The Bachelorette Ashley, Episode 7: Ryan P. Talks About Water Heaters

After a July 4th holiday break, The Bachelorette show comes back with fireworks of it’s own. From a date that ended with the guy sent home to a surprise rose recipient, episode 7 offered a dose of romance, a splash of humor and a few heart-breaking moments with past contestant Emily Maynard.

Let’s start with the good stuff.

that's me with a mustache

Ok, now on to the drama. Ryan P. is the last remaining contestant who has never got a one-on-one date and he’s determined to get one this week. There are three single dates so he’s got a chance but the first date went to Constantine. They take a train ride. This’ll probably be recorded as the shortest date in Bachelorette history because if you blinked, the next guy you saw was Ben F. Ben’s date began with a scooter ride up a mountainside. Major points to Ben for his Dumb & Dumber reference. Did you catch it? Was it:

A. telling the story of a guy he once met named Sea Bass
B. talking about Samsonite luggage
C. singing, “Goodbye my loooooooooove!” then bumping into the car ahead of him
D. a reference to Harry and Lloyd riding the mo-ped together

I’ll give a rose to whoever gets the right answer. So Ashley’s date with Ben F. went on and on… and on… and on…. until night turned into day. Where I come from we call that a sleepover. This made the guys jealous, especially J.P. He pouted, didn’t talk to the guys and the little vein in his head popped out. His low spirits made the group date almost unbearable for the two other guys there, Ames and Lucas. Doesn’t it suck when you’re on a date with a girl and one of the other guys on the date has a bad attitude? Man, that’s never fun. But anyway, J.P. got the group date rose. I guess it’s true what they say, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Anyway, the last one-on-one date went to the joyous Ryan P.

Ryan: “Have I talked to you about water heaters?”

Not really. I got my pen and paper out, but son of a gun, right when he was gonna give advice on saving hot water and some money, they cut to an Ashley voice-over. Turns out water heaters aren’t the way to a woman’s heart, so Ashley sends Ryan home without a rose. My guess is that’s not the last we’ll see of Ryan P. Here’s a picture of my cousin Will getting married.

that's him standing by the bride

The last 20 minutes was dedicated to confirming what we knew two months ago. Brad and Emily are over. Minus five points for Emily’s reference to the catchphrase of the year, “dot, dot, dot…” Why must we somehow include Bentley in every episode? Although, “dot, dot, dot…” is a pretty fun thing to include in, what?
A. conversations

Yep, that’s the right answer. Ryan and Lucas were sent home without a rose. Roses went to J.P., Constantine, Ben F., and Ames. And my eBay package from China arrived torn and with nothing in it. Thanks a lot Postal Service.

"WE CARE"

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The Bachelorette in Chiang Mai, Thailand

The lucky guys are still in Thailand trying to win Ashley’s love and devotion, this time, in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I liked how last week when Ashley announced they’d be going to Chiang Mai, Thailand all the guys cheered. Come on, no one besides Ames really knew where it was. But that’s where they found themselves and so they settle in to the Mandarin Oriental dadada Hotel. Ashley’s monologue about how she’s ready for new beginnings was accompanied by the music of Crystal Pepsi. I became inspired, and thirsty.

This is the first episode featuring a two-on-one date, but first, let’s see who got the one-on-one date. It went to Ben F., the winemaker from California. Their date included two pink shirts, a rickety 3-wheeler and a trip to the downtown market. I was expecting the Thai version of a flash mob, but they made umbrellas, instead. Wouldn’t it be cool if every episode had a flash mob from now on? Anyway, Ben had pink striped shorts on, too. I think it worked but what do I know? I do stuff like this:

After the umbrellas Ben F. and Ashley view an ancient temple. They aren’t allowed to kiss near the temple, so they close their eyes and kiss, Representative Weiner style, a.k.a. in their minds. Later, Ben F. and Ashley eat dinner at a breathtaking picnic setup including candles, flowers, and well, food. Ben F. opens up about his dad dying. Ashley replies with a “rhhhhhhhhhlly” which is a breathy way to say “really.” I suppose that means she was extremely moved by Ben’s story. So when you want someone to know you’re sympathetic, add h’s to the words you uhhhhse. Ben F.’s fan base is sure to grow after this date, so does his chances with Ashley. She gives him the rose that was at stake, then they kiss.

The group date included Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan P., J.P., and Mickey. They guys take part in Muay Thai boxing which is basically kickboxing. The guys boxed each other in short one-on-one matches. The matches really could’ve went either way, but there were some winner and losers. Ames lost his match to Ryan P. and actually went to the hospital. He later caught up with the gang at dinner. Ashley pulled him aside to make sure he was alright. Ames explained the doctor said he was suffering from being totally in love… and a mild concussion.

Did anyone else notice the excessive use of cell phone video camera footage? I guess no one’s safe from the budget crunch, eh, ABC? Cheer up, you still have “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show” game show.

Blake gets the rose from the group date, which he accepts and then kisses Ashley.┬áThe first two-on-one of the season went to William and Ben C. and one of the guys will go home at the end of the date. William comes across awfully arrogant in his interviews, a side we haven’t really seen before. The three take a log raft ride down a river and I’m suddenly having flashbacks of the one time I watched Deliverance.

William talks separately with Ashley and proceeds to throw Ben under the bus, something he said he wasn’t doing. He told Ashley what Ben said to the guys about wanting to get back to online dating. In a shocking twist, Ben C. is sent home immediately. Ashley and William sit down for dinner where Ashley took a longer than comfortable sip of her drink. Why? Because she was about to send William home, too. Bam. William’s now wondering “…what was Ben C. saying about Match.com again? Or was it OKCupid?”

Later Ashley meets the guys for the cocktail party. She has some ultra boring talks with the guys, sponsored by my DVR. Fast forwarding to the rose ceremony, roses went to: (Ben F. and Blake earlier), Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey, Ryan P. The men sent home were (Ben C. and William earlier), Nick.

Quote of the episode… Ashley: “hhhhhyy gyyyyys” (a breathy “hey guys”)

Thanks for reading! For a relationship that has a better chance of surviving, and is simply more real, check out these two people getting married: