C.A.L.E.N.D.A.R.

I’m lame and print out paper calendars for my schedule at work. Not down to the hour, but just for reminders of what’s happening each day. I have a fun job so my calendar is full of awesome things. But can you imagine if it wasn’t? I bet thatguy thinks of a calendar like this:

C… Can you see how excited I am about all the boring meetings I have scheduled this month?
A… A tree somewhere is thinking, “That’s what I died for? A boring work calendar???”
L… Leave it till tomorrow. It’s onlyyyyy a daaaay awaaaaay. #Annie
E… Enough room to write all the to-do’s for each day? Nope.
N… “Neat cat calendar,” said no one ever.
D… Did Hank do it this way? I’m not sure.
A… All my friends are not printing out their calendars, and they aren’t jumping off a bridge either.
R… Remember, don’t forget to fill out the reminders on your calendar.

-Out of the Wilderness
free_blank_calendar

Alligators, Bieber, and an Apple IIc

AlligatorWhen I was young, our family lived in a house that backed up to a lake. There were a few reasons to live in fear. The most popular among my siblings was because we lived in Florida. Which meant alligators in any body of freshwater bigger than a roadside puddle. Actually, in the last few years, we’ve seen them in the ocean, too, but that’s another story. Back then, I couldn’t think of anything more scary than alligators. Of course, that was way before Justin Dweeber, reality TV, and Obama which are all more bieberscary that alligators if you ask me! So the most immediate threat was not on the radio, TV, or in Washington, it was in our very own back yard. I remember at night there were 2 red lights that reflected off the sliding glass window. One was probably from the power button on the Apple IIc or something. But I always imagined they were the eyes of  an evil alligator waiting to bust through the door and bite us. Every day we played in the grass and swam in the lake and I wondered where the alligators were. My dad would even swim across the lake a few times per week.

I’ve lived in Tennessee for a few years now and one of my favorite things is there are no alligators! You can swim in the area lakes with total freedom from being dragged under by a prehistoric dinasour-looking death machine. If you’ve never grown up with a daily fear of being preyed upon, you can’t truly appreciate this feeling of freedom I feel every day. But night time is another story. Alligators show up in Tennessee when I close my eyes to go to sleep.

They’re the kind of dreams that make you very thankful when you wake up that it was not real. One recent dream took place at my family’s beach cottage in Florida. There was a small alligator (oddly, it was about the size of a snake) near the shore. I started running because it was chasing me! Before I could get away, it latched onto my hand. To remove it, I held my hand above a fire that was nearby (how convenient!) and it burned up so all I could see was the skeleton. When I returned outside to show my dad, the alligator somehow got to me again! You know things are not going your way when a dead alligator bites you. Not good. Then later when it wasn’t paying attention I smashed it’s head with a MagLite flashlight. That’s what I’m talking about! However, if it was real life, I would’ve ran away like a scaredy cat, zig-zagging of course.

Any interpreters out there?

-Out of the Wilderness

apple-iic

Baby, You’re the One

If I can be transparent with you for a moment, being single in my mid-thirties is sometimes difficult. Granted, it’s been mostly my choice all along the way but the resolve to ‘not settle’ brings questions. Mostly the “there must be something wrong with you” kind. It can come from friends, parents, and especially the voices inside your own head! That’s why I’m thankful for 1. the Bible. For an example,  one of the most Godly guys to ever live, Paul, says that he hopes we can all be single like him. And 2. music. I recently remembered a song I loved in the mid-90s that is encouraging to me today, almost 20 years later. I may be single the rest of my life, and I’d count that as a blessing, but it would also be a blessing to find a best friend to share the last few years of my life (sarcasm… I hope I’m not even close to halfway!)… here’s the song:

I’d Give Anything To Do This

music_notes_hqyb_xlargeWhether I’m at work, in the car, at church, or sometimes even in my dreams, I hear people that are great singers. I fantasize every once in a while how it would feel to be like them. But so far in my 35 years, I have yet to sing a solo in front of a crowd, unless my line in the “We Like Sheep” musical at church when I was in 3rd grade counts. Maybe the director heard promise in my voice. To sum up my singing career since then, though, two words: unrealized potential. You’d think with all these producers in Nashville they’d know a diamond in the rough when they see it! I blame the industry.

-Out of the Wilderness

Excuse Me While I Pull Up My Window

Every day I enter and exit a parking garage. I’m quite accustomed to this routine. I pull into the garage, roll my window down, scan the card, roll my window up, and find a spot. Except lately the routine has been modified. I pull into the garage, roll my window down, scan the card, pull my window up, and find a spot.

“Wait, what’s that? You pull your window up?” you say.

I say “Yes, yes, I do.” I wait until there are no people around so it’s less embarrassing and, while pushing the button for the window to go up, reach over with my free hand to pull the window up. It’s like an aging dog that just needs some “encouragement” to get out of bed. “Good girl! You did it!” I’m adapting quite well, thank you very much. To avoid this setback, I now roll my window partially down (because then it will go back up with the button) and awkwardly extend my arm up and out to scan my card. There. Done. Easy fix.

So the next time you roll your window up, pat it on the side, and say, “Good girl! You did it!” That way you’ll look more embarrassing than me. Thanks!

-Out of the Wilderness