Ten More Signs You’re Ready for a Beach Vacation

Your spray on tan looks more like an orange juice stain.

For the third day in a row, you arrive at work with no shirt because that’s what Matthew McConaughey would do.

You read articles about the tanorexic moms with envy.

You wrote an email to the folks at Groupon asking for 90% off an all-inclusive trip to Hilton Head.

You wrote an email to Groupon.

You click on every Socialcam video that has the words “beach,” sand,” “ocean,” “coast,” or “surfer attacks shark.” Sadly, none of the videos are anything like the title.

You start believing that a lake is just as good.

You show your friends pictures of the beach and say you were born with salt water in your veins. That definitely might justify why your friends call you a son of a beach.

You’re name is Chris Bosh. If you hurry, Chris, you can beat the rest of the Heat to South Beach.

You just got trendy new tattoo on your rib cage that everyone needs to see. No that’s not a typo… you literally got “trendy new tattoo” tattooed on your rib cage.

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10 Signs You’re Ready for a Beach Vacation

Mother’s Day 2012

No mothers live in my house. Just me and my two girls. They won’t ever know how it feels to be a mom, and neither will I. So we can agree that Mother’s Day will never be special for us. We may turn on Hitch and just let the rainy day pass like any other. But as the minutes and hours go by, I’ll remind them that somewhere there’s a beagle wondering if her little girl grew up to fit her big ears. There’s a blue heeler wondering if her pup still has crazy blue eyes. And I’m reminded that there’s a mom in Florida wondering if her baby in Tennessee is alright today. Yes, mama beagle, she grew up to fit her big ears. Mrs. Blue Heeler, she’s still got her icy blue eyes. And Mom, I’m doing alright. Thanks for loving me so well for 33 years.

Happy Mother’s Day.

The Adventures of Flat Stanley at the Country Music Marathon

Click the image for a larger view… enjoy!

10 signs you’re ready for a beach vacay

Hawaiian shirt Friday is preceded by Hawaiian shirt Monday through Thursday.

You take naps in a hammock. In your neighbor’s yard.

When you hold a piece of paper, you can’t tell where your hand ends and the paper begins. Yes, you’re that pale.

It’s still colder outside your house than inside your refrigerator.

You refer to June as “…the month I’m hittin’ PC Beach! Holllllaaa!”

North Korea’s gonna blow the world up anyway, might as well get some sun first.

Your tramp stamp hasn’t seen the light of day since Labor Day 2011.

The state of Florida said a good place to “stand your ground” is at the beach. Holllllaaa!

You just watched Titanic 3D and thought the door Rose floated on looked like a righteous surfboard.

As much as you’ve heard about Trayvon Martin, Lindsay Lohan, politics, or NFL scandals… you literally wish you had your head buried in the sand.

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10 More Signs You’re Ready for a Beach Vacation