You’re Not Fully Clean Unless You’re Zestfully Clean

My water bill was $19 last month. That’s high in my world because my dogs are the only ones who drink water (regularly) and I’m the only one who showers in it (semi-regularly). So for whatever reason I woke up this morning singing the Zest soap jingle. It reminds me of something Joey and Uncle Jesse would come up with in the episodes where they were advertising partners. The jingle also reminded me I need to buy soap today. And I’ll use it the next time I take a shower… in a few weeks. 

Cut. It. Out of the Wilderness.

zest

Cicadas Crash Into Me

Ok, it’s probably a little weird that I miss these little boogers. Why weird? Male cicadas play music to attract females. It’s like a reminder every 17 years of who I wasn’t in college. You remember those guys that could pick up a guitar and play any Dave Matthews song. It was rough for the rest of us. All we had to go on was our wit.  

And just imagine a few years ago when the cicadas showed up in Nashville. An insect that makes music in Music City? They had to be good. I bet they all hoped to come here and live the dream. Now they’ve settled down, they have a wife, they use a baby cicada bjorn, they’re changing little cicada diapers. The guitar’s in the corner collecting dust. They feel empty, like a shell of the wild cicada they used to be. 

But for that one crazy summer, they made music. And it was good. I can still hear the deafening melody. I can still see them flying around aimlessly. I can still recall Googling “Is it ok for my dog to eat a cicada.” But it was the harmonious buzz of summertime. Their sound synonymous with sweet tea and late sunsets. If asked why I miss cicadas…

That’s what I would say, Dave Matthews.

-Out of the Wilderness

Wacky Wednesday: Man in the Mirror

I know I’m not the only narcissistic person in the world, and for me it mostly shows up during my afternoon jog/workouts. There’s a sidewalk over on James Robertson Parkway beside a building with reflective windows. Every time I jog past those windows, I make a point to look at myself on the way… and the way back. Hey, if helps me stay motivated, I’ll keep doing it!

“I’m looking at the man in the mirror, oh yeah!”

Alright… Night, Night

It’s one of those things that you don’t realize is happening till it’s a regular occurrence. Actually, if I had to boil most of what my dogs know, it’s happened that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve taught Piper to sit, shake, crawl under, halt, and a few other things. I’ve taught Asia to come, stay, retrieve (at least, her frisbee), sit, and shake. But a lot of how they behave is simply based on repetition. So this phrase I’ve been saying for years, “Alright… night, night,” has been one of those repetitive things that has paid off in the long run because when the dogs hear “night, night,” they know what to do. And that’s go back to sleep. It’s awesome, especially at 330am when they scratch on the door ready for breakfast! Other repetitive behaviors and phrases the dogs have picked up on:

1. When I park in the driveway and hit the car door locks, the horn honks and the dogs come running to see me from the back yard.
2. “Let’s eat!” My dogs will sprint towards their food bowls, tails a-waggin’.
3. “Leave it!” They’ll drop whatever they have in their mouth, hopefully.
4. “Well, if it isn’t Piper the dog!” Piper begins to whine and squeal.
5. When I grab their harnesses, they both get excited for a walk.
6. “Rabbit?” Piper (a beagle) goes burzurk.

Just to name a few.

Alright… night, night.
-Out of the Wilderness

WordsAllSmooshedTogether

Anyone know the plural of “y’all”? It’s “all y’all.”

Anyway, it’s been going on since the first redneck said “y’all.” I’m talking about combining words to make shorter words. This sort of mashing up doesn’t really concern me, because it’s unstoppable. But a recent trend isn’t sitting well with me. Combining words that have no business being combined. Over the course of some months I jotted a few down. Let’s start with the one girls invented… brunch. Men don’t eat brunch. We eat breakfast. We eat lunch. Anything in between is just another breakfast, or a first lunch. Here’s the rest of the list.

liger2Brunch. More on this, here.
Cassingle. A cassette tape featuring a single song from your favorite artist.
Liger. A cross between a lion and a tiger. Bred for it’s skills in magic.
Infotainment. Car commercial promoting the vehicle’s information/entertainment system.
Twitterverse. Not a real universe.  
blogosphere. Wrong on many levels.
Brangelina. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Bennifer. Ben Affleck and any Jennifer he’s dating/marrying at the time.
Minajesty. Often a sarcastic reference to Nicki Minaj.
Beautimous. I heard this on Honey Boo Boo. Beatiful + ??? = Beautimous.
Twerk. Twerking. To work. People all over the country are getting in trouble for this one. Even Miley Cyrus.

And the worst of them all… Subway’s “FebruANY.” C’mon son. That’s elementaweak.

februany