The Bachelorette in Chiang Mai, Thailand

The lucky guys are still in Thailand trying to win Ashley’s love and devotion, this time, in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I liked how last week when Ashley announced they’d be going to Chiang Mai, Thailand all the guys cheered. Come on, no one besides Ames really knew where it was. But that’s where they found themselves and so they settle in to the Mandarin Oriental dadada Hotel. Ashley’s monologue about how she’s ready for new beginnings was accompanied by the music of Crystal Pepsi. I became inspired, and thirsty.

This is the first episode featuring a two-on-one date, but first, let’s see who got the one-on-one date. It went to Ben F., the winemaker from California. Their date included two pink shirts, a rickety 3-wheeler and a trip to the downtown market. I was expecting the Thai version of a flash mob, but they made umbrellas, instead. Wouldn’t it be cool if every episode had a flash mob from now on? Anyway, Ben had pink striped shorts on, too. I think it worked but what do I know? I do stuff like this:

After the umbrellas Ben F. and Ashley view an ancient temple. They aren’t allowed to kiss near the temple, so they close their eyes and kiss, Representative Weiner style, a.k.a. in their minds. Later, Ben F. and Ashley eat dinner at a breathtaking picnic setup including candles, flowers, and well, food. Ben F. opens up about his dad dying. Ashley replies with a “rhhhhhhhhhlly” which is a breathy way to say “really.” I suppose that means she was extremely moved by Ben’s story. So when you want someone to know you’re sympathetic, add h’s to the words you uhhhhse. Ben F.’s fan base is sure to grow after this date, so does his chances with Ashley. She gives him the rose that was at stake, then they kiss.

The group date included Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan P., J.P., and Mickey. They guys take part in Muay Thai boxing which is basically kickboxing. The guys boxed each other in short one-on-one matches. The matches really could’ve went either way, but there were some winner and losers. Ames lost his match to Ryan P. and actually went to the hospital. He later caught up with the gang at dinner. Ashley pulled him aside to make sure he was alright. Ames explained the doctor said he was suffering from being totally in love… and a mild concussion.

Did anyone else notice the excessive use of cell phone video camera footage? I guess no one’s safe from the budget crunch, eh, ABC? Cheer up, you still have “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show” game show.

Blake gets the rose from the group date, which he accepts and then kisses Ashley. The first two-on-one of the season went to William and Ben C. and one of the guys will go home at the end of the date. William comes across awfully arrogant in his interviews, a side we haven’t really seen before. The three take a log raft ride down a river and I’m suddenly having flashbacks of the one time I watched Deliverance.

William talks separately with Ashley and proceeds to throw Ben under the bus, something he said he wasn’t doing. He told Ashley what Ben said to the guys about wanting to get back to online dating. In a shocking twist, Ben C. is sent home immediately. Ashley and William sit down for dinner where Ashley took a longer than comfortable sip of her drink. Why? Because she was about to send William home, too. Bam. William’s now wondering “…what was Ben C. saying about Match.com again? Or was it OKCupid?”

Later Ashley meets the guys for the cocktail party. She has some ultra boring talks with the guys, sponsored by my DVR. Fast forwarding to the rose ceremony, roses went to: (Ben F. and Blake earlier), Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey, Ryan P. The men sent home were (Ben C. and William earlier), Nick.

Quote of the episode… Ashley: “hhhhhyy gyyyyys” (a breathy “hey guys”)

Thanks for reading! For a relationship that has a better chance of surviving, and is simply more real, check out these two people getting married:

The Dos And Don’ts of Online Dating: Profile Picture

Online dating isn’t what it used to be. When it first began, the perception was that it was only for the desperate or lonely.

Actually, it may still work for the desperate or lonely, but it’s become something better, a legit avenue for starting relationships. It’s not even an “alternative” way to meet people, it’s simply a way among many ways to find dates, mates, and fates. That’s a slogan waiting to happen. Anyway, I’ve made a few notes to help those willing to step out of their friend circle, out of the bar, and step into— or should I say— step on…line. Disclaimer: I may refer to Match.com-specific features, most sites have similar functions but are named slightly different (ie. wink, ice-breaker, etc). This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but rather a compilation of personal observations based on real life experiences. 

Let’s start at the beginning, setting up your profile. Information you post here is critical as it’s the first impression for traffic your profile will pull in. You want it to be a cross between sincerity and humor so when people see your page, they’ll say to themselves, “Wow, that guy is
scrumdiddlyumptious!” (girls say that, right?) or
“She has all the characteristics I want in a wife!” (guys say that, right?)

Alright, step one is uploading pictures.

Profile Pictures:

DO: Post more than two pictures of yourself, preferably a couple of close-ups and a couple of head-to-toe photos.

DON’T: Post pictures of you and kids, unless they are yours. If you want people to know you love children, just type it into the “about me” section. No need to scare off half the potential dates in the first five seconds. And for no reason is it ok to post pictures of you with nieces/nephews. There are too many creepy’s out there to endanger your sibling’s children. 

DO: Use pictures taken within the past year. Remember, surprising your date the first time you meet in person is rarely a good thing.

DON’T: Post pictures of you and fifteen of your friends. Most of the time the picture is entirely too small and most people won’t squint for ten minutes trying to figure out which one you are. If you really want people to know you have friends, don’t worry. We assume you have friends.

DO: Post pictures that show you at your best. Save the I-just-woke-up  pictures for later. Even a picture or two with a few of your friends is ok, as long as you… (see below)

DON’T: Post pictures with friends that look better than you. The last thing you want is someone looking at your profile and wishing you were that other person in the picture.

DO: Look happy in your pictures, whether it’s a smile or just having a good time. No one wants to date a Negative Nancy or Danny Downer. If you’re sad or annoyed, my advice is to cancel your account, fix what needs fixing, then rejoin as a happier you.

DON’T: Upload extreme close-ups of your face. It’s like looking at a square inch of Starry Night. Allow enough space for the viewer to appreciate the whole package, whether it’s your face or the head-to-toe photo.

DON’T: Look completely different in every photo. If you’re currently a brunette with long hair, don’t post pictures of you as a blonde with shoulder-length hair.

DO: Think twice about uploading pictures of little Scruffy. No one is online trying to date your pet. And quite frankly, it’s an invasion of your pet’s privacy. My dog Piper is howling in agreement. 

DON’T: Use stock photography. Using Getty Images offers nothing original about you, even though everyone knows beagle puppies are cute. My dog Piper is howling again.

Ok, so you’ve got more than two original pictures uploaded and you’re using the best one as your main picture. Next, it’s time to describe yourself, or more simply, give all the information you’re willing to reveal to the world!

Check back Monday, September 13 for what to say and just as important, what not to say on your profile. Thanks for reading!