Dying On That Hill – A Cycling Training Update

Knock on wood, I haven’t gone over the handlebars… yet! There’s a neighborhood in Tallahassee where I love to ride my Trek road bike. Light traffic and any drivers that pass by usually give a lot of space between themselves and me (thank you Killearn Estates folks!). It has long roads featuring a good mix of hills. There’s this one hill that is so steep and when I get halfway up, there’s a little spot that gets more steep, just in case I was starting to feel good about myself. See if you can find it on this Garmin map from the other day.

Yep, it’s that dark blue line which means I was really slow. Like… *Googles things that are slow* …going to work at 9, working for 5 hours, then checking the clock and it’s 9:17. That’s how slow. Or sloths, turtles, paint drying, grass growing, me making a decision, wet clothes drying on a hanger in the rain, dial-up internet, stirring natural peanut butter, manatees, Burger King, carving a chuppah by hand from one piece of wood.

I have another workout coming up in that neighborhood and I’m trying to think of ways to get out of seeing that hill again. Humble Hill, that’s what I’ll call it. Maybe I’ll skip it and go on a run with my niece’s turtle.

-Out of the Wilderness

When will Matt Rife come out as gay?

Most women would agree Matt Rife is good-looking and dresses well. Completing the trifecta of “signs you might be gay” is that a lot of the jokes I’ve heard from him are borderline misogynistic. Or to say it a different way, he’s like the guy who drives around a big Ford F-250, lift kit, rims, light bar on top. He steps out of the truck with a cowboy hat on, a big belt buckle, and Converse All Stars. Yep, he’s overcompensating for something…. else. We’ve all seen that guy. It’s very possible that Matt is comedy’s version of the same guy.

He’s sort of in the middle of controversies surrounding his off-color jokes… the kind that aren’t sensitive to things that people care a lot about– special needs, domestic abuse, etc. So his future might look something like this: he steps away for a bit for self-reflection, he does some sort of apology, attempts a comeback, reveals his comedy was coming from a place of hurt, announces he’s gay, America embraces him like never before.

Just like all of us, he knows that once he comes out as homosexual, he has instant immunity and he’ll be beloved by everyone. Gays can’t be cancelled, corrected, or criticized. Matt then goes on a nationwide tour, gets a lucrative HBO special, and starts dating Travis Kelce.

-Out of the Wilderness

Goals For The Next Duathlon in 2 Weeks…

I’ll be frank, my #1 goal in every race is to just not embarrass the heck out of myself. That could happen in a lot of ways. I try to avoid all of those ways.

No one wants to be Phoebe. Well, except when she was sick and had the smokey singing voice we all want. Remember that? But for my next duathlon coming up in a couple of weeks, I have goals similar to my last duathlon (recap here). I’d like my total time to be between 1:08 and 1:10, so officially I’m calling it 1:09:00. This will be difficult because it’s about a half mile longer running than the last race. Here’s the breakdown of each event:

5K Run – goal 22:00

12-mile Bike – goal 38:00

1.6-mile Run – goal 11:15

Transitions – goal 1:00

The math adds up to 1:12:15 so I have just a slight idea of where I can gain the 3 minutes to reach my goal. It’s on the bike. No matter if I reach this goal or not though, I’ll still basically call it a win if I don’t totally embarrass myself.

-Out of the Wilderness

American Idol 22 Episode 1 – Young People Look Old, Front Mullets, and a Funeral Home

After a group of great contestants lead by winner Iam Tongi last year, I’m looking forward to another good season of remarkable singers in 2024. That’s right, “American Idol” is back! This first episode had a handful of the obligatory sob stories but it was also full of talent, too. For a great play-by-play style blog post, check out mjsbigblog. I’ll just give you a glimpse into some of my thoughts from the episode. Away we go…

A few of the contestants in their early 20s look like they’re 57 years old.

McKenna’s adoption story is incredible.

I’m really glad Luke Bryan fought to keep Jack on the show. Jack’s my #1 so far.

I’m not sure anyone wants to win more than Odell Bunton, Jr.

Some auditions were in Nashville. I don’t miss living there.

Some auditions were in Los Angeles. I don’t ever want to live there.

Will they ever explain during the show what a platinum ticket is?

Why do young guys have mullets in the front? Yes, I’m talking about Mackenzie from England. It looks so silly.

Triston Harper (age 15): the talking voice of a 40-year-old rancher, the singing voice of a 15-year-old.

Kennedy works in a funeral home. We need a reality show with her, her piano-playing coworker, and the funeral home owner RIGHT NOW. I’d become a hermit and watch every episode.

Meggie… the only contestant that looks 18, sings 18, and is 18.

Blake Proehl. I really hate that I’m not Blake.

Micaela McCall. Another contestant who looks like she’s 63 years old. She’s 28. Nice voice, though.

Jack. Definitely getting NeedtoBreathe and Jason Isbell.

I like the judges more each episode, even Katy who sometimes uses her position as a podium for her own agenda.

The judges are kind to the contestants. I still wish there was a Simon Cowell personality on the show… someone who won’t sugarcoat anything. But alas, this is the Idol world we live in. Did you like the episode? How much did you cry during the McKenna story?

-Out of the Wilderness

The Liquid Death Zombie Commercial with Santa and More

We’ve all seen our fair share of commercials we don’t like. I’m thinking of annoying commercials like this one from Gillette or the Super Bowl Jesus commercial that shouldn’t bother me but it does. But every once in a while a commercial comes along that really eats at you. Nom nom nom goes this Liquid Death commercial where zombies have taken over and they’re literally eating friends and family. Take a look then scroll down for more info…

The ad turns into a throwback 80s-style infomercial, complete with a cheery jingle to go along with their morbid-adjacent product. As far as commercials go, this one stands out because of its absurdity. Just enough to make viewers ask, “What did I just watch?” In movies and on TV, the zombie craze has ended but this silly advertisement doesn’t come across as kicking a dead horse. It’s a light-hearted take on the zombie genre and that in itself is rare. Including Santa might –and by “might” I mean it definitely will– give children nightmares and forever change their childhood but there’s kind of a trend of making Santa into a vigilante killing machine anyway, so the people behind the ad thought one or both of these things:

1. Let’s take the risk of having a bloody Santa

2. We’re getting on the “Santa is a bad@ss” train now, choo choo!

What do you think of the Liquid Death commercial? Was it enough to get the Death Dust added to your Amazon cart (here’s the link on Amazon)? Chime in below!

-Out of the Wilderness