Chris Lane “If I Die Before You” – The Sucky Side of Country Music

Listen, I’m all-in for a good love story. My favorite movie is The Notebook so I definitely acknowledge the space I’ve left open in my heart for these sappy kind of love songs and movies. In fact, I’ve been listening to “Lady In Red” on repeat for an embarrassing amount of days lately. I’m sure there’s a part of me that is bitter from past relationships– sometimes I repeat the line from that Elvis song “Where Did They Go, Lord?” …the heart that’s within me isn’t bitter, it’s just empty. There’s something vulnerable and fragile and honest about that line that I can relate to.

But then a country song pops up and makes me feel justified in thinking that sometimes country music, with all its good intentions, just sucks. I give you Exhibit A.

It might be that I despise the singing list of clichés:

I hope you keep on laughing
With our crazy, beautiful kids
Keep dancing like we do
Underneath the moon…

Are they crazy AND beautiful… or crazy beautiful? The song is so gray. Please just put me out of my misery! It baffles me that a genre of music can be so wide in its offerings, too. On the one hand it has snooze-worthy songs (like this one from Chris Lane), but then you’ll hear Benjamin Tod and your faith in humanity, which is often hanging by a thread, is at least given another day of life support.

So when people ask me, I can’t honestly say I like country music or else I run the risk of them thinking I listen to Morgan Wallen, Shaboozey, and Tyler Hubbard. Don’t get me wrong, I can endure songs by those artists but only if I’m tied to a chair and someone is trying to waterboard information out of me. I’m stubborn enough to suffer for a righteous cause (assuming whatever secret I’m keeping is worth that level of torture). I’m much more likely to enjoy country singers like Lainey Wilson, Miranda Lambert, and Eric Church than ever choosing to play a whole song by Thomas Rhett, Kane Brown, or Jason Aldean.

Being a loving husband and father is a great, admirable, and hard thing. I’m not trying to take away from that aspect of the song’s message. But I’m just so sick of the softness. It almost comes across like a promo for the emasculation of the men our dads and granddads are. Men with rough hands who come to the dinner table with oil-stained clothes and an air of confidence. Men you’d go to when fit hits the shan, if you will. These men can be romantic, sure, but they’re not singing songs about an ocean view somewhere in Timbuktu because 1) he would never admit he doesn’t know where the ocean view is, 2) how to get there, 3) how long it’ll take, and 4) he’s already filled up the gas tank for the trip.

If I die before you
I hope you get on an airplane
And take in that ocean view
Somewhere in Timbuktu…

🤮

-Out of the Wilderness

Carly Pearce Burns Perfectly Good Ford F-150… not a Z71!

Sometimes you just gotta burn something down, right? No, the answer is no and if you said yes, you’re a pyromanic and you failed the test! This video from Carly Pearce is a jilted ex’s dream, never mind that she’d be in a truck load of trouble for the property damage she’s guilty of. Cheating on a partner isn’t illegal, however lighting someone’s property on fire is… so don’t do this at home, folks! Check out Carly “Pyro” Pearce in the music video for “Truck on Fire,” then scroll down for one common mistake that’s trending in Nashville…

Check the Box. People love their boxy trucks so setting this late 80s-era Ford F150 is going to get some people riled up. At least she didn’t touch the Mustangs, though, right? She deserves some credit for having an ounce of respect for the classic car heritage. But after taking the truck for a joyride through a field and through a mailbox, couldn’t she have parked it just a wee bit further away from the sports cars? I guess we can give her a pass, she was rage-driving anyway. That pass shall not, and will not, extend to a faux pas I’ve seen in a handful of other videos lately– Thomas Rhett and Lauren Watkins.

The Hot (Mis)Take. I love Carly Pearce and hope she continues having great success but I wish she had noticed and put her foot golden boot down on one aspect of the music video. The very first line of the song reads, “Always thought you loved that black Z71 more than you loved me…” Well, maybe he would’ve loved you more if you stopped calling his Ford a Chevy! Ever think about that!? This happens way more than it should and I often point back to Jason Aldean’s “Dirt Road Anthem” where the video was shot with Jason standing ON A PAVED ROAD!?!? Carly is the latest to fall prey to this and what’s with all the Fords? Bro country came and went but at least Florida Georgia Line used a Chevrolet in “Cruise” where they specifically mention a “brand new Chevy with a lift kit.”

Your obsession with Fords is getting a little weird, Nashville. Also, when the lyrics mention a Z71, burn a Z71! You owe it to us literalists out here. If you like what you read today, please subscribe below and consider making a small donation to help me continue posting daily. Thanks for coming by!

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-Out of the Wilderness

JENNIE “Mantra” – Identifying the Cars in the Music Video

I just went to a car show over the weekend and maybe the universe is telling me something because I also stumbled across a music video featuring some awesome cars hauled in for the shoot. I wouldn’t recommend setting them on fire but I guess it’s all in the name of art for JENNIE and her “Mantra” video. But many thanks for not lighting up the DeLorean! Check out the video then scroll down for more…

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The Rides. I tried catching all the vehicles appearing in the video and here’s the list I came up with: 90s era Land Rover Defender, DeLorean, 70s era Mercedes, Chevy Nova, Peterbilt single axle tractor trailer, Ford Mustang, Ford Crown Victoria, 80s era Lamborghini Countach, 90s Corvette, vintage Dodge Charger, and one or two with just a headlight showing on camera. Let me know in the comments which of those you recognize.

The beauts I liked most were the Lambo (my brother’s favorite car in the 1980s…my fave back then was the Porsche 911) and the Defender. Short rant: It’s a shame what Land Rover has become in the modern era: Much more suited for rich city drivers than the rocky trail climbers they were once known for. In that vain, you GOTTA check out the Ineos Grenadier. It’s everything I used to love about Land Rover. Take a look here.

They were smart to not set on fire the DeLorean, a beloved vehicle from the Back to the Future franchise. You know, there are some things that are simply off-limits: Peanut butter and jelly. Dolly Parton. 9/11. Star Wars (except Disney screwed that all up!). And the DeLorean.

-Out of the Wilderness

The Smell of My Best Friend’s House – An SNL Short with Ariana Grande-Butera

My grandfather’s wood shop. A Baptist church foyer. A school gymnasium. These all had specific scents I still recognize immediately many, many years later. That’s the sentiment behind a wholesome song from musical guest Ariana Grande on Saturday Night Live. It’s called “My Best Friend’s House.” But things aren’t always what they seem and if you’re a fan of true crime, you’ll love the story in this song.

I was NOT ready for the twist, how about you!? This is the SNL that could save the entire franchise, in spite of their political bias that often makes headlines and ratings that seem to dip more than they rise. I won’t even get into the fact that Kamala Harris is basically off-limits while the show rails on Trump, Vance, and now Joe Biden, too, since he’s not the golden calf of the Democrat party. Not to mention, a lot of their most popular sketches are when SNL alumni are part of the cast.

But I digress. Back to the best friend’s house. I love the way the short video is put together. Everything looks great in the first half, but once the secret is revealed, the very things that looked fine are exposed as quite frightening in light of the big reveal. The head in the fridge, the reason the pot of stew had such a strong smell, the shelf of VHS tapes once you read the labels.

It’s also a subtle reference to the media’s portrayal of serial killers. They always have three names and in this case, the best friend’s father is Ray Lee Evans. It would’ve been just as easy to just say Ray Evans… but something about the three name killer is a real thing.

As he’s escorted out, he shouts that Ariana has the darkness, too. So the video ends on a cliffhanger because the last person we see is the three named Ariana Grande-Butera. Dun Dun Dunnnnnn!!!!

-Out of the Wilderness

The Daisy Sour Cream Commercial – Was That A Strawberry!?

In an advertising era where brand jingles are few and far between, Daisy says, “Here, hold my sour cream!” and then they whip out this gem. Check out a recent Daisy sour cream commercial (not quite as catchy as their cottage cheese jingle) then scroll down for more thoughts…

Strawberry madness! It’s not that the actress eating the strawberry looks uncomfortable (she does), ruffling feathers all over the universe is the fact that she’s dipping a strawberry, of all things, into sour cream. Is this a southern thing? A yankee thing? Who does that!? Spaghetti makes sense. Chili? Sure. Tacos, of course. But a strawberry? Those leaving comments about the ad aren’t sold on the idea.

How much is a dollop anyway? According to Merriam-Webster, a dollop is “a lump or glob of something soft or mushy.” AI says the quantity is around a tablespoon while websites generally agree whether it’s a little less or a heaping tablespoon. It reminds me of a phrase one of my grade school teachers used often, and I’m remembering it most clearly having to do with how much glue we were to use. She’d say, “A little dab’ll do ya.” In that case, a dollop would be way too much because a dab is just a pinch or drop or smidgen.

Small amounts. Unless you like whatever it is you’re measuring. Then, I suppose, you can do a double dollop of Daisy. Speaking of jingles, there’s an on-going commercial catchphrase/jingle you might remember from your childhood, or your parents might remember from THEIR childhood. Does this commercial campaign ring a bell?

-Out of the Wilderness