Las Vegas, Jimmie Johnson, The Bachelor, Carrot Top, And More!

“The Bachelor Brad Womack: Women Tell All” episode has more drama than a Las Vegas casino. But a lot less alcohol. I was in Las Vegas recently and went to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. If you remember from the group date in episode 5, this race track is where Brad found out about Emily’s past relationship with Nascar driver Ricky Hendrick. At the track, I didn’t notice any lingering effects from the episode. I only noticed fast cars, cool drivers like Jimmie Johnson, and plenty of Kentucky waterfalls. Click here for 10 signs your date was a contestant on the Bachelor.

Jimmie Johnson in the #48 car in Las Vegas.

“The Women Tell All” is a unique episode in that it’s the first time the girls are “in real life” and can talk about the first 9 episodes of the Bachelor… because they’ve been watching each week just like you and me. But before the show gets started, Chris sets up how things are going to shake out in the next two hours. He starts by tossing to an interview he conducted with Brad. Brad talks about the more notably events of the season including Chantal O.’s slap, Ashley H.’s carnival date, Madison’s fangs, and Shawntel’s funeral directing skills.

Brad about Shawntel asking him to lay on a death bed: “It’s a little awkward. It really was.”

Chris Harrison reveals there will be season 2 of “Bachelor Pad” which includes a cast that throws the craziest parties ever. Then we watch a Bachelor reunion party with lots of familiar faces. Ali and Roberto are there. The tattoo guy Kasey is back and still looking for love. Why hasn’t Kasey found anyone to guard and protect his heart? You mean to tell me his heart has been exposed this whole time? Darn. Maybe Roberto and Ali can help fix it, or just show up to be the example of how winners, win. Winning! Duh! What doesn’t mesh together in my head are the comments from past contestants saying they are all like a big Bachelor family and the some highlights we see of them kissing in the pool or in the mansion. Just call it what it is, “The Bachelor: Sodom and Gomorrah” or “The Bachelor: Kiss and Tell” or “The Bachelor: Kentucky.”

Coming back from a commercial, we are reintroduced to Sarah P., Lisa M., Melissa, Alli, Britt, Marissa, Raichel, Meghan, Stacey, Ashley S., Jackie, Ashley H., Michelle, Madison, and Shawntel N. Over half these girls give some kind of butterfly double hand wave. Weird. The girls reflect on the first night, getting out of the limo and meeting Brad for the first time. Cut to highlights, strictly limited to the backstabbing comments the girls made throughout the season. Back in the “live” studio, Stacey confronts Michelle. Other girls chime in, too. Jackie drops the bomb by telling Michelle she’s not funny. Whoa, Jackie, back off. You can accuse her as a mother, tell her she’s two-faced, even admit you gave her the black eye, but how dare you reject her inner Carrot Top.

Carrot Top before and after steroids.

Also check out: Deal Breakers in a Dating Relationship

Melissa takes the hot seat next to Chris Harrison. They discuss her feud with Raichel. Raichel wins the award for alliteration… friends, frantic, frazzled, freaking everyone out. Jackie pleases the audience by calling Raichel out for blaming Melissa. Ashley S. trumps Jackie with a comment about what kind of behavior guys like and don’t like. The crowd grows tired of clapping. But never tired of these verbal slaps.

Michelle is next to take the hot seat. Chris Harrison gives her a hug. She says she’s suffering from the ugly cry today. She’s unsure what the pretty cry is, though. Michelle fights tears through the interview as the scowling Jackie watches along. The gaggle of girls on stage share their opinions of Michelle, who’s still crying. Michelle explains her sense of humor, and how she’s so misunderstood. Chris Harrison calls her sarcasm a self-defense mechanism. Reminds of Kip learning self-defense in the hilarious movie: Napoleon Dynamite.

Kip trying Rex Kwon Do self-defense.

Stacey attacks Michelle then goes in for the kill. Chris Harrison whips out his man card and tells the girls to shut it so Michelle can regroup and finish the hot seat interview. Are you serious Chris? He just said the hot seat Michelle is sitting on is the hottest seat ever. Is anyone else growing tired of Chris Harrison exclaiming that this next whatever is the most whatever ever? Who does he think we are? Growing up I was told that if you have to keep telling people something is a certain way, it probably isn’t that way. It’s like a joke you have to keep explaining. It’s probably just not funny so it’s not a joke.

Here’s how to be funny.

Jackie, Stacey and Sarah P. are hounding Michelle, but hey girls, jealousy is much less attractive than you think Michelle is. Bam! You just got consulted. Britt tells it like it is, says Michelle is funny, no one should’ve thought she was really the kind of person she acted to be. After all is said and done with Michelle on the hottest seat ever, she comes off rather normal, don’t you agree? Well, normal for an actress trying to get her name out there. She knew, like we did, that Brichelle just won’t work. It sounds like Michelle but with nasty chest congestion. Brantal or Bremily for the victory.

Ashley S. takes the hot seat next. Is she wearing a silly band? That’s silly.

Ashley S. about Brad saying she wasn’t wife material: “That was such a dagger to my heart. I can’t tell you how bad that comment almost hurt.”

I’m confused. So you’re not telling us what again? I’m going to find out from Chuck Norris if daggers to the heart hurt. Or better yet, I’ll check with his enemies if they hurt or almost hurt.

Chuck Norris.

A tanning bed and a hair makeover later, Ashley H. is next on the hot seat. Let’s see how many words she adds the letter ‘a’ to… secand, upsat, axit, laft, defanse, knaw, yas, mysalf. Ok, that was almost bearable.

Now the man we’ve all been waiting for, Brad takes the stage with Chris Harrison. He wonders who that girl is over there. Haha, I just made you say overwear. Wait… that doesn’t work. Darn. Anyway, the new girl is the new Ashley H. complete with brunette hair, ruby red lips, white teeth and no more “mom hair.”

Brad talks about his relationship with Ashley S., Michelle, and Ashley H. Has Shawntel said a word yet? It’s time for her to say something. She’s the best one there. I wonder if Brad will talk to her. Nope, Chris Harrison tosses to clips of he and Brad at a school in Africa. They donated some kind of solar generator that gives the kids hot water. Amazing. Chris said it right, “A kid is a kid is a kid no matter where you go in the world.”

Brad talks about his relationship with Chantal and Emily. He’s the happiest he’s ever been with those two girls. He won’t say who he proposes to, but he says, “She’s changed my life.” He’s in love and falls more every day. A nice setup for next week’s season finale. Check back here next week for a riveting review of a rose and a rejection. See, I can do alliterations, too. Bam! Winning! Duh!

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8 thoughts on “Las Vegas, Jimmie Johnson, The Bachelor, Carrot Top, And More!

  1. I was super excited about Ashley S’s new stream-lined, sleek silly band. Don’t forget, this is the chick that wore that stupid, thick, green rubber bracelet through the whole show – even with her formal wear. Maybe it was her lucky bracelet and she figured out it wasn’t so lucky after all. Maybe she thought the big green bracelet was what was keeping her from being wife material for Brad. I don’t know what caused her change of accessories, but I’ll go to Toys-r-us and buy her a lifetime supply of silly bands if she promises to never wear that dumb old green thing again!

    • Hey hopeful cynic,
      that stupid, thick, green rubber bracelet is an organ donor bracelet that I wear in honor of my Dad. After his death, his organs went on to save 5 lives and luckily he’s gone on to live through others. Maybe the bracelet looks dumb, but I’m glad you’re ignorant comment has provided me with an opportunity to promote organ donor awareness. Have a great day!
      xoxo and silly bandz,
      Ashley

      • Ashley,
        Thanks for the useful information. Today it seems like millions of people are wearing thick, rubber bracelets of various colors for various causes. Some, like the yellow Live Strong, get lots of press and are easily recognizable and associated with their cause, and others just look like orange, black, or multicolored big thick rubber bracelets that don’t go very well with formal wear. Also, many people wear them for reasons other than an outward symbol of a cause they really believe in. It’s awesome that your father and family were able to help others through his death. The long lists of people waiting for various organs is incredibly sad. Truly more people should consider organ donation. I’m glad to know what the green bracelet stands for. Honestly, it is the only one like it I have ever seen. Although I don’t think the comments on this blog will reach a huge audience, now that it’s evident that there may be a sector of the population that has no clue what the green band stands for, perhaps you can use various interviews, blogs and maybe (hopefully) some Bachelor Pad confessional time to help get the word out. As for the silly bandz, as a mother of two young children, I’ve picked up enough of those off of the floor, out of the lint filter, from under the sofa and various other crevices around the house that I will leave that trend to you. But if you tell me where to purchase one of the green bands, I will gladly purchase one and wear it in your father’s honor. Not with my formal wear, but hey, baby steps.
        Best,
        the hopeful cynic

  2. Maybe he could move in with Charlie in the Sober Wellness Lodge where a person has unlimited access to women. Charlie has two, why not Brad?

  3. Pingback: The Women Tell All? Out Of The Wilderness | Carrot Reviews

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