The Bachelorette Ashley, Episode 7: Ryan P. Talks About Water Heaters

After a July 4th holiday break, The Bachelorette show comes back with fireworks of it’s own. From a date that ended with the guy sent home to a surprise rose recipient, episode 7 offered a dose of romance, a splash of humor and a few heart-breaking moments with past contestant Emily Maynard.

Let’s start with the good stuff.

that's me with a mustache

Ok, now on to the drama. Ryan P. is the last remaining contestant who has never got a one-on-one date and he’s determined to get one this week. There are three single dates so he’s got a chance but the first date went to Constantine. They take a train ride. This’ll probably be recorded as the shortest date in Bachelorette history because if you blinked, the next guy you saw was Ben F. Ben’s date began with a scooter ride up a mountainside. Major points to Ben for his Dumb & Dumber reference. Did you catch it? Was it:

A. telling the story of a guy he once met named Sea Bass
B. talking about Samsonite luggage
C. singing, “Goodbye my loooooooooove!” then bumping into the car ahead of him
D. a reference to Harry and Lloyd riding the mo-ped together

I’ll give a rose to whoever gets the right answer. So Ashley’s date with Ben F. went on and on… and on… and on…. until night turned into day. Where I come from we call that a sleepover. This made the guys jealous, especially J.P. He pouted, didn’t talk to the guys and the little vein in his head popped out. His low spirits made the group date almost unbearable for the two other guys there, Ames and Lucas. Doesn’t it suck when you’re on a date with a girl and one of the other guys on the date has a bad attitude? Man, that’s never fun. But anyway, J.P. got the group date rose. I guess it’s true what they say, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Anyway, the last one-on-one date went to the joyous Ryan P.

Ryan: “Have I talked to you about water heaters?”

Not really. I got my pen and paper out, but son of a gun, right when he was gonna give advice on saving hot water and some money, they cut to an Ashley voice-over. Turns out water heaters aren’t the way to a woman’s heart, so Ashley sends Ryan home without a rose. My guess is that’s not the last we’ll see of Ryan P. Here’s a picture of my cousin Will getting married.

that's him standing by the bride

The last 20 minutes was dedicated to confirming what we knew two months ago. Brad and Emily are over. Minus five points for Emily’s reference to the catchphrase of the year, “dot, dot, dot…” Why must we somehow include Bentley in every episode? Although, “dot, dot, dot…” is a pretty fun thing to include in, what?
A. conversations

Yep, that’s the right answer. Ryan and Lucas were sent home without a rose. Roses went to J.P., Constantine, Ben F., and Ames. And my eBay package from China arrived torn and with nothing in it. Thanks a lot Postal Service.

"WE CARE"

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