Study shows fish discouraged by evolutionary process

Pensacola, FL — Ichthyologists doing research on the behavior of fish in the gulf region, just off the coast of northern Florida, have been perplexed for months by the apparent mood changes of many vertebrates in the area.

“We’ve seen fish change behavior based on environmental factors, predator stressers, and the like, but we haven’t seen anything quite like this before,” says scientist Joseph Blaylock. “Entire schools of fish swimming slowly, with no apparent direction, some were even documented as having ‘sad faces,’ so we’re conducting more research to find out what might be causing this.”

A few factors that might make a fish to look “sad,” or frown, are big sharks in the area, getting hooked by a fishing line, losing Nemo, or watching your best friend turn from a mermaid to a human and leave forever.

Marine biologists have been brought in to study the sounds heard amongst some of the fish in the gulf. Primarily studying the fish who appear downcast, communication between them has an eary similarity to a minor key in music.

Progress took a leap forward yesterday when a stack of paper was found floating near a school of mopey mullet. It was nearly tossed aside until some of the writing caught the eye of a few biologists on the research boat. The spelling was very, very poor, but was in English, much to the delight of all on board. The note was written by Yerlstey the Mullet, Jr., and can be summarized by extreme disappointment that they have yet to turn into humans. Pages two and three mentioned all the fun they see humans doing, from jet-skiing to parasailing, kayaking, boating, using arms and legs, talking, laughing, hugging, snorkeling, breathing air, all things fish in the area cannot do.

The last page, page four, ends with an honest question: “Can’t we at least get to lizard status? Having little legs and feet would be a real game-changer for us.”

Although the sentiment of the underwater dwellers tugged on the hearts of those who heard the plea, there’s ultimately nothing these scientists can do. In a handwritten note addressed to Yerlstey the Mullet, Jr. and friends, a response:

“We’re sorry you are still fish. The process of evolution takes millions of years, so although those reading or hearing this note won’t be turning into humans during your lifetime, but on the bright side, a lot of humans are becoming vegan. This means they won’t eat you or your family.”

Scientists weren’t exactly sure this was the right angle to take with the fish, but blamed their years of schooling and lack of social interaction on however their note might have sounded.

-Out of the Wilderness News


Game night

I met up with a few friends last night for game night. The evening started out with 20 questions (which wasn’t one of the games) about being vegan, something these particular friends are giddy about quizzing me on… while they ate meatballs for dinner. They seem to be really stuck on the mayonnaise thing but I told them over and over that vegan mayo like the Hellmann’s in my fridge is super delicious.


Once their knickers were sufficiently in a bunch about all that, it was on to game night. We played Catan (aka The Settlers of Catan) first and it was only my second and a half time ever playing it. This game of strategy and deal-making is so fun. I was pretty horrible the first game, but then we played again and I almost won.


The next game we played was The Game. A pretty simple card game but really fun. If you’re interested in how it’s played, here’s a good explanation. It takes maybe 20 or 30 minutes to finish.

Lastly, we played Jenga. I don’t think any explanation of this one is needed, it’s a really fun game that can get tense!


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-Out of the Wilderness


How my mom wakes up her adult (and vegan) son

I was in my hometown recently visiting family. Always a good time. Always. Except when my mom walks into the room where I’m sleeping and wakes me up to tell me about vitamins I should be taking. Then this… “I’m worried about you being a vaygan.” Yes, she pronounced it vay-gan. Do I like being woken up to life advice? No, not really. But it beats her tactics when I was in high school: turning on the light, turning off the fan.

So cruel.

-Out of the Wilderness


Dairy Free Weekend, 6 Months Later

How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t know, but where do you get your protein!?

The biggest challenge was a week-long family reunion in Florida 3 months into my altered diet. Grilled fish. Coke floats. Pancakes. Pizza. Burgers. Food I would’ve indulged in had I not jumped in with both feet on a challenge from my arch nemesis Nick Shell late March 2014. But avoiding those meals wasn’t difficult at all. No, it was explaining why I felt the need to bring bags and a cooler full of my own food for the week. It wasn’t just about being competitive (Nick challenged me to a dairy-free weekend). It was about making a positive change in my diet. What I didn’t know at the time was that it’s also changing my life.

My dad’s dad had a heart attack in his 60s. My dad had a heart attack in his 50s. I suspect my brother and I will, too, at some point. I can’t believe I sat on that information for so long without thinking what I put in my body can, at the very least, maybe help me avoid the same fate. Thankfully, they both survived, but I don’t want to survive a heart attack. I want to avoid it at all costs. Did I think this way 7 months ago? Not so much. But 6 months ago the wheels started turning, thanks to that challenge from Nick I mentioned. Since I suffer from allergies, Nick proposed that eliminating dairy might reduce the symptoms of these attacks. I thought, “I’m on board with that!” My unofficial motto became, “I hate allergies more than I love ____.” Fill in the blank with cheese, milk, ice cream, whatever.

Long story short, I took it a step further by adopting a “vegan plus” diet for at least a month. It’s been that way for over 6 months now. The “plus” is because I eat honey, and I don’t think vegans smile upon that. Whatever. I like local Tennessee honey. For me, it’s not about saying I’m a vegan, it’s about having a healthy body. But the craziest thing happened… this diet didn’t just change my meals, it’s changing my life. I’m almost ashamed of what I used to eat. I even have recurring dreams where I eat a burger, or most recently, a Gigi’s cupcake. Even in the dreams, I feel remorseful after. Waking up is a feeling of relief! And that’s exactly what this has done for me. I had to wake up. Funny that it wasn’t my dad’s or granddad’s heart attack, but it was a friendly dairy challenge that woke me up. Whether you’re a vegan, vegetarian, just want to shed some weight, or you’re curious how food can affect your overall health, there’s basically an alternative for everything you currently enjoy. But you have to want it. You have to love your goal more than you love the food your giving up. I’m also beginning to see how what I eat relates to sleeping better, playing sports better, being stronger, being a better Christian, and with hope, avoiding any sort of heart failure later in life. Not to mention, I haven’t taken an allergy pill since day 1 of this challenge and only recently have dealt with sinusitis (which I believe is unrelated to allergies, although it has similar symptoms).

Half of this journey is about adding in healthy food, but the other half is about cutting out unhealthy food… things like boxed dinners, pop tarts, soda, frozen pizzas, high fructose corn syrup, any sort of dye, etc. I recently stumbled upon some information that I can’t not share. I’ve been editing a documentary about Autism produced by a friend of mine (click here for the trailer), and have been enlightened on the disorder in many areas. One of which is diet. It seems that food plays a major part on the behavior of kids and adults who have the diagnosis. And what’s even more startling, the very disorder itself might be caused by the diet of the parents before conception! There’s a lot of talk about dyes in food, artificial food coloring, heavy metals in food, sugar, gluten, casein, and more, that play a direct role in the behavior of people with autism. That stuff has got to affect the behavior of every person, don’t you think?

This all started with a dairy-free weekend challenge but it’s become so much more. Whether it’s learning about my own diet through an autism video, discovering that I don’t crave the food I once did, or loving God more through treating my own body well, 2014 is about getting roots. Digging into a healthier way of living that will change the rest of my life, and possibly generations to come. That’s enough motivation to keep on keepin’ on.

-Out of the Wilderness

A Fridge Full of Hipster Food

Thanks to a 48-hour challenge from my friend Nick Shell, I’ve got moldy cheese, expired eggs, a fridge full of hipster food… and I couldn’t be happier about it. If this were 2013 and you offered me almond milk I would’ve said, “Get outta my face!” But how quickly things can change (not “Get outta my face!” that won’t change, don’t you worry. It just won’t be about almond milk). I’m not a newly-minted hipster, either. The next time I visit family in Florida, I won’t bring kale or PBR or a fedora, but I will have a cooler full of spinach, rice, spaghetti, mixed nuts, carrots, hummus, and almond milk. Cutting out dairy altogether seems to have eliminated my allergy symptoms and a quick side note, Nick pointed out that humans are pretty much the only ones to drink milk from a different species. If that doesn’t gross you out, maybe this will.

Yowza. Kingpin was a good movie. The next time you drink milk from a cow, imagine it’s from a bull and POW! You’ll at least be a vegetarian. You’re witnessing the biggest shift in my life and I’m excited to continue the journey! Do you have any stories about your diet and changes you’ve been making? Any advice for a newby healthy eater? Share in the comments!

-Out of the Wilderness

Becoming a Vegan

I’ve toyed with the idea of giving up meat, but only for about a half second. It’s not that I love eating chicken, or turkey, or burgers too much. It’s just that I can’t imagine only eating vegetables, fruit, and bread and only drinking water and juice. Vegans don’t drink milk or eat cheese either. Or eggs. Actually the more I think about it, my diet is everything the vegans isn’t.

How am I supposed to have a ham and cheese sandwich without ham and cheese?

I have a friend, Nick Shell, who’s been posting extremely convincing and very sensible reasons why going vegan is (in my own words) not just a thing hipsters do. He and I caught up a bit on Sunday and he challenged me to go a weekend without dairy. Why didn’t he just stab me with a knife? I love cheese and all things cheesy! Like, what did the guy say when he walked into a… Oh, nevermind. I’ll stick to cheesy food.cheese1Nick’s reason for giving up dairy is simple: allergies. Since he’s been off dairy, his allergies have vastly improved. He could’ve said anything else but allergy conversations get my full attention. Because it’s crazy out here, y’all! Tennessee’s got to be one of the toughest environments for allergies. Pretty much everyone and their brother suffers a few times a year. And my brother’s in Orlando so I’m suffering for the both of us here! But Nick links dairy consumption with allergy symptoms which is radical to me. Just radical enough that the scales of my curiosity are tipping in favor of giving this no-dairy-weekend thing a shot.

I share some of Nick’s enthusiasm for being healthy, but I know for me it’s a slow process of changing my diet, and giving up food I enjoy (Coke floats!) to replace it with food I’ll learn to enjoy (cherry tomatoes, yuck!). That time is not right now. I will take his challenge though, and anyone who’s reading feel free to check back periodically for an update. I can tell you this, the first post after going vegan cold turkey for a weekend, (isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? Going vegan… cold turkey!) will include some sort of rant on how great milk is and how drinking it gives me strong bones and helps me say Aaron Burr whenever I need to.

-Out of the Wilderness