overweight Whisker 2 and Whisker 3. Problem is, I’m not a confrontational guy (well, unless it’s on the basketball court or football field). For the next few days, I went over in my head how to broach the subject.

Sadly, it always ended in me getting a wedgy.

More to come, good day!
-Out of the Wilderness
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Guy in the Background on Fox Sports

It’s kinda like Where’s Waldo… find the guy who doesn’t actually know what’s happening.

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