The Poorly Written “Seven Minutes In Heaven” by Reba McEntire

I don’t like being a sourpuss (that’s debatable, actually), maybe I’d be better described as a realist? At the same time I try to nourish the generous, encouraging side of my personality but then I come across a song from the legend Reba McEntire. She is very cool. An icon who sits in the rare company of musical artists and entertainers who can be immediately known by just one name. Reba. Garth. Cher. Elvis. Taylor.

But the dark side of me comes out when I hear Reba’s latest song called “Seven Minutes In Heaven.” Obviously, it’s a play off the phrase describing the teenage game where you go in a closet with someone and do who knows what for 7 minutes. Reba’s twist on the title gives it a much more meaningful purpose. Check it out then scroll down for a short rant.

What isn’t jiving with me is not Reba. It’s not her performance. It’s not the video, although it’s pretty boring. All that is fine and good. The lyrics, though, oh my goodness they touched on my last nerve with the poor grammar and conflicting sentences. How do lyrics like this make it past even the first revision? Here’s the first one that had me fit to be tied:

I wouldn’t spend all my seconds askin’ God questions ‘Cause He knows I’d be back soon.

The point of view is inconsistent. It would make more sense to say “I won’t ask questions because I know I’ll be back soon.” How does what God knows about the future have any bearing on what you ask in the moment? Case in point: You don’t know you’ll be back soon so you should ask things you want to know right then and there.

How it’s written is like the buyer not asking a car salesman which colors they have on the lot because the salesman knows the buyer will be back later. Huh?

The last chorus had me madder than a puffed toad. It’s set up the same way. With seven minutes in Heaven, I’d hang with you. OK, fine. Cool. But then it goes on to say…

But I might take a few seconds to ask God some questions I didn’t last time I was through.
If I had seven minutes in Heaven I’d spend them all with you.

So are you spending all your time with this person or not? Get your story straight, Jack! If I could sum these lyrics up with a word, it would be this: Inconsistent. And now I’m all horns and rattles.

-Out of the Wilderness

The Allstate Podcast Commercial – The Actor and More

The most well-known Allstate campaign is probably the “Mayhem Guy,” some really great ads over the years. But recently they’ve introduced “Podcast Guy.” Take a look at the commercial then scroll down for the actors name and more info…

The Actor. Podcast guy is played by seasoned actor Jack Plotnick. Jack’s been in a little bit of everything from Seinfeld and Dawson’s Creek to Reno 911! and CSI: Vegas. Check out his impressive resume on his IMDb page. He also has original videos on YouTube and I’m not sure you’re ready for these. Check out his Disney clips, here’s an example…

You’re Annoying. Back to the Allstate commercial… no one really wants to be friends with podcast guy. People like that are super annoying if all they talk about is one thing. Come to think of it, podcast guy can be friends with the obnoxious Spectrum internet guy. Two peas in a pod.

What do you think about Allstate’s podcast commercial? Will it convince anyone to sign up with Allstate?

-Out of the Wilderness

Lululemon Men’s Pants Commercial – The Music and The Men

Is there anyone out there who’s like me, not knowing Lululemon had men’s clothes? I should get credit, at least, as a single guy knowing of Lululemon at all. I have nieces. Otherwise, I’d be clueless. But for people like me (and maybe, you), Lululemon is here to clue us in on their men’s clothing. Check out the ad then scroll down for more…

The LululeMEN. Honestly, I had no idea the guy golfing was Wayne Gretzky. I guess he looks older than I think of him in my head. Kind of like all my middle school friends. I still think of them as looking like they did in middle school, even though I’m assuming they look like adults since it’s been 30 years. Other guys in the commercial are NFL athlete DK Metcalf (the guy walking at the end of the ad) and famous YouTuber Casey Neistat (the guy riding the electric skateboard).

Now, there’s also another guy making an appearance credited on the Lululemon page. Matt James. The only Matt James I know of was a contestant on “The Bachelor.” And no, he’s not The Golden Bachelor. Can anyone shed some light on which dude is Matt James in the commercial?

The Music. The sinister-sounding song in the commercial is from the 1930s… “Teddy Bears Picnic” by Henry Hall and His Orchestra. This song belongs in a horror film ASAP and to be totally honest, its inclusion in the commercial makes the commercial a lot more like a frightening scene from a zombie movie, with all the guys running through the streets on their way to the Lululemon store. I love the song, but I wouldn’t have picked it for this ad. Here’s the full track along with a few cover versions.

Bing Crosby covered it in the 50s.

If I had children, they would not be listening to this version.

For more info about some of your favorite, or least favorite, commercials, check out my Popular TV Ads page.

-Out of the Wilderness

The BODYARMOR Love Commercial – The Song You Didn’t Know You Knew

I’ve been seeing this BODYARMOR drink commercial lately and I couldn’t quite figure out what song it was. Sounded so familiar and then the answer came. First check out the ad then scroll down for the big reveal…

It’s kind of like The Princess Bride. I recognize scenes and quotes from the first half or three-quarters of the movie. But I don’t think I’ve ever watched once they enter the forest (I think that’s the scene were I lose interest or fall asleep every single time?). The song in this ad is the last 30 seconds of “Baba O’Riley” by The Who.

Am I the only one who might not have listened to that song all the way through, maybe ever? The opening is iconic… and no it’s not called “Teenage Wasteland” although you could use that phrase and everyone would know which song you’re referring to. It was released in 1971 and the notes being repeated throughout the song is a term called ostinato. I just learned that today, and ostinato is one of my absolute favorite things in music. Another recent song that comes to mind, and I’m sure there are plenty others, is John Mayer’s “I Guess I Just Feel Like,” the last 1:30 is *chef’s kiss*

Another is that great song from the 1960s, “For What It’s Worth” by Buffalo Springfield. Hearing this song for the first time is when I fell in love with repeating notes throughout most or all of a song.

Let’s start a list of songs that use ostinato. Comment below with your additions!

-Out of the Wilderness

Dos Equis Burns Ukulele in New Commercial

**UPDATE: Dos Equis revised the commercial because of the mistake mentioned below. Check out the revised version here**

The last Dos Equis ad I wrote about features a song that always gets stuck in my head. Have you seen this one? You won’t have to worry about a song in their new commercial because what do you get when you combine a group of friends, a bonfire, and a ukulele? A fall night WITHOUT music because in the ad, the ukulele is just fuel for the fire. Literally. Take a look then scroll down for more info… Note: video has no audio (nothing personal, ukulele lovers)…

The bonfire commercial is setting social media ablaze, too… and NOT in a good way. Most viewers leaving comments on Twitter, Reddit, and elsewhere are blasting Dos Equis for the insensitivity of the ad, plus the lunacy of burning a perfectly good instrument. I understand both sides: On the one hand, there’s always “that guy” who has a guitar at the ready when friends gather on a cool night outdoors. On the other hand, who gives a flip if someone starts playing music at a party? Unless you’re this guy…

If someone brings a guitar (or ukulele), I’d say 9 times out of 10 they can play lots of songs and they’re there to play songs their friends will enjoy. Also, I just used they’re, there, and their, in one sentence. Who’s heating up no now!?

On the surface, the ad is just meant to be a funny take on interpersonal relationships. Group dynamics. Personality types. But from what I’m reading, the commercial isn’t landing exactly how Dos Equis was hoping. The ukulele is historically linked to Hawaii and with the recent wildfires in that state, a commercial like this is just… too soon.

What do you think about the commercial? Do you think musicians and other viewers who are upset at the commercial are overthinking it? Chime in below!

-Out of the Wilderness