Have any of y’all ever heard of someone who gets away with something as a “booger”? In my mind it’s usually a grandchild who does something slightly outside the rules and a grandparent says, “You little booger!”
That’s the way I hear it in my head, at least.
Well, today… the saying means something totally different. A LOT more literal. The backstory is that I’ve been feeling symptoms of allergies for weeks and weeks. Itchy eyes, sneezing, eyes watering, and yes, a runny nose. Constant sniffling but today feels like a breakthrough. Could it be that the seasonal allergies are drawing to an end?
All the evidence I have to go on so far is that 1. I feel good today and 2. I had a real booger earlier. Yes, my nose isn’t as runny as usual! A genuine booger formed in my nose and when I picked it, you would’ve thought I struck gold.
If that’s TMI, please accept my apology but I do really hope you’re celebrating right alongside me and my solid nose substances…
The 9th ranked post on Out of the Wilderness has so much information, you may think it came straight from a 1993 Encyclopedia Britannica! You know the ones your parents had on the shelf beside the TV? You probably used them for history assignments in junior high. Or to prop up a crooked table. Well, I give you permission to use this post if you’re ever in need of some useless reality TV information. More specifically, The Bachelor! That’s right, I said it. The Bachelor. Arguably the most successful reality TV show since WWF wrestling.
More about the post: This post is a recap of “The Bachelor Brad Womack: The Women Tell All,” but the real reason it’s ranked #9 is for the pictures. I had no idea so many people were interested in Carrot Top’s pictures pre- and post-steroids. But alas, many search terms that bring people to Out of the Wilderness include “Carrot Top.” Other pictures include Jimmie Johnson’s #48 car as he drove by, Chuck Norris, and Kip from Napoleon Dynamite… those 3 combine for the triple threat of manliness, am I right?
Anyone know the plural of “y’all”? It’s “all y’all.”
Anyway, it’s been going on since the first redneck said “y’all.” I’m talking about combining words to make shorter words. This sort of mashing up doesn’t really concern me, because it’s unstoppable. But a recent trend isn’t sitting well with me. Combining words that have no business being combined. Over the course of some months I jotted a few down. Let’s start with the one girls invented… brunch. Men don’t eat brunch. We eat breakfast. We eat lunch. Anything in between is just another breakfast, or a first lunch. Here’s the rest of the list.
Brunch. More on this, here.
Cassingle. A cassette tape featuring a single song from your favorite artist.
Liger. A cross between a lion and a tiger. Bred for it’s skills in magic.
Infotainment. Car commercial promoting the vehicle’s information/entertainment system.
Twitterverse. Not a real universe.
blogosphere. Wrong on many levels.
Brangelina. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Bennifer. Ben Affleck and any Jennifer he’s dating/marrying at the time.
Minajesty. Often a sarcastic reference to Nicki Minaj.
Beautimous. I heard this on Honey Boo Boo. Beatiful + ??? = Beautimous.
Twerk. Twerking. To work. People all over the country are getting in trouble for this one. Even Miley Cyrus.
And the worst of them all… Subway’s “FebruANY.” C’mon son. That’s elementaweak.
“The Bachelor Brad Womack: Women Tell All” episode has more drama than a Las Vegas casino. But a lot less alcohol. I was in Las Vegas recently and went to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. If you remember from the group date in episode 5, this race track is where Brad found out about Emily’s past relationship with Nascar driver Ricky Hendrick. At the track, I didn’t notice any lingering effects from the episode. I only noticed fast cars, cool drivers like Jimmie Johnson, and plenty of Kentucky waterfalls. Click here for 10 signs your date was a contestant on the Bachelor.
“The Women Tell All” is a unique episode in that it’s the first time the girls are “in real life” and can talk about the first 9 episodes of the Bachelor… because they’ve been watching each week just like you and me. But before the show gets started, Chris sets up how things are going to shake out in the next two hours. He starts by tossing to an interview he conducted with Brad. Brad talks about the more notably events of the season including Chantal O.’s slap, Ashley H.’s carnival date, Madison’s fangs, and Shawntel’s funeral directing skills.
Brad about Shawntel asking him to lay on a death bed: “It’s a little awkward. It really was.”
Chris Harrison reveals there will be season 2 of “Bachelor Pad” which includes a cast that throws the craziest parties ever. Then we watch a Bachelor reunion party with lots of familiar faces. Ali and Roberto are there. The tattoo guy Kasey is back and still looking for love. Why hasn’t Kasey found anyone to guard and protect his heart? You mean to tell me his heart has been exposed this whole time? Darn. Maybe Roberto and Ali can help fix it, or just show up to be the example of how winners, win. Winning! Duh! What doesn’t mesh together in my head are the comments from past contestants saying they are all like a big Bachelor family and the some highlights we see of them kissing in the pool or in the mansion. Just call it what it is, “The Bachelor: Sodom and Gomorrah” or “The Bachelor: Kiss and Tell” or “The Bachelor: Kentucky.”
Coming back from a commercial, we are reintroduced to Sarah P., Lisa M., Melissa, Alli, Britt, Marissa, Raichel, Meghan, Stacey, Ashley S., Jackie, Ashley H., Michelle, Madison, and Shawntel N. Over half these girls give some kind of butterfly double hand wave. Weird. The girls reflect on the first night, getting out of the limo and meeting Brad for the first time. Cut to highlights, strictly limited to the backstabbing comments the girls made throughout the season. Back in the “live” studio, Stacey confronts Michelle. Other girls chime in, too. Jackie drops the bomb by telling Michelle she’s not funny. Whoa, Jackie, back off. You can accuse her as a mother, tell her she’s two-faced, even admit you gave her the black eye, but how dare you reject her inner Carrot Top.
Melissa takes the hot seat next to Chris Harrison. They discuss her feud with Raichel. Raichel wins the award for alliteration… friends, frantic, frazzled, freaking everyone out. Jackie pleases the audience by calling Raichel out for blaming Melissa. Ashley S. trumps Jackie with a comment about what kind of behavior guys like and don’t like. The crowd grows tired of clapping. But never tired of these verbal slaps.
Michelle is next to take the hot seat. Chris Harrison gives her a hug. She says she’s suffering from the ugly cry today. She’s unsure what the pretty cry is, though. Michelle fights tears through the interview as the scowling Jackie watches along. The gaggle of girls on stage share their opinions of Michelle, who’s still crying. Michelle explains her sense of humor, and how she’s so misunderstood. Chris Harrison calls her sarcasm a self-defense mechanism. Reminds of Kip learning self-defense in the hilarious movie: Napoleon Dynamite.
Stacey attacks Michelle then goes in for the kill. Chris Harrison whips out his man card and tells the girls to shut it so Michelle can regroup and finish the hot seat interview. Are you serious Chris? He just said the hot seat Michelle is sitting on is the hottest seat ever. Is anyone else growing tired of Chris Harrison exclaiming that this next whatever is the most whatever ever? Who does he think we are? Growing up I was told that if you have to keep telling people something is a certain way, it probably isn’t that way. It’s like a joke you have to keep explaining. It’s probably just not funny so it’s not a joke.
Jackie, Stacey and Sarah P. are hounding Michelle, but hey girls, jealousy is much less attractive than you think Michelle is. Bam! You just got consulted. Britt tells it like it is, says Michelle is funny, no one should’ve thought she was really the kind of person she acted to be. After all is said and done with Michelle on the hottest seat ever, she comes off rather normal, don’t you agree? Well, normal for an actress trying to get her name out there. She knew, like we did, that Brichelle just won’t work. It sounds like Michelle but with nasty chest congestion. Brantal or Bremily for the victory.
Ashley S. takes the hot seat next. Is she wearing a silly band? That’s silly.
Ashley S. about Brad saying she wasn’t wife material: “That was such a dagger to my heart. I can’t tell you how bad that comment almost hurt.”
I’m confused. So you’re not telling us what again? I’m going to find out from Chuck Norris if daggers to the heart hurt. Or better yet, I’ll check with his enemies if they hurt or almost hurt.
A tanning bed and a hair makeover later, Ashley H. is next on the hot seat. Let’s see how many words she adds the letter ‘a’ to… secand, upsat, axit, laft, defanse, knaw, yas, mysalf. Ok, that was almost bearable.
Now the man we’ve all been waiting for, Brad takes the stage with Chris Harrison. He wonders who that girl is over there. Haha, I just made you say overwear. Wait… that doesn’t work. Darn. Anyway, the new girl is the new Ashley H. complete with brunette hair, ruby red lips, white teeth and no more “mom hair.”
Brad talks about his relationship with Ashley S., Michelle, and Ashley H. Has Shawntel said a word yet? It’s time for her to say something. She’s the best one there. I wonder if Brad will talk to her. Nope, Chris Harrison tosses to clips of he and Brad at a school in Africa. They donated some kind of solar generator that gives the kids hot water. Amazing. Chris said it right, “A kid is a kid is a kid no matter where you go in the world.”
Brad talks about his relationship with Chantal and Emily. He’s the happiest he’s ever been with those two girls. He won’t say who he proposes to, but he says, “She’s changed my life.” He’s in love and falls more every day. A nice setup for next week’s season finale. Check back here next week for a riveting review of a rose and a rejection. See, I can do alliterations, too. Bam! Winning! Duh!